Writer’s Note: I wrote the following for a newsletter. I wanted to share it with you  TTG.

Life gets tough. Awhile back you were diagnosed with a disease that could prove fatal. Cancer, heart, stroke,COPD. You were frantic and a bit lost. I am either too young or just not ready to die no matter how old I am. What about my duty to my family? There is no way I can let them down. Spouse, kids, grandkids. Feelings of panic and a helplessness of sorts. You are not alone.

You have been resolute and relentless. You have taken every sort of blow from chemo to dialysis. You have travelled down every dark alley and chased every ray of hope. This experimental drug or that type of therapy. Your life has been docs and meds and waiting for results of tests and scans. You have lost weight, your hair and your dignity. In a very strange way this has been your quality of life. Is this any way to live? I am not sure.

We can’t begin to understand what goes on in the psyche of so many patients. The survival instinct is real but the reality of life keeps popping up in front of them. We can read books or get counseling but the inevitable is real. We all are gong to die. Few of us get to pick the terms and the timeline. It just happens. 

Death is a transition. Just as we came into this world, we will exit to wherever we believe. It is odd that we attach so much preparation to the beginning of life but don’t have a clue  how to deal with death. Probably with birth we have some control or idea of due dates. In death we are not quite sure. Maybe we could be.

 

I have been working as a patient volunteer in hospice for many years. Not too long ago I sat and thought about all the people I have met and interacted with. The number is in the thousands and that causes me great introspection and humility. I have taken note of how people handle things for good and for bad. 

Hospice has become my passion for a very simple reason. It is the one time in my life where I just give and expect nothing in return. Moreover I see the good that we as clinicians, counselors and volunteers can do. At Treasure Coast Hospice we are a team that is at the ready. We know what we are doing but we do so with the utmost empathy, care and love. For all of us it is a calling. We just wish people would do it sooner.

Hospice is not a building but a philosophy. The word itself goes back to the Middle Ages. It was an inn along the way for travelers and the sick. People helping others in their journey. Every death is so unique and so predictable at the same time. We see symptoms we can treat. We are cognizant of changes in the body and the mind. Yet each and every patient and his or her family are like no other. You are a guest in our house and we are there to serve you and love you. 

A vast number of our patients come to us in the last few days or hours. There is a different if not better way. When someone is told they have less than six months to live they are hospice eligible. A simple phone call to our admissions group can answer a lot of questions. Simple may not be an apt definition. We know how hard that is and we will not rush or make any demands. It is more of a get to know one another meeting.

We have an incredible array of resources at your disposal from medical to psychological to spiritual if you want. That is an important disclaimer. Your whole plan of care is developed by you and your family. Whatever we do is approved by you. There are no contracts. You are free to leave hospice at any time. 

As I have been with family and even friends I sense a feeling of relief when people decide to let us help them. I was with a friend for several days. His wife thanked me for just being there, handling things and most of all letting her know what was going on and what to expect. If people trust us we can do some wonderful things. Again, we are in awe of that faith in us. 

Typically someone who chooses hospice early on are patients at home, hospital or in nursing facilities. We come to you wherever you are. We assess and develop a plan. You could be visited by a nurse or Certified Nursing Assistant once or twice a week. Everything is scheduled beforehand. You will meet a social worker who is our jack of all trades from finding the proper equipment for the home, to finding a volunteer to give your caregiver a break to run and errand, go to the store or just have a little time to themselves. We have a chaplain if you want but we never push religion or philosophies in any way. It is just what we do. 

As time progresses our care becomes more frequent and purposeful. We want you to be as relaxed and pain free as possible. The idea that we drug people to death is obscene. We neither help nor retard nature. Our help line is a resource for knowledgable professionals who can assist you with any crisis care. To the end we are right by your side. 

In closing the phrase, “they just called hospice” sounds beyond ominous. We would like that to be a call of relief and not dread. Come and talk to us. We are there for you every step of the way

As always,

Ted The Great

Factoids:

Hospice care is covered by Medicare. We are a non profit here at Treasure Coast. Almost 75% of hospices in the US are owned by private equity. Pardon me if that galls me. I really don’t think people dying should yield the sizable return that private equity demands. That is just me.

Currently we have 625 patients in our care. We have over 400 employees and almost 250 volunteers. A pretty amazing bunch of people. We have 32 beds in two locations but the vast majority of our patients die at home or in a care facility. We have 12 patients in pediatric hospice at this time.

We have a “pinning ” ceremony where we honor veterans. It is a great honor for me and others to do. After reading a citation, we salute them as brothers and sisters in arms. We also have Treasured Pets where we assist patients in the care and feeding of their animals. After a patient passes we have a bereavement group that follows up. We had over 5,000 encounters with their families last year. They do an amazing job and our funding for that venture is from grants and donations.

Inhibitions are feelings of fear or embarrassment that make it difficult for you to behave naturally. Hmm! That definition is loaded with all sorts of crazy story lines. Feelings, fear, embarrassment, naturally! Oh baby, are we going to have some fun with this?

I have been an auctioneer at three charitable functions this season here in Flalaland. My sole reason for being was to extract as much money as possible from more than willing contributors. We all knew why I was here. Why would I worry?

To start you have to have feelings. You have to believe in the good people you are trying to raise money for. Hospice, Go Pink and Safe Space were pretty easy to get psyched up for. The challenge is to get your audience equally as turned on. If you have a great items to auction off you have it made. 

Trips, dinners, sunset cruises all conjure up visions of fun. I was doing one with a fellow auctioneer one time  and we took a simple Mason jar and proclaimed,  it contained “Colorado Air”. We sold it for $500. At a recent one I appeared with shorts with dollar bill designs. We auctioned those of for $600. I even took them off right on he spot. Thankfully for the audience I had another pair on underneath. Commando is not a word we even think of here at Harbour Ridge. 

Was I worried about embarrassment? Not really. What does concern me from time to time is that there will be no bidders. A lot of very generous people bail me out. I guess you have to be somewhat self effacing. I don’t take myself too seriously. I gave my sense of ego up a long time ago. 

I think a key point in the definition of inhibitions is not acting naturally. What does that really mean? Simply said, to me it is responding to occurrences and people in a forthright and truthful fashion. That is not in your face but speaking up rather than sitting in quiet tolerance. You say and think what you feel. If you say something you don’t believe in you know it right away. Over time does that sharp edge of honesty wear down?  Probably and that is sad.

We want everyone to fall in line with adherence to this maxim or that. How do those precepts evolve? First we take an ethos if you will. Let’s call it the way we think things should be. It covers dress, respectability, language, business dealings etc. in a certain setting like a town or an association. These become ingrained over time. It’s a good thing if all agree and bad thing if it stifles innovation and creativity. 

The real tricky part is who is the arbiter of what is appropriate or even better allowable? Should we just let everyone run wild? Should we refuse to accept anything out of the ordinary? Better yet what is considered normal? 

This is more than a fun mental exercise. Our world is changing and changing fast. I am constantly struck by my desire to be accepting of new ideas and at the same time treasuring things I think are worth keeping. This can range from dress code at the club where I live, to laws I think should be upheld or changed and political philosophies that I revere or detest. 

The true acid test is when you come to personalities. You can have a very dynamic and productive policy statement that is presented by a jerk. We are a world of personalities which can further or shoot down a very sensible idea. My wonderful wife often says,”Ted, you have great ideas but sometimes you should have someone a little more subtle put them forward”. Moi? The woman is a genius. 

This whole concept of stars, heroes/heroines, villains being spokespeople, actually makes us totally submissive to image.Their adulation by the masses makes one very reluctant to offer anything to the contrary. 

The state of our educational system is emblematic. Ideally a school environment encourages dialogue and debate with a collaboration somewhere either slightly left or right of center. People are scared shitless by espousing this or that view lest they be shouted down or even worse physically threatened or ostracized. Then we are shocked when an outcast explodes in rage or violence. It’s a crazy world we live in.

Getting back to my original premise is asking how honest you are with yourself and your world? Whoa! That is really heavy duty TTG. It should be. 

Our psyche should be formed by us alone with a little influence from societal norms. We spend a lot of time on self help books and all sorts of analyses. Each in its own way tries to find the real me or you. How did we get so lost in the first place? 

We were at a dinner party one evening in Vail. One of my mucky muck friends was nice enough to ask us along. As the seating was open I decided to go sit with the women of the titans of industry. I had heard enough of their husbands’ wealth and accomplishments. I decided to have some fun.

I told each of the three women that I was giving them $25 million tax free. They had nothing tying them down. No husband. No kids. No family. What would you do? It was like the leashes had been taken off. They spent the next hour or so just letting it rip. Reluctant at first, each one had a bunch of things they wanted to accomplish. Someone they really wanted to be. Very cool.

It is not just those women but all of us who might imagine what if? Let go of our inhibitions or fears.

Follow a dark alley that may not be so  financially rewarding but deep down be so relevant and satisfying. No inhibitions. What a beautiful thing! Come on in. The water is fine. 

As always

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

Marketdata estimates that the self-improvement market in the U.S. was worth $13.4 billion in 2022. The market bounced back about 24% in two years, fueled by growth in personal coaching services, self-help books and audiobooks, and self-help apps.

Good inhibitions. Not hitting someone who annoys you. Trying to hit the golf ball too hard. Not inhaling every piece of food at a buffet. Controlling one’s impulses.

Bad Inhibitions.  Why is it when we have a few drinks in us we are brilliant, suave, and without guard rails? 

Walter Mittys.  noun,plural an ordinary, timid person who is given to adventurous and self-aggrandizing daydreams or secret plans as a way of glamorizing a humdrum life.

It is reported that ninety-six percent of adults daydream every day, with daydreams making up about half of the average person’s thoughts. It is all very normal.  Make them come true.