You’ll never know how much I hurt. My muscles, my bones ravaged by an unspeakable pain. It screams when I turn. It sends mind numbing shots even when I breathe. The cancer eats at every part of me with unrelenting vigor. How much longer? How much further? You’ll never know.

You’ll never know the loss of a child. The emptiness. The hopelessness. Dreams unfulfilled. People never met. Such a sweet young thing. So precious. So vulnerable. That bastard that started her down the road to ruin. Hell would be too good for him.

You’ll never know the abuse I endure. I answer your phone. I get your coffee. I smile for clients because I need this job so badly. Only to go home and face the gauntlet. The onslaught of brute strength that I used to crave. The vitriol of his drunken stupor has replaced words of love. You’ll never know.

You’ll never know the ache in my heart as I drive down the street of dreams. That love nest that we worked so hard for. Room to grow. The papering. The painting. The place of joy. Now it is all gone as we look forward to nothing but despair and unknown. You’ll never know.

You’ll never know this stranglehold of depression. The world is so bright on the outside and bleak on the inside. I crave sleep to let this horror go. I just want so bad to be so normal. I want to stop crying. I want to be me again. You’ll never know.

You’ll never know the vise of dependency. The booze. The drugs. The wandering of the streets looking for sex. The refrigerator and pantry that beckon like a siren. You call me weak. You tell me to shape up. You want to step on me when I need so much for you to just hold me. You’ll never know.

You’ll never know how cold it gets. The tricks of the trade. What keeps you warmer. Metal or cardboard. I can sleep with one eye open so I don’t get my last worldly possession ripped off. Alcohol can be found in everything from cough syrup to anti freeze. Tomorrow? Maybe. But if it never comes no one will ever know.

You are so flip. So glib. You have all the answers or so you think. You don’t know how to even ask the right questions. You have grown cold. Aloof. It’s all about you. You are right I need to get a life. My own. But maybe you need one too. You’ll never know .

You couldn’t know because you never look beyond your own world. It’s not about rich. It’s not about poor. No matter your lot in life. You are so brazen to think the world rises and sets on your doorstep. It’s so easy being you. So horrible to be me. You’ll never know.

Life is a spread sheet to you. An algorithm. Solve for X. Prove for Y. There are assets and liabilities. Return on investment and equity. There are no poets or musicians or teachers in your life. Just bottom lines and basis not basses and soulful lines. You think you have so much. You really have so little.

It’s a tough world you say and yes it is. You are quick to convict the murderer unless it’s your own son or daughter doing the crime. You curse the thief but are free to practice white collar crime. You want everyone to get a life but you have none. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps you say, although you know they are worn and frayed. No pity. No compassion. No soul. Just leave it and go to bed. The cleaning lady will be in here in the morning to clean up this mess.

But if I ever find an end, it will taste so good. I will drink from just the simplest of things. A warm bed. A tender touch. A meal so simple yet so exquisite. Maybe it is when God welcomes me home. The pain over. The joy eternal. I tell you of this though I think you will not hear it. You won’t realize that I will pray for you. You are too busy and I understand. You are so smart but then again you’ll never know.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Estimates are that 3-3.5 million people are homeless every night in our country. There could be up to 1.5 million of those who are children. Home might be a car or a tent but they are homeless.

There are currently 1.5 million homes in foreclosure as of this moment with millions already having been adjudicated. Many overstretched but so many lost their dream due to illness, loss of jobs or broken families.

Addiction definition: noun
The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Think hard. You may be addicted to something.

If you have gotten this far you do know. A little empathy could go a long way in this man’s world. I can’t hope to feel your pain but I am going to work on it. Hope you can too.
I have pushed a different envelope with this one. Let me know.

Writers Note: Georgia On My Mind was written about the Masters before the Boston Bombing. I thought we could use a little fun. Even more fun? See the Factoids

We traveled up I 75 somewhere south of Atlanta. It was Saturday and we were heading home to Colorado. A wonderful trip with many friends and family in Sawgrass was in the victory lap and the trees were bursting open and the grass a brilliant shade of green. Just ahead was the turnoff for Augusta and visions of azaleas in bloom danced in my head.

The Masters is like no other. Take all the glitz of the Pro Golf Tour and throw it out the window. This is golf’s temple and you can cheer but rowdy will get you a quick exit. The golfers are more than respectful and you have never heard “sir” uttered more times from so many tour hotshots. They know their place.

We had dinner with a friend who is both a wonderful golfer and gentleman. His 3 handicap earned him no more than a ticket to the practice round but you could see the gleam in his eye as he talked of not a blade of grass out of place. He noted the pitch of the greens and the grade of the hills. Far cry from Florida flatlands and Pebble’s Beaches. A little bit of Heaven.

There’s royalty but on the course it doesn’t matter. An eighth grader from China outshone last years winner. Unknowns poke in and out of the leader board and there is hope for even some old farts in the early going.

Kath and I planned each day’s move to arrive somewhere around 4 PM. Clarksville, Tennessee and Salina, Kansas have TV and that is all that matters. They didn’t even have to leave the light on for us. The wine was opened early and we had a front row seat. I thought of setting up ropes in the room.

The course is magnificent but the toll it takes is even more masterful. Tigers become pussycats and the big hitters shrivel and drop away. Finesse reigns in what has become a brassy world. The putt is the simplest stroke of all. It doesn’t require any amount of strength except in your heart. It brings grown men to tears.

It’s great to see them crack. I cheer when Rae’s Creek sucks up yet one more Pro V. Odd bounces go either way but most of the time “this can’t be good.” Yet it all comes down to the final nine on Sunday. You idiot! You know exactly where the pin is. They have had it in the same place year after year and you still miscalculate. Choking dog? You bet.

You don’t have to be a golf aficionado to enjoy the Masters. It is the greatest metaphor for stress and struggle there is. That is not hyperbole. Millions of people at home lean at every wayward drive. They put body English on every putt and have a sick feeling in their gut as it roars five to six feet by.

You pick your favorite as you would in any horse race. You go to the whip at the far turn and you pray your boy holds on till the finish. And just when you think you have it made that SOB comes from the outside and turns victory into defeat. Nothing like it. So close and yet so far.

This year’s finale was one of the best with two dark horses( Sorry couldn’t resist) showing their mettle at the end. For both warriors to birdie the 18th was something for the movies. The two playoff holes were the best you will ever see. For once, no one lost but one guy won and that was way cool.

Every one said that the old Angel Cabrera couldn’t withstand the pressure but they forgot his background. He quit school to become a caddie for what he thought was the rest of his life. He became a pro but didn’t forget his roots. He had a doctorate in caddie yard putting and chipping. Case closed.

Adam Scott hadn’t been able to find the hole all day with the proverbial two hands and a flashlight. Stevie was his caddie but I thought his last name was Wonder. And yet the Aussie came through for himself but even more for a proud sports nation.

Angel was agonizingly close and in the end beyond a gentleman. He hugged his son and then he did the same to his opponent as if he was his son. There was exhaustion and tears and most of all humility. There was a sense that this sport like so many others with egos and dollar signs had just a little bit of sanity and above all gentility. Wish we could bottle that. Maybe we can.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:

Unlike the three other major tournaments that define the golf season, the Masters is not run by a national governing body, either of the game or of its professionals. It is run by a private club, which sets the requirements for qualification. The prize is not a championship title but the club’s green blazer.

The tournament was not played during the years 1943, 1944 and 1945 because of World War II. To help with the war effort, turkey and cattle were raised on the Augusta National Grounds.

No amateur has ever won the Masters.

Sandwiches also still cost under $3 at concession stands at Augusta National

Have a Good Time Full moon over Wellington, NZ…….

Here is something a bit random, but none-the-less astounding. A work mate of mine who is also a photographer captured what is, to me, one of the most remarkable things I have ever seen filmed.

It is a 3 minute video clip of the full moon rising over Wellington. It was shot on Jan. 28, 2013, a calm summer evening, as people gathered on the Mt. Victoria Lookout point to watch the moon rise.

This stunning video is one single real-time shot, with no manipulation whatsoever. The camera was placed on a hillside over 2 kilometres from the Lookout point, and was shot with the equivalent of a 1300mm lens.

The amount of planning, trial and error, and luck that went into this are mind blowing. He has been trying to capture this for over a year with many failed attempts. But 2 nights ago it seems everything was on his side, and it all came together in a way even he couldn’t have hoped.

I honestly can’t say enough good things about this video – from the magnitude of the visuals, to the intimate stories playing out with the people, to the sheer humbling nature of seeing the awe-inspiring reality of this giant rock in the sky that we so often don’t stop to appreciate.

One thing I encourage you to do is watch this on the biggest screen you have – don’t waste it on an iphone screen.

I had to catch myself yesterday. I wanted to cry. At the gym and watching TV on the Stairmaster, I had quickly grown sick of the coverage. A day that had dawned so pure and innocent on the Great Plains was no longer. I didn’t want to see the endless reel of mutilations. I didn’t want to hear the overly emotive speculation of announcers.I shut it off and just climbed and climbed.

I was not trying to escape the harsh realities of life. I was just trying to make sense of it. We watch the TV in the hope that something will turn out differently. Maybe it is a dream or not as bad as we thought? Sorry. The script just doesn’t change.

We had started the day in Salina, Kansas. We had 450 miles to go on our cross country trek to Denver and we decided on Sunday to get a room for the night and watch the Masters. Monday the time zone was in our favor but we still opted to get an early start.

Early morning on the prairie can play tricks on your eyes and your mind. The sheer beauty of looking 100 miles away is something I hope you all will experience some day. Denver was expecting snow but here it was clear and spring like. That happens out here. You can see fronts as if the sky was a weather map. You watch weather change before your eyes.

We saw a Conga Line of lights off in the distance. Hard to tell if it was a convoy of semis or UFO’s. It turned out to be a work train for the Union Pacific and there were a dozen mechanized wonders that were replacing railroad ties. Not a few but hundreds at a time. Quietly but steadily going about their business. Spring cleaning.

I thought to myself. “I wonder what Mother Nature has up her sleeve today?” The beauty of the East Coast is watching the sun come up. The West is watching it go down. I just revel in both sides. As that big orange lollipop jumps up you wonder what the day will bring. If you love life you can’t predict doom. Things have to be good.

In retro I wonder about all those people that were pounding the pavement in Boston on Patriot’s Day. They had trained endlessly for this, The Boston Marathon. It wasn’t a race as much as a cult experience. Known worldwide, it didn’t get any better. Check your gear one last time and get ready to go.

Whether they are 10K’s, marathons, or triathlons these things are anonymous. That’s the cool part of it. Sure you start with a friend or workmate but miles start to separate people and new friendships are born. Runners reach out to help and to be helped. There are the pros and then there are the ordinary Joes and Janes. Those are the ones who come in around 4 hours and 09 minutes.

Those are the ones that draw the crowds. The elites are home and showered. You struggle and wheeze up Heartbreak Hill and know that somewhere ahead is family. Your quads scream and blisters have now taken a turn for the worse but there are two things that drive you. One is your inner reservoir and the other is the sheer joy of your gang sharing the triumph with you.

And then some bastard stole all that. For whatever God forsaken reason he had chosen in his or her sick mind that this was to be the cause celebre. Their way of shouting protest. Of gaining notoriety. Of showing how far off the rails our world has gotten.

So many times we look from afar and say thank you God it wasn’t me. I can’t. Kathy and I met just a few short blocks from Copley Square. She lived on Newberry Street. Dating on an Ensign’s salary wasn’t glamorous and we often just walked right by the Pru or Hotel Lenox. Right by the Finish Line. There was simplicity and innocence. No more.

The young man that was slaughtered by a savage could have been my Jack or Aiden or Anders. He would have been smiling and cheering. Ready to hug me and I him. I would have to carry his broken lifeless body. I can’t imagine the devastation his father feels.

I know there will be more Auroras, Bostons and Sandy Hooks.There will be more useless tragedy. We will keep on. We will survive somehow. It’s the new normal. And yet I wonder, Where Have All the Flower’s Gone? Gone to graveyards every one. When wil we ever learn?

As always,
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Three people were killed and over 180 injured. One of the dead Martin Richard was 8 years old. His sister Jane who is 6, lost her leg. His mom has suffered severe head trauma and is in critical condition after surgery. Enough said.

If money is the root of all evil I guess evil wins. In our travels as well as our own hometown there has never been more evidence of sheer wealth. We were Australia and New Zealand early on this year and saw upfront the boat shows. Place after place displayed this yacht or that. Arabian oil ministers. Dot com stars. Wall Street types. They know how to strut their stuff

I live in Colorado and am a frequent visitor and former resident of Vail.That’s the place that is neighbor to Aspen and Telluride. I have family in the Hamptons and Palm Beach. We have invaded the harbors of San Diego and San Francisco. Scottsdale. Palm Springs. This wealth is not spotty . It is everywhere. It is with neither a avaricious or resentful mind that I view all this. I am simply flabbergasted. 

Open the Friday edition of the WSJ. There is page after page of can you top this. We no longer review the VW bug but have in depth analysis of the latest Beemer, Mercedes or Lambourghini. We are a star crazed society. We love to hear that so and so got this much for making a movie and who designed their gown. Did you see that ball player that is being paid $25 million per year?

Like so many things we don’t realize how this impacts us. Just like we view Medicare as free we can’t quite fathom that it is us that are footing the bill. Why do you think we pay $150 per month for cable.  We are funding their cavorting through the pages of People or their latest stint in rehab. This isn’t moralistic. I  just really wonder if we get it?

Stocks go up. Stocks go down. It’s okay we pay that CEO mightily because there are so few amongst us that handle the job. Tell that to the stockholders of JC Penney this morning. As I have said before if you are risking your own money make as much as you want. If it’s mine we should have a talk.

I saw a friend yesterday afternoon and he suggested today’s topic. I was going to write something fun about Lilly Pulitzer. I watched the news and saw the death of Margaret Thatcher and got deep in thought about how it hit me and you. Then of course the worst news of all to any male teen in the fifties. Mouseketeer Annette and heartthrob of millions had died. 

But yesterday we drove through what can only be described a poorer part of town. I don’t consider myself one of the landed gentry but the residents of this burgh were hurting. There the class divide was like gleaming headlights. Unemployed and just wandering around. Street corners were the meeting spots and I am sure the drug trade was vibrant. 

But there really is a more subtle separation of rich and poor and it is getting wider. The middle class as we know it is really in trouble. As the top grows so does the bottom. We have a jobless rate that is stuck but I really fear it is becoming institutionalized. Those jobs just aren’t there any more. 

A colleague sent me a note of analysis that recreated his journey somewhere. He went to the airport with his boarding pass in hand. Going to a kiosk he put that into a machine. Go to the counter and it cost you extra. Food came in vending machines which ironically reminded one of Horn and Hardart automates. No people there. The food on the plane was non existent. A lot less catering.

Now you pump your own gas. You change your oil and get service a lot less. Good for you. Bad for mechanics and gas stations. Need a rental car go right to the aisle without even checking in. Call the 800 number and go through robo menus. Go to the bank. What bank?  You get what I mean. 

We have basically consolidated business of every sort. Walmart and Costco have put Main Street out of business. The butcher. The baker. The candlestick maker. Liquor stores. Garages. Clothiers. It is becoming more apparent that shopping malls themselves are no longer a good use of your time. Use the internet. 

Some of you say great. We cheer the earnings every quarter. We just cut costs and improved return. Some say we don’t need all that human interaction. But underlying the increase in your IRA is a creeping disease. We are making the middle class irrelevant. Screw them you say? Be careful.

These are the folks that buy things. They pay cable bills. They go to the movies. They pay college tuitions. They buy cars. You say let the market forces take hold and you are right. What if some day we put the last touch on this great temple of consumerism and no one comes to pay homage? 

We have become insular and just worried about our own butts. We look at our gated communities and high end neighborhoods and no further. We really aren’t  the United States but a lot of little kingdoms. One has guns. One has Ferraris. One is white. One is black. I got to worry about me. Why the hell would Appalachia and barrios have anything to do with me? Wait. Make that suburbia too.

Houston we do have a problem. It’s hard to see and even harder to fathom. People are starting to speak out. We want to break apart that cable bill and pay only for what we want. Joe Six Pack won’t pay $600-700 to go to a Yankee game with his family of four. 80% of the country wants some sort of gun control. 

Let’s for a moment assume most of us are in the haves rather than the have nots. We figure we have this figured out and our money will last. I also guess that many of those with what they thought were secure pensions thought the same. Maybe just maybe we are not as smart as we think.

As Always 

Ted The Great

Factoids:

The largest yacht in the world is(Eclipse) 533′ long.At press time hear there is one 590′, Size matters. Go to CSO Yachts for fun. There is a 70 meter yacht for sale called the Reverie that goes for a cool 38.5 euros. If that doesn’t work how about the Sycare V. Same size but 75,000,000 euros.

Median Housing prices: Nationally $173,ooo .NYC,$349,000. LA $455.000. Honolulu $479,000. Palatka Florida $79,000

Pensions in the US are underfunded by some 22% .That’s $1.56 trillion. Boeing is short $19.7 billion.

In the fourth grade Sister Rose of Lima told me “Woe betide you”. I should have listened.

The Sequester continues to capture my attention. I still haven’t seen a lot of catastrophic occurrences but then again they may be just around the corner. But for now the thing we call government continues to rumble forward or wallow as your interpretation may dictate.

During the Doomesday Defense I was particularly taken by the 800,000 citizens who as civilian workers for the Department of Defense would feel the wrath of the sword. 800,000! And that is on top of the actual standing armed force of some 1.5 million active and 850,000 reservists. Holy Shamoley.

Now being of small mind I couldn’t go too deep into that management structure so I decided on a more reasonable target, The Executive Office of the President or EOP. Even this was no small task.

The EOP is everything that goes into the day to day running of the White House. You know the West Wing and all that jazz. What I hope strikes you is that nothing is simple. Also bear in mind that Thomas Jefferson had a secretary and messenger in time of yore. The buildup didn’t really get into high gear until FDR. The New Deal had to put people to work and they did. 

Now we start with POTUS. He actually only has 5 directs. But the VEEP has 90. Advisors of all sorts. The First Lady has 24 including those in advance(trip scheduling) and correspondence. Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Laura Bush had 18 and Hilary had 19. I guess Michelle’s war on fat needs more fat.

Now the Chief of Staff needs 110 minions but the deputy Chief needs an additional 60. The press secretary has a staff of 20 but then there is an office of communication that needs 20 more. I would love to hear the justification of that. Wrapping up that crowd is cozy group of 40 that work on travel only.

The Chief Usher is in charge of the house itself and has a group of 90 that vacuum,do windows and serve meals. There are 2300 of our armed forces that make sure Camp David is on the ready or that the Helicopter Squadron is on the pad. There are various officer types that are escorts at state dinners but who is counting. They are all on the Defense budget. Rounding out is a corps of 2300 Secret Service but then again they work for Treasury. And we can’t have White House tours at Spring Break. It would cost too much.

There are policy advisors on everything from National Security to AIDS and of course healthcare. Each one has a boss(Czars) and deputies for this or that. Then they have secretaries,drivers and yadda yadda. You get what I mean. There are 30 players in the office of Counsel to the President. They get to decide if water boarding is legal. Wonder what they get an hour?

There are about 1850 total direct employees and with the 4600 military and bodyguards it takes about 6500 warm bodies to open the doors to the People’s House. There are five hundred volunteers and a group of 100 interns that rotate through every four months. Monica rotated through several times but that’s another story. 

Now many of you are shaking your fist and decrying that SOB Obama. Go for it but it really hasn’t changed over the years. If these were the only culpable characters I would feel much better. But this is just one branch. You forgot about those dudes and dudettes at the other end of the mall. 

The numbers are as of 2000 which is the last time Congress would fess up and  produce a budget in the same year. There is Personal staff of 11,700. Each Representative can hire 14 and the Senate has no limit but the average is 34. Gotta keep in touch with the electorate.

Then the committee staff came in at 2492. They have 20 or so standing or full time committees in each chamber but this can grow into the hundreds depending on what they are investigating. Each member has his own staff for that particular committee. I am not making this stuff up. 

 Leadership staff of 274 (Speaker etc.). Institutional (Capitol Police, mess etc) number 5034. At last but not least the Congressional Budget Office of 232 and the General Accounting Office of 3500. The first tells where to spend the money and the second says if they did it right. Notice the disparity in numbers. Overall it is just shy of 25,000 human beings to staff Congress. That’s okay that chamber is so productive.

I was going to go into the Pentagon but scotch doesn’t come in fifty gallon drums. Just think about the Secretary of Defense and then the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and then the branches, NATO and on and on. All of these people have to be officed. Those can be palatial or cubicles but they have to be heated, cooled, furnished  and cleaned. 

It would be comical if it weren’t so sad. Just getting a grasp on the numbers has been mind numbing. Who can even begin to understand this much less manage it. Does it surprise you we have cost overruns and gigantic deficits? Who by any measure of sanity could suggest we need our government to be more involved?

Is there a solution? A whole different Manhattan Project comes to mind but they would investigate me and then lock poor old TTG up.  Might be worth it.  How about three or four sequesters? Please my friends just contemplate the BS we have gone through over across the board cuts. Think how many fiefdoms are raising the drawbridges over their moats? Not in my house!

I would love to see the press go through just one department. I would pay big time to go through every nook and cranny and expose the waste and corruption. Then multiply that by the number of power centers and we as Americans could not possibly feign ignorance or indifference. I am a little blear eyed but I am also terribly pissed.

As Always

Ted The Great

Factoids: You have got to be kidding.

Is it me or are we starting to come out of this thing? As I travel about the country I get the feeling that everything is going to be alright. I was speaking with a friend who stages homes. Her business stinks because people are selling houses quickly rather than having to move in chi chi trappings. They are looking good all on their own.

Healthcare costs are actually leveling off rather than soaring to meteoric heights. Say what you will but hospitals are finally getting the idea you can’t gouge the hell out of people. The fellow who wrote the tome for Time may have the unwashed masses questioning their doctors and their litany of tests. Amen.

There are cardiac and cancer centers cropping up everywhere. I think this is overkill(if you excuse the pun) but it may have some sort of sobering effect on the populace. They will have choices and will shop. That’s a little dicey when we talk about medical outcomes but they are beginning to realize they have alternatives. We still have a long way to go but we’ll take all we can get.

My daughter is an interior designer to the up and coming hot shot set. She charges less than the big timers but her plate is full. Maybe that is why. She has even hired here sister part time which is evidence of a boom or a touch of insanity for both.

Restaurants are the most amazing part. Le Cirque not exactly, but we do inhabit some decent feeding troughs. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You name it and the tables are full. We even had an emporium of eats in Denver taking itself just a little too seriously. I asked for a table for four at 7:00PM. The obviously nouveau riche maitre’d said we could come at 6:45 or 7:15. I said I was coming at 7 and to knock off the New York crap.

The Senate passed a budget for the first time in four years. We are actually talking about some element of gun control. I sat there somewhat disbelieving as NRA chief Wayne La Pierre said that a background check was delaying HIS people from buying guns for a couple of days. Then with a straight face he castigated Mike Bloomberg for spending $12 million on ads touting action on gun control that Wayno felt subverted the political process.

Now correct me if I am wrong but doesn’t the NRA give a fair amount of dough or at least threaten reps with extinction if they don’t agree with them? Isn’t that subverting something when polls show 88% of the country is for backgrounds checks? Do as I say not as I do.

Gay marriage. Immigration reform. We may even talk about a balanced budget and the deficit in the not too far distant future. Obama actually coughed up a possible admission that entitlements might be addressed. The only really depressing part was the number of amendments to the budget as passed. Some of them were truly bizarre. Funny until you consider that they had to be…. considered.

We survived the fiscal cliff, a Moody’s downgrade and now at least the front end of sequester. We canceled the White House tours for effect. We’ve closed some towers at obscure airports but I think on a planning basis we might be getting the word out that this can work. You mean TTG that we did not need full-time round the clock staffing at Baker Field in Ottumwa Iowa?

Now Al Sharpton has been saying we need spending but I think we tried that a couple of years ago and found very little makes its way through the morass of bureaucracy to fill those “shovel ready jobs”. About the only infrastructure that is getting built is in DC. Take a look at the backdrop next time a pol is on TV and count the number of cranes.

Color me reckless but I even see a glimmer of hope out of Rome. This guy Frances can’t be all bad. He’s a Jesuit and a down to earth guy. There’s going to be a glut in the used limo market in Rome. Can’t you just see the red hats of the Curia cringing as they saw the “man” getting on the bus and carrying his own bags. Get the popcorn ready.This could be good.

Yesterday I was sitting by the beach smoking a cigar and enjoying a vodka and tonic. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed two preteens walking up from the shore. They were laughing and they were obviously identical twins. As they got closer one had on what looked like a flower colored cast on her leg. Nearing me I realized it was her leg….artificial.

A friend told me her story. It seems that she had cancer earlier in life. She had to have the leg removed and lost all her hair. I am sure she wondered if I was undergoing chemo. But in her own words she beat it and was moving on with life. In my words she was both a heroine and a role model….for all of us.

I wish I could make her a poster child for the US of A. For the downtrodden and swells alike. I’d like her to go before Congress and the President. Tell them to stop the nonsense and speak of moving forward. I wish she could be a constant reminder that life deals you bad cards as well as straight flushes. You just don’t know and that is both the beauty and the tragedy of humanity.

It is sad we need reminders of broken bodies and busted dreams of kids and soldiers to get our act together. It’s a bitch I have to whack myself and you over the head with all we have. Let’s get positive. Something is happening here. Don’t get in the way.

As always,
Ted The Great

Factoids:
The federal budget the U.S. Senate passed contained so many proposed amendments that some of its amendments had their own amendments. The chamber voted on only a few dozen of the 572 amendments that were filed to the 94-page bill.

In each of the years 2011 and 2012, the NRA spent nearly $3 million on federal-level lobbying efforts. During the 2012 election cycle, the group laid out more than $25 million on ads primarily supporting Republican candidates or opposing Democratic ones.

The Quinnipiac University poll indicates 92 percent of U.S. voters support gun checks, and 56 percent want a ban on the sale of assault weapons and high-capacity magazines holding more than 10 rounds. At post time a new CBS poll seems to show a weakening of that resolve.

Through January 2013, S&P/Case-Shiller Home Price Indices showed average home prices increased 7.3% for the 10-City Composite and 8.1% for the 20-City Composite in the 12 months ending in January 2013. Kath, I think we better sell.

PS Ted’s Head is about what is going on in my brain. I have been cheerleading and personal lately because that is the way I feel. I’ll get back to being pithy but right now life is good.

With all this church liturgy going on around me I feel I have to confess. On my run. On the golf course. Even while I am sitting here writing my latest epistle. I have been playing with myself. No you slugs and voyeurs. Not that. I have been playing with my mind.

I decided to take a long run yesterday. As those of you who hit the pavement know, the first quarter to a half mile sets the stage for what is to come. Your old bones and muscles loosen up and you begin to hit a pace that is comfortable but not too easy. You want to feel like you are getting something out of this. 

But your mind starts to play tricks on you. You know from this point to the park is a mile but man it feels longer today. Does your calf feel tight? I wonder how far I will be able to go? Maybe not as far as I thought. Come on big guy. Push through it. 

Then a turn for the better. The “runner’s high” starts to kick in. You know the route by heart so you start thinking about things. The miles click away as you are deep in thought. You make a plan for the day. You try to solve a problem. You try to figure out what the hell you are going to write about later on today. So far. So good.

Then reality hits you. The big turn is coming up. If you go left it’s 4 1/2 miles. If you go right it’s 7. That mind is really playing tricks on you now. Aren’t you tired? Don’t you have things to do? Screw it. You go right and just keep plodding. The last challenge is a final sprint at 6.9 miles. Aaah! I made it but there were several times the result was in question. Now you feel like king of the mountain and not Willy the Wimp.

It’s amazing how many times your psyche works on you during a simple run. It’s even better on the golf course. You get over that shot over the water. You take the club back like you have several hundred times before but something sneaks into your brain. It shorts out every circuit in your body and as you come through spasmodic eruptions occur up and down your torso. You have choked  and your ball falls short with an ignominious plop/splash. 

Now when tragedy befalls the pro and duffer alike there is an immediate rush of excuses. Did you say something in the top of my back swing? I swear I heard a car backfire. Or maybe it was that gnat farting three fairways away. Otherwise I would have executed the shot perfectly. Ditto the quarterback. Foul shot shooter. Or the hockey shot that goes wide of an open net. 

The crazy part is that the situation itself is rather matter of fact. It’s how we react in our mind that creates such incredibly different results. Life does not throw you a curve. We do. And yet people everywhere will try to blame it on someone or something else. 

I really believe in the philosophy that no matter what happens in life better or worse is because of a decision you or I have made. I have said it before but in today’s day and age it bears repeating. You lose money on an investment? You made the trade. You are married to a horror show? You said I do. You make a million dollars? Nice choice.

We tend so much to blame the economy, the weather, the sun, the moon and the stars. Woulda’s coulda’s and shoulda’s become a mantra. Get over it. Live moves on. So should you and I. Reality doesn’t suck. You and I just think it does at times. 

I have learned many things about myself over these last twenty years. First is I am trying as hard as I can. If it is not good enough for you I am sorry about that. You move on and so will I. I have also tried to set realistic goals. It does not mean I am resting on my laurels but I am also not going to blow my brains out chasing some unachievable dream. Life is too much fun not to just sit down and enjoy it. 

Lastly is I try not to take myself too seriously. Most people don’t “know who I am” and that is fine by me. It is actually more fun to be unknown and be my crazy self. I don’t have any standards to live up to except my own. 

So Bless me Father I confess. I have been playing with myself. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. And I am having far too much fun for it to be legal. I hope all of you can do the same.

As always 

Ted The Great

Factoids

The human mind probably processes around 50,000 thoughts per day, 4000 per hour or 65 per minute.  Think fast.

Why do you people choke? Researchers argue that the subjects are victims of loss aversion, the well-documented psychological phenomenon that losses make us feel bad more than gains make us feel good . (In other words, the pleasure of winning a hundred dollars is less intense than the pain of losing the same amount.) Don’t think.

In Freudian psychoanalytic theory, defense mechanisms (or defense mechanisms) are psychological strategies brought into play by the unconscious mind[1] to manipulate, deny, or distort reality (through processes including, but not limited to, repression, identification, or rationalization),[2] and to maintain a socially acceptable self-image or self-schema.[3] Think positively

Well we are here smack dab in the middle of whole bunch of rancor and discussion. “Leaning In” by Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook is more than a book or controversial musing. It is candid discussion whose time has come. That’s right. From one of the male chauvinist creeps I am saying, Right On. 

That’s actually a little far from the truth. I am not as bad as I look. I have been surrounded by incredible women all my life. That’s my wife, my sister, my mother and my daughters and daughter in law and a lot of women friends to name a few. I have embraced them(well only a few literally) and cheered them on. In my own realm the above are so incredibly talented and just great people. I really don’t get the uproar. But then again I am a male.

It’s funny when I go to parties I drift to the left or the right as the case might be but it is usually in the direction of the opposite sex. They are fun and more than willing to enter into any type of conversation. Now  I’m not the sharpest pencil in the drawer but given the option of a frank discussion of this or that current event or the shot by shot recreation of some bozo’s golf game, what do you think I am going to do?

My somewhat alien outlook was reinforced several years ago as I departed J.J. Kenny. My brother Kevin asked me who I thought should head up the trading desk? I said without hesitation that Anne Conwell, a highly talented proven leader should. He simply stated, “No, seriously?” Anne didn’t get the position and in all candor she did not push for it which I think is the point of the book.

My sister and mom felt duty bound to their husbands and family which was understandable but sad in a melancholy way. They both had an enormous amount to contribute to both the corporate theater and world as a whole. An exaggeration? I think not. 

My wife approached things from a somewhat different angle. By her own choice her chosen profession was to be a mother. She could not have worked harder or with more ease. She was beyond good and has demonstrated that time and again as she advises her children and has now taken up the mantle with her grandchildren. She and I have been a good team but I would not feel differently if she had chosen a different lot in life.

How did this crap start or more importantly how is it perpetuated in a basically evil premise in so many parts of the world? Woman are not second class.This isn’t cultural but barbarian. How we accept that as a country among backward nations is beyond me. In so many cases it is considered a matter for diplomacy, which in my mind is just looking the other way. 

 I guess we can trace the male superiority complex back to the caveman era and all that hunter gatherer jazz. Well now there are more women graduating from college and getting PHD’s than men. They are a larger part of the electorate. Stay in the Bronze or Iron Age and get left behind mes amis. Kathy says and I really have to agree with her if we had women running the place we would have a lot less war. I’ll vote for that.

I listened in a distracted way to a special on PBS re feminism. While working on my blog I heard Gloria Steinem and a plethora of some pretty angry women. They not only professed their equality or superiority but a vitriol that bordered on a total detestation of anything with a penis. I couldn’t help but feel they had met their enemy and were taking no prisoners. If they did I shudder to think of the atrocities they would heap on my compadres at the female Abu Graib.  

I was actually hurt by the whole presentation not only as a man but as a human being. Color me human but I can get just as pissed off by Jane Fonda or Nancy Pelosi as I can by some ignorant slob. I can’t walk on people whether male or female. A vile hatred based on your sex doesn’t do it for me. I guess that is in some way where we have come. Too bad. 

As for the Catholic Church and my somewhat disengaged feelings, I really have a problem with an organization that espouses the equality of man(woman) but says that woman should not be qualified to become priests. I have a problem with a government that doesn’t really reflect its people in both numbers and makeup.

I don’t like heavy handed women but I feel the same way about arrogant men. It shouldn’t be who is in charge but how the hell can we all figure out a way to make this thing work. We all have our strengths…and our weaknesses too. Let’s try for a minute to hear the dialogue and not get hung up if it is coming in alto or bass. 

I guess I will have to give up my pass for the men’s grill. I may not be able to play in men’s day anymore. I will forfeit my key to the frat house. For every door closed there is one that opens. In actuality I would hope we could hang up our jockstraps and our bras as well as our egos. Life’s too short and there is too much work to be accomplished. Let’s not complicate this thing any more than it is.

As always

Ted The Great

Miscellaneous:

My thanks to theology Prof. Kathy Petrie for pointing out the reign of Constantine and the politicization of the Church began in the 300’s not the 600’s. Mea culpa.

A good friend passed along a website that has made me reconsider my position on gun control. Take a look.

http://conservativevideos.com/2013/03/jimmy-kimmel-exposes-ignorance-on-sequester-i-only-voted-for-him-because-hes-black/

 In 2003, there were 1.35 females for every male who graduated from a four-year college and 1.3 females for every male undergraduate. That contrasts with 1960, when there were 1.6 males for every female graduating from a U.S. four-year college and 1.55 males for every female undergraduate. 

In the sequester I think it is time for corporate America to sponsor certain government activities that have been curtailed. The DEA could have a Mexican Drug Cartel fund it. NIH and the FDA by the drug companies. White House tours could be underwritten by the Republicans. The Thunderbirds by Ford. And last but not least The Blue Angels by the porn industry. 

As a Christian and hopefully a Catholic I have been watching the Red Hats do their thing in Rome. I hate that they wear red. I hate that people kiss their rings. I hate that so many have gone so far astray.

I have told you before my faith is strong but my religion is teetering on collapse. You say it is just a passing thing but I think not. Christ was a simple man. He shunned politics. He had no visible wealth. He would talk to people in a conversational way. For all His heavenly power he was a very down to earth man.

He turned the reins over to Peter and Paul. They were very strong but of disparate views. Peter wanted this whole thing to be centered in Rome and Paul had bigger ideas. He traveled far and wide talking at Ephesus(Ephesians) and Philippo(Philippians) and Gallations(I guess that’s Gaul). You get my point.

They went along at a good clip until the 600’s when the Emperor Constantine saw a good thing and wanted to capitalize on it. He made Catholicism the religion of the empire and the road went downhill. This intertwining of men’s souls and their pocketbooks could not be good.

The church with its new found importance started having material things heaped upon it. This wasn’t necessity but the love of the finer things in life. Concurrent with this was the gradual evolution(maybe a poor choice of a word) of the coronations of kings and queens but only after the approval of the pope. So if you want to curry favor send a little gold Rome’s way.

This collection of wealth became more profound in the 900’s but the boys in red saw a chink in the armor. You see to that period in time priests were allowed to be married. The major drawback was not celibacy but the fact when they died their estate went to family and not the Holy Mother Church. Ergo they decided priests could no longer get married. They needed the dough.

They progressed along until the beginning of the Renaissance. You see the Golden Age was not exactly an explosion of creativity as it was once again the power of money. The royalty and doges of every sort discovered that the one with the most lauded artist had the power. Let’s cover the ballroom, boudoirs and sitting rooms with the most ornate and splendiferous art we can find. Do you think the Sistine Chapel was an accident?

The Sforzas, Medicis and Borghesis not only filled the halls with goodies but realized what a power center the Pope was. By figuring who was going to rule empires the Pope really had the last say. As it turned out the “families” raised sons to be pope. The “princes” aka the boys in red shared in that power. Good stuff was showered on all.

The power of the cardinals, bishops and priests really hit high gear.Indulgences.Orgies. Good times. No one could figure out why Luther wanted a reformation. Heathen! Non believer! He hit the nail on the head and no one liked it. The clergy reverted back to “if you don’t listen to me you are going to die in hell.” Strong stuff before Google and Facebook. Do you believe? Yes, I believe.

Now you believers and non believers alike are saying why is TTG teaching history or even worse theology? Because my friends, history has a way of repeating itself. Please bear with me.

Let’s go back a couple of hundred years when the founding fathers had an idea. It was simple and the pomp and circumstance was kept to a minimum. The assemblies were in Washington, Williamsburg and Philadelphia but I don’t know that anyone played Hail to the Chief at that time.

As time went on they kept the message simple and intrusion was minimal. But then again one day they realized they had power. And because they had power people were more than happy to shower wealth to curry favor. The message however simple was lost and it soon became all about them.

Shielded and separated from reality Washington became kind of like the Vatican. Shrouded in secrecy, the bastion of old men(and women), they told the people they didn’t understand. And yes if you don’t listen to them damnation or in this case recession or depression will be your comeuppance.

If you are like me you do not question the original premise but rather how it is being translated. You cannot stand the vestiges of power. You are incensed by the lack of common sense. You abhor that money has taken over a thing you hold so dear.

I am hoping the sequestered group in Rome will find some sort of Divine Guidance that says get your act together. Let’s find a guy who can stand up and face the music. Someone who worries about the common good rather than the vault. A leader who says let’s get back to basics and take all the bickering and pushing and shoving and stow it. Someone who says where we are at right now is plain wrong. Sound familiar? If they find him maybe they can tell DC how they did it.

As always

Ted The Great

Factoids:

The Borghese Gallery in Rome sits on acres of land and is home to millions if not billions in art collected by Cardinal(Red Hat) Borghese.

The Vatican Museum of statuaries, tapestries and other works of art can take several days to visit properly. All of the wealth entailed is the property of the Catholic Church.

The average net worth of congress is $1 million. The members of the Senate have seen their net worth increase by some 70% since 2004. The House has increased by 17%. Harry Reid is worth over $5 million and some say as high as $10 million although he has been in public service for 40 years.

In the church we use the title of reverend, most reverend, his Holiness etc. In government we say Mr. President, Mr Speaker, Governor, Mayor etc long after they have gone on their way. Maybe we should just call everyone by their first names.

The Human Condition….

It’s been snowing here in Denver and boy do we need it. There is a beauty to new fallen snow and the sun peering through naked branches that give you a sense of renewal. The subzero air cracks and that is just fine. The fireplace is blazing. The world is a pretty good place.

By the same token it probably is a bummer to many. Grumblings about the thermometer, slick roads and walks to be shoveled are part of a litany to be recited by a certain breed of cat. Same picture. Just looking at things through a different lens.

I always get to wondering if either side is built that way. You know the old half full, half empty gig. It would seem to me at birth we have to look on the bright side. Taking that ride from belly to lap, almost being strangled by what is supposed to be a life line and then the ignominy of someone whacking you on the ass to get you started. It’s got to get better.

The journey begins. Some are swaddled. Some are hugged. Some are loved. Some are praised. Some are cursed. Some are abandoned. Some are just ignored. A wonderful gift or a horrible inconvenience. And all the time that tiny babe just wants to feel like they are loved…that they belong.

That need for affection never drifts far. As a son or a daughter they want their parents to be proud. As a sibling you just want to measure up. As a member of society you always wonder what your place is. As a future mate you are always on the lookout for someone who will think you are special. Worthy of their love all.

As I ponder the imponderables I wonder how people go wrong or is it even fair for me to say? I still don’t know whether good or evil is inherent. I know which one I am rooting for. But events not only of the past few weeks give me pause.

There was an altercation at 4:30AM in Las Vegas where someone got annoyed. They proceeded to pull alongside the offending car and just blew him out of the water. There are mothers and fathers that kill their young. There are lovers that kill each other. Monsters that shoot the masses and then themselves. There was a beautiful 17 year who committed suicide a day after a glorious day of skiing with her father. Are they really built this way?

I think life changes people but it starts with the parents. Is our love genuine or does our fawning produce a false sense of security? Do we prepare our kids for life or do we depend on the streets to do it for us ? Do we treat them so harshly that the resentment grows and grows? Or are they shielded from any sense of reality? Good questions. Don’t know that I really have the answers.

I think many of us cop out on life or maybe that is too harsh. What I really mean is that we don’t really dig deep to find out how this all ticks. We get so wrought up in our own problems we fail literally to see the forest through the trees. There is a big picture but we only look at our own closeups. Are we living in the world or just trying to manage it?

The outgrowth of this narcissism is that we cannot accept change of any sort. We are so threatened by new ideas we hunker down. Thinking outside the box is derided and we pray for failure of these upstarts lest we be proven wrong. “That’ll never work” becomes a mantra.

The human condition is also the human spirit. It craves acceptance and yet at the same time it wants to cut loose. It has all these great ideas looking for a home. And we shoot them down. We razz. We insult. We bully. Toe the line. When someone says you don’t understand them, maybe they are right.

I don’t think grouches, malcontents or even killers are born. By some quirk of fate or unfairness of life they became that way. But like any other modicum of behavior it has been acquired and I believe that habit can be broken as well.

Whether it is politics, religion or just life in general let’s look at things as a snowy morning. The sky is Colorado blue and the slate is clean. Yesterday and all its travails are long gone. We are going to make it. But we have to think and act a different way. Not as hard as you think.  Remember getting born was the tough part. Let’s enjoy the ride. Embrace the change.

As always

Ted The Great….

My Human Condition: Half full and climbing.

Factoids:

People are prone to depression and mental illness. It’s life. Some more than others. It is called dysthymia or a proclivity towards negativity. Genes and environment have a huge effect on our mind state. It can be changed.

Over half our population will face some sort of mental illness in our lifetime. Fully 20% at any given point in time.

Suicide does not come on in an instant. It is the result of an acquiescence to life. That struggle which many times is not manifest has taken years if not months of torture to finally end.

The absurdity of life is that if a mass killer or suicidal person spoke up they could be treated. But life puts such a stigma on this “coming out” they never want to risk exposure.

Our society today with such an emphasis on achievement and accumulation of things at earlier and earlier ages will only exacerbate the problem.

Sequestration..The Catholic Church. Too easy this week. Stay tuned