Mission Impossible

Your mission Mr. Kenny should you choose to accept it is to continue wandering through space and cosmic thought for the foreseeable future. If not your keyboard will self destruct in 30 seconds. Okay, I am in. Are You?

This is my 58th posting of Ted’s Head. People from every angle probably can’t quite believe those numbers. If you are loyal your sanity should be questioned. If you have avoided opening “New Post” most weeks, you might feel a bit smug but I also think you have missed a fair chunk of fun and rapprochement.

Looking back in the archives we have really covered a fair amount of ground in the last year. We have moved from politics to religion.Tragedy to triumph. Big things. Very simple things. Zany to serious. Annoyed to hopeful. We’ve touched third rails. I hope we have touched hearts. Yup, that’s Ted’s Head alright.

I am not quite sure where to go with it. We have a mailing list of about 130 and 100 of you are faithful readers. Some one told me that was very good. Maybe I have something to say or maybe I am just your voice? I hope both.

I have tried not to takes sides in my musings. Everyone seems to be fair game. I have cajoled and skewered where necessary. I probably have not praised enough. The pickings were slim. I really want to observe and comment and not pontificate.

I am attempting to go in one additional direction this year. I am going to see if there is room for my show on the road. No, not to a town near you but just around Denver. I do not want to get on a soap box but facilitate of sorts. I want to gather a group, pose a problem that we face and ask for solutions not diatribes. How about the deficit? Entitlements? Infrastructure. They won’t go away. How would you solve them?

I think my first audience will be people of my generation. It might be a small group or a cast of thousands. Maybe no one will listen. When I mentioned this profile to Kathy she looked at me in a cross between wonderment and incredulity.(Not the first time) Hey, maybe I will get booed off the stage or out of a barroom. But I am still going to try.

I spent a portion of my day trying to figure out a new internet and TV provider. Comcast has cast aside any semblance of customer service and it is time to move on. As I picked through various websites I was caught by the number of channels you can get. On some services there are over three hundred.

Now that is really kind of scary. Not only that they provide them but that people actually watch some of this stuff. It also reinforced some of my feeling that a lot of these people broadcasting were thrust in front of the camera and told to look smart. Forget about content. Just look good. They will believe you. About that image part, maybe I will stick to radio.

There is a great new show with Erin Burnett called “Outfront.” Maybe it is not earthshaking journalism but she tells it like it is. When the boys and girls in Congress punted for the umpteenth time she let them have it right between the eyeballs.

Another great new publication is “The Week”. It takes both U.S. and international stories and capsulates them. Then they take commentary from all sides and presents it as such. Very snappy. Very easy reading for all of you that have limited time and concentration. I am one of them.

These and others will help us keep a shoulder to the wheel. We can’t beg off for lack of time or interest. The most  pressing and incredibly complex problems of our times will require us to sift through a myriad of facts. Not only to find solutions but see if we can come up with some leaders who can truly help us find the way clear.

This year is going to be a Mission Impossible for all of us. There will be death defying stunts and very narrow escapes. But beyond the whole thing is that undeniable feeling that Tom Cruise is going to pull this thing off.

I feel that way about us. I feel something that you don’t see on accident and murder driven TV. You won’t hear the good news from either side of the abyss of political talk shows. But it is there in the hearts of all of us. Maybe we can turn at least half of those 300 channels positive. Our mission is simple. No matter what your calling stand up, take whatever medicine we have to and get our butts in gear. Not at all impossible. Details to follow. Happy New Year

As always

Ted The Great

Crazy Factoids:

Think you have it tough? Queen Elizabeth has been cut back to $150 million pounds per annum to run her household.

Since 2004 Congress has seen their net worth go up by 15% while America has gone down 8%

The average American breaks 4 laws each day before noon.

There are three bones in the human brain. Richard Cranium!

Americans spend 6 times as much on video games as they do on school library materials.

The microwave was invented when a scientist walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bare melted in his pocket..not in his hands.

Christmas 2011

Joyeaux Noel

This is the title of a little missive I put out on the front fence of our house. It goes like this.

“Kathy and I are finished putting up the Christmas decorations inside and out. The goose is in her Xmas outfit and no, she won’t be cooked. We hope you enjoy them all.

We are going to do a “lumenaria” on Christmas Eve. For us it is lighting the way of Christ. We would love you to join us. Someone say “I am Jewish”.  Another speaks of atheism. I said why don’t you just do it and think of peace or of a loved one long gone. Somehow the idea of peace on earth and good will towards men doesn’t seem like a bad idea for any one regardless of persuasion.

You need some paper bags, votive candles you can buy at Bed Bath and Beyond  and some sand. We might have extra.

Hope you all have a great holiday.

Kathy and Ted Kenny”

I always put a pen on the placard. People sometimes write comments. Some are even clean. The ones we got this week were really wonderful. I guess there is still hope.

We watched a special from Rick Steve’s on Christmas in Europe. There were no big boxes. There were just some great traditions in each country. I hope we are not celebrated for Black Friday as ours.

I took my seven year old granddaughter, Harper, skiing yesterday. We went to a simple local resort. The lift tickets for the beginner slope using her young and my old fart discount was $43. We made 20 trips on the short lift and went down the race course and she “caught air” on a jump. Life is good.

We stopped in a little mining town of Georgetown on the way home for a homemade  ice cream cone. She said the town looked like a Christmas place and it did. We talked about fancy and simple. She said she liked simple. She also said she didn’t think there was any Padge quite like me. I think she meant it as a compliment.

My message this year is simple. No matter what you think or believe there was a guy born 2000 years ago. To some He was a savior. He was of no means. He wore sandals and a cloak. He didn’t have a limo. He slept in simple surroundings.

He talked of a place called heaven. He also spoke of love. Do unto others. Most of the commandments His Father brought down are the basis of law in almost every civilized country in the world. After two thousand years the bible is still the best selling book every year after year. I think They are onto something.

Sure in our own unique way we have lost much of the symbolism. We have morphed a very basic message into some sort of extravaganza. We all have used religion as an excuse for tyranny and violence over the centuries. Peace has become power.

When I put out the “lumenaria”.  I will think of all of you. I will think of New York and San Francisco. Providence and San Diego. Scottsdale and Vail. Ireland  in a special way.  I will think of my brother and my parents. My friend John. A special lady named Rosemary

I will then go in and have a glass of red or a special Irish whiskey. I will sit in front of the fireplace and say Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

As always

Ted The Great

Factoids: Not this week.

News In Review…..

Scientists Are Close To Being Able to Cure Aging….

Now let me get this straight. We are underfunded on pensions to the tune of a gazillion dollars. We have 4 billion people who go to sleep every night hungry. Every developed nation has huge deficits. And we could have Harry Reid, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi in Congress forever. Please tell me how this is good?

MF Global Has No Idea Where the $1.25 Billion Is

Was is just me or was it weird having Jon Corzine on the stand? Former head  of Goldman Sachs. U.S Senator. Governor of New Jersey. On first blush after seeing that bio, no wonder he doesn’t know where the money is. This really gets into the realm of the absurd. The top three could not explain anything. Colossal coverup or really stupid?

We Are Doing Fine And Don’t Need Regulation…..

Yes, my favorite Wall Street Exec, Jamie Dimon, head of JP Morgan Chase, decided he wanted to give us all an IQ test. Note the above on MF as well as the other various payments of fines by his cronies, who of course admitted no wrong doing. You wonder if they are arrogant, ballsy or just incredibly stupid? And are we?

Rush Has It All Figured Out…..

This was my week for listening to conservative talk radio. Rush without any tongue in cheek said the financial crisis was completely the fault of the lower and middle class. He said the banks were forced into making bad mortgage loans. He said Wall Street had the securitization of mortgages jammed down their throats. All this while these people were lying on their applications. They are the real culprits. What do you think gang?

Putin is to Be Crowned King…

Well Vladimir has it all figured out. Medvedev ruled for six years and now he is ready to swap jobs so he can be big boss for two consecutive terms of 6 years. Just to make sure, they stuffed ballot boxes in front of foreign observers. So what happens? The billionaire owner of the soon to be Brooklyn Nets now says he is going to run against Putin. This is the guy who got arrested for hiring hookers for a Christmas celebration. I really can’t make this stuff up.

Obama Celebrates The Pullout. ….

President Obama with an absolutely straight face says the U.S. is getting out of Iraq. He failed to mention we have built the largest U.S. embassy in the world and there will be 16,000 diplomats and private contractors remaining behind. Imagine. We have spent almost a trillion dollars and countless lives on this fiasco. That is the same as saying we could burn through a million dollars a day for the next 330 years to achieve that burn rate. But that is okay because Iraq has the second largest oil reserves in the world and after we got the WMD’s, we were going to pay for everything with that oil.  And now Iraq is making up with Iran. Man, I thought I was lousy at investing.

Obama Holds Up The Canadian Pipeline….

Canada wants to run a pipeline from Alberta to the Gulf of Mexico. It would run through Nebraska and create quite a few jobs. Obama has postponed the decision until further study is done and of course that study can’t be completed until after the election.EPA has endorsed it. Nebraska says it may screw up the ground water. I would  agree except for the fact that dozens of older pipelines already run through the area. But then again TTG that is somewhat logical.

Newt Says Palestine Is a Fabrication….

Newt goes on Israel TV to say the umpteen million Palestinians are really not Palestinians. He is a history professor and of course has put things in historical perspective for Fannie and Freddie to the tune of over a million. But if he is so good at the decades past and has now become a Catholic how does he explain all the Palestinians in the Bible? I guess I really am as dumb as I look.

Folks, the above bylines are just a weeks worth. I tried not to scold one side more than the other. I left out child molestations. I couldn’t go on any more about college shootings. Basketball brawls. Occupy Wall Streeters. Alec Baldwin. Herman Caine. My poor little fingers couldn’t type all that much.

My kids don’t read newspapers. Maybe I don’t blame them. We have got a great country and a great world. But we have all lost sight of the big picture. We are so keyed in on our own little worlds we really don’t see the forest through the trees. I get annoyed when someone young or old says to me,”Well what is the problem really?” without having done any work on their own.

I am not trying to be a downer just before Christmas. I am usually an incredibly upbeat person. Sure I could ignore it all and look the other way. Can’t go there. Neither should you. I will cheerlead as best I can but people have to have pride and know what we are trying to accomplish. They have to educate themselves. They have to listen. They have to come out of their foxholes. We are slowly being overrun.

As always

Ted The Great


Rush Limbaugh is affiliated with 600 radio stations nationwide. He has a five year contract that pays him $250 million or approximately $1 million per week.

When testisfying Jon Corzine’s name plat actually said “The Honorable”Hmm.

There are actually a mriad of more than twenty interstate and intrastate pipelines through Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming and Iowa to name a few.

President Obama through channels actually asked for our highly secret drone back. Dick Chaney wanted to launch a military mission into Iran to either take out the drone or retrieve it. Rush actually blamed Obama for not having a self destruction device aboard.

Russia has approximately 143 milion people and at 6.5 million sq miles of land area and is the largest country in the world in geographical terms.

Last but not least there are approximately 4 million Palestinians in the Sinai. Maybe we can get Penn and Teller to make them go away.

PS I will be in better humor next week. I promise…sort of. Depends on what Timmy Terrific and the Broncos do.

When You Are Smiling…….

I have gloated over my grandkids and especially our new baby granddaughter, Phebe Kathryn. Sorry about that but it is Padge’s prerogative. I have truly marveled at all of their first eight years so far. The progressions they make but also how they develop their sense of self and yes, a personality.

Just look at an infant’s facial expressions. They hear a noise. They see a light. They feel a touch. They react. In the very early days and months this is an incredible adventure. Nothing goes unnoticed. It is all going into the memory bank.

In the very beginning they don’t care what you are doing as long as you are feeding them. As a matter of fact I guess that goes on for all of us for too many years. They smell the food or eye the bottle and you are numero uno. But much more is their smile. They approve of you and want to be appreciated as well. There is cooing and billing. Life is good everywhere.

When her brother Anders comes into the room, Phebe lights up. She hears him and the grin appears. Being true show people they now have a Mutt and Jeff act that can be performed on demand. Very cool.

I started thinking about this whole smile thing. It really is a reflection of who you are inside. I can see the older kids force a mug for the camera as if to say “Do I have to?” I also see them chortling full bore and there is a glow that is hard to ignore. Who cares if they are nailing you with a water gun? It’s the best.

I see smiles in the teens. They are sometimes forced. They are awkward. They are embarrassed. They are in the midst of puppy love. They don’t want to show those braces. They are trying to hidebullies and putdowns. They want to show something but they are so confused.

College and post studies give you more of an air. Be cool. Sophisticated. We have got to be thinking of a career. Don’t want to seem too blasé. Sure I can keep my nose to the grindstone. Know your spot. Know your place. You are on display.

Later in life your smile matches your standing. You are important and you want to show it. Don’t flash at just anyone. Remember you are really in the big time now. Be reserved about everything you do. The world is your oyster and there to serve you.

Then it is time to retire. You don’t have to care about anyone else except close friends and family. You have your own little life and let’s not have anybody mess it up. You’ve got plans but they are solitary. No need to involve any one else. You have earned it. Is it a smile or a smirk?

Now life moves on and the smiles are hard to come by. God it hurts when I get up in the morning. Those grandkids are coming by. I love them but only in small doses. My time is valuable you know. Make it between two and three. I have a full schedule.

And you draw further and further into your self. People think you are getting a little grouchy. They are right, but they haven’t been through you have been through. “I’ve worked my ass off like you will never know.” Oh yes I forgot. You earned it.

Then that time comes for it to run out. People gather with frets and fears. They fawn and the fuss. They want you to feel comfortable. You don’t think of the deals you missed. You think of opportunities for love lost. It is so hard to smile. Your body and your heart ache. Maybe just one last time I can force just one more. It is the way I want to be remembered.

I am not sure where I am in the process. And neither are you. I am going to reinvent my smile at least one or two more times. I am going to try to be warm and not superficial. I will have love not hate in my heart. I will forgive and hope that I am forgiven. I just want to tell you how good life has been to me.

I want to be like Phebe. I want to light up when people enter the room. I want to listen so hard and strain my eyes so I can pick up every detail. I want to put them in my mind to treasure. I can think of so many reasons to smile. Here comes another one now.

As always

Ted The Great.

There was a study that measured smiles in high school yearbook photos and looked at what the students were up to decades later. The bigger smilers were more likely to be in a long-lasting marriage and to have a better sense of personal well-being


Another study found that the size of major league baseball players’ smiles in their trading-card photos predicted longevity. Players who didn’t smile at all lived an average of 72.9 years, those with some semblance of a smile lived 75 years and those with a “beaming smile” lived to be nearly 80. Right on.

Smiling is contagious, and children do it as often as 400 times a day. How many times have you smiled today? I bet you are smiling right now.

In brain studies, a smile stimulates the brain as much as 2,000 bars of chocolate and lowers stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline and while boosting positive ones. Let’s have a smile run for office.

It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.