I had a great breakfast with a good buddy the other day. In a manner of speaking, we have both been through a variety of life’s skirmishes in the last few months. His were far worse than mine. As we sat, the questions became more personal and probing. Not nosy as much as showing genuine care and interest. It felt good on both sides. 

Afterward, I started pondering about the nature of friendships or relationships if you will. What creates them? What prevents them? Why are we so reticent about letting people in? Is it pride,fear, or even shame? A lot of questions for my poor little brain. All the while, good fun. 

It seems we are social beings. We like to interact and be noticed. We want to be worthy of someone’s attention, to be worthwhile. But what if we are not? Our crazy world scores everything. How you act, what you say, what you are wearing. It causes so many people to back off entirely. Who needs it?  

We fear a lot of things these days. The world is not a pretty place. There are revolts and coups. It seems the big guys are building bigger, better and faster missiles that preclude any sort of early warning. At home, a cyberattack can wipe out your life’s savings. There are a lot of crackpots with guns. Road rage? Fuhgeddaboutit. Better to stay out of harm’s way….physically and socially. 

Why would anyone in their right mind speak up? There are people laying in the weeds just to pounce upon any misstep or faux pas. We seek out friendly spaces that are beyond predictable. We build our own little fortresses. We want comfort even if it is at the cost of discovery.  It’s just not worth it. 

Remember when you first met someone? They seemed nice. You are attracted and want to get to know them better. You open up just a tad bit more every time you meet. You want to be so careful as to not look totally stupid. Each step is a balancing act between openness and wariness. You become more comfortable. More trusting. Maybe even show a few warts here and there. 

Now if you are Joe or Jane Cool, you have never given it a thought. Feel free to exit now. I will probably bore you. But for the rest of us schmucks, interactions with others can at times be a tightrope. At some point we have to be vulnerable, to be dare I say, authentic. This is where the rubber meets the road. 

Life is full of hit and runs. We are all at a cocktail party. Hi’s and air kisses abound. We chat briefly about this or that. How’s the weather? Do you want to hear about my golf game? No and I don’t want to be graced by descriptions of your children and grandchildren. It is not a place for deep conversation but we do look for some form of connectivity. Kathy and I will talk later and say,”That person or persons really seemed nice.” Maybe we can get to know them better.

My wife is more selective than I am and it is a good thing. A buddy of mine said I could talk to a tree. I want to know everybody. I reach out a lot and have been burned a lot. Tragic flaw! Do I want to be amigos with everyone? No, but I want to be open to the possibilities. It is something I have done over the years. Maybe my moat is just not that wide. 

Authenticity to me is simply what I believe and being true to that. I hope that comes across in friendships and in my writing. It is intriguing because there is a debate as to whether that is ingrained from early childhood or an adaptation over the years. I think I will go with the latter. As we learn, we grow. Yet I have to have a basic set of principles. They may come in conflict with yours but I have to know that you are being true to yours also. It is a thing that combines trust with compassion. 

It is odd that we are ingrained from childhood with the opposites. Don’t talk that way. If you take left or right viewpoints, you must be hanging around with the wrong type of people. Exploration and experimentation are becoming more and more taboo. Loving parents want to protect us from all harm. No negative situations. No controversy. Stick with me kid and you will go places. Then again maybe not. 

A relationship or friendship does not have to involve romance or be overly serious. It can be friends just sitting down to talk. But beyond the superficial, you have to be real, honest and yes, vulnerable.  You take risks. There are no guarantees. Our world is imperfect. Not everyone will like you. So what? Think of all the opportunities you might miss.

I take chances with my writing. I am not looking to prove anything. I am taking chances you might laugh at me but maybe, just maybe I will find a couple of kindred spirits who want to share something of themselves.  And that my friends might lead to a deeper friendship for us. I could not think of anything better.

As always 

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

A surprising or unexpected reward causes an extra dopamine release. So every time we do something with an uncertain outcome—taking a “risk”—increased dopamine is released while we are determining what happens. This release alerts other parts of the brain that the activity or situation is new and deserves attention.

One study estimated that it usually takes around 219 hours to become good friends with someone while engaging in small-talk. But it is also common for people who have known each other for years to continue in surface level interaction, failing to develop a deeper level of relating.

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather an expression of courage and authenticity. It is very meaningful to realize you are not the only one that feels a certain way. 

Brené Brown is a researcher and storyteller who’s spent two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. Look her up on Ted Talks. She has a lot to say. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. 

A lawyer friend many years back was talking about his practice. It was a partnership. He said partnerships are great until one side or the other feels like they are being screwed. Then it should be disbanded immediately for no good will come of it. Seemed to make sense at the  time  but I wonder?

As I ponder it is amazing that we get involved in so many partnerships. It could be our marriage, affiliations, religion, business, or pickleball. We are together like it or not for a short or long period of time. We join a club or live in a community or even country. The depth and duration of that relationship relies on many factors. 

Let’s start off easy and talk about marriage Ha! It is the topic de jour in many ways today. If one goes back in time the reasons for tying the know were more mercenary and strategic.

People had a lot of kids because that meant more avenues of income or at least hands to work in the family business. Families joined because it was advantageous to expand wealth or land ownership. Love had very little to do with it despite what the poets said. 

Then the rebels appeared. Dowries and alliances not withstanding, people wanted to look at things in a different way. Genealogy and background checks gave way to a scary thought. I just might want spend my whole life with someone because they were fun to be around. We had mutual interests, beliefs and goals. We might want to have kids not to pad the bankroll but because they added a wonderful dimension to our life. What were we thinking?

The different roles in marriage became less traditional. Men felt threatened that there might be more than one breadwinner. Women wanted their freedom from household chores and childbearing. Some sought out mates of the same sex. Single parents chose to do so. Therein lay the subtle but vital change. People thought about themselves for better or for worse. 

Partnerships in business are sometimes relegated to law firms, accounting outfits and of course the financial canyons of Wall Street. To be chosen is to be anointed. You were vetted for rep and spunk. If you knew how to attract clients and make money, welcome to the family. If not, you were sent off to ply your trade elsewhere. I have often wondered if an obnoxious so and so who could bring in mega millions would be admitted to that inner sanctum? It’s only business, you know. 

Sometimes partnerships on the world stage are purely a matter of accommodation. Deep down our cultures have nothing in common, but I need your weaponry. I will trade with you but not with them…until the other side has more to offer. Or perhaps you just want to avoid them getting in bed with your adversary. Note the recent state dinner for the president of Kenya. Back slapping and toasts while the cue cards are held up so you don’t forget names. I love you man!

Partnerships require work and a crazy thing called trust. If I am really good at it, I am worrying about the other side. How can I help them? How can I look out for their needs? In a totally ridiculous moment I might put their interests above mine. But in our screwy society we are going the other way. It is dog eat dog. We crave the serenity of solitude. We want our space. We want our freedom. 

Some might call this evolution and maybe it is. Or maybe it makes no sense at all. For the most part we are urban societies. We have left the farms and burbs to seek out fortune. The city offers a melange of restaurants, museums and watering holes. The anonymity belies hit and run. Hookups and relationships have to fit the moment and the need. You can be random and without roots. And we wonder why a great young man or woman can’t find the right person? Deep down I think they really want to. 

When I worked on Wall Street the trading room was large. You exchanged ideas and emotions. Now all you have to have is a Bloomberg machine and a chunk of capital. You are a millionaire at 30 and cock sure you don’t need anyone else. I don’t need anyone but me. I have it all. Really? Ditto so many other walks of life. 

The biggest partnership of all is our little old planet earth, or at least it should be. By all outward appearances this ain’t going to happen anytime soon. We clean up oceans and let others pollute theirs. We are oh so righteous but will buy anything made by slave labor because the price is right or the margin so much better. We are nationalists in every corner. We don’t want to spoil the blood line. That is true in every little burgh, big state or nation. We want freedom from the tiniest care. We want everything provided. We are entitled! 

I have had a great partnership with the lovely Kathy for 53 years. We have a wonderful family of kids and grandkids. Has it been hard at times? Of course but we have had a lot of fun. Are we perfect? No way. But we have worked at it and in the end you can look back and say we have done good. Above all we have just shared experiences and life. Not a bad way to fly. It would really be no fun to do it alone. 

As Always 

Ted The Great 

Countries have formed alliances since 500 BC. The Pelopennisian cities of Greece and the early Latin Leagues were for commerce and defense. Today there are 60 such groupings throughout the world with a vast majority involving mutual defense. 

A good partnership from marriage to business to nations requires constant change and innovation. The world changes. We have to adapt. 

NATO was formed in 1949 with 12 countries. Now there are 32. It invoked Article 5 Military Commitment for the first time after 9/11

Divorces are trending downward. So are marriages

It has been a crazy few weeks. I have written three other treatises that I decided not to publish. They weren’t that bad but I confused even myself. There are so many different crosscurrents in today’s world. It is so easy to blame others or yearn for the good old days.

I have decided that I am tired of analyzing and parsing, seeking that certain something that will unlock the secrets of life. I no longer want to listen to everything bad in the world. I could care less about Trump, Biden, Netanyahu, Musk and Bezos to name a few. Met Galas, Tom Brady, and LIV/PGA controversy are not worth my time. I am just going to look into the mirror and figure out how to move forward.

It finally dawned on me that we truly do live in a different world than when I grew up. That time was bland and predictable. If you worked hard and did your 25 years you would get a gold watch. In Bye Bye Birdie, Paul Lynde reveled they were going to be on Ed Sullivan. Ozzie and Harriet as well as Mr. Ed were Nirvana. It was in a phrase, a fairy tale. Not bad but uneventful.

As more and more people went to college new ideas were introduced. Travel went from trains to jets around the world. Computers became ubiquitous and the genie came out of the bottle. And that was 30-40 years ago. We have morphed by leaps and bounds. Some good, some bad, but that is life.

Awhile back there were going to be too many people on the planet to be able to feed the world. In coming years there may not be enough people working to feed the world. We were going to run out of oil and of course the future was in plastics, Mrs. Robinson. Just recently we were teetering between, recessions, soft landings, and catastrophic bank failures. And we pay a lot of money to a lot of people to figure all this out.

The rate of change has ramped up, and with AI it is going to seem like warp speed. The way we communicate, the way we work, even the way we leisure will take on all new symbols and nuances. We are creating a Brave New World whether we like it or not.

The most essential part to ponder is demographics. We are becoming older on one end and not younger on the other. Birthrate seems like a callous number of 2.2 or 1.8. How do you have a .2 child? Plain and simple we need to start having babies to man our workforces that produce our food, build our homes and take care of us when we start to drool. They also need to provide wages to be taxed to support an ever increasing populace of old age.

All this comes at a time when a new generation is avoiding long term relationships, commitment and family creation. Couples are worrying about themselves and find rug rats to be a tedious exercise. They want careers, wealth and off time that exist in an urban environment. They are not even sure if they want each other. They can chat with bots or while the hours away with every type of amusement on line.

Hyperbole? I think not. This old fart is trying to understand a world that bears little resemblance to 70’s and even 80’s. It is easy to dismiss this as a fad or passing fancy but if we dig deeper we will find it is a different way of approaching life. We can call it the Me or I generation which is a cute moniker, but ain’t going to go away. You are grounded or go to your room disappeared a long time ago. This is real.

I say all this with a tad bit of alarm but also a new acceptance. We have failed these kids in so many ways. We abandoned them from lack of oversight. We were too busy with our careers. Discipline was replaced with being buddies to get the most out of any time spent. We became so entranced with the right thing whether it was dress, friends, or schools, we threw money at concerts, specialized summer camps or spring breaks in all parts of the world.

Our institutions from religion, government and even business have had less than ethical and upright people at the helm. I am not sure if it is a new reality or old flaws that have finally been exposed. The point I am trying to make is this is a world that is being recreated and we really have little control over it. How is any young person going to get a feel good about the two idiots we are proposing to lead this great country? This is all a continuation or remnants of a system we have let happen by OUR negligence and abdication of responsibility.

Does this mean we are going to die as a country or civilization? No, in the most emphatic way. From Pax Romana to the Age of Enlightenment to the Industrial Age and to the AI revolution, we have figured out a way to make it work. Sometimes it is well thought out and other times we have just muddled along.

The thing I fear most is our method and depth of interacting. We don’t have a sense of community or if we do it is so narrow and selfish that the good will created is for the few. We seem to feel we can exist in a bubble and the rest of the world be damned. That holds true for rich or poor.

I have looked in the mirror. I think I will have to work small. See if I can affect my own little world first. See if I can understand where different people are coming from. Then maybe we can find something in common and build on that.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
People drive economies. They produce things and then buy things and of course they need medical assistance, shelter and food. AI will not create that dynamic.

One major deterrent to having children is economic. It takes a lot to raise a child from care, clothing, education and time. The best outcome is raising a healthy and contributing member of society. There are no shortcuts.

New data from a consumer study released in June, 2023, found 34% of Americans expect to spend more time by themselves with 37% saying they don’t interact with anyone at least once a week.
The Sense of Community has four components: membership, influence, fulfillment of needs, and emotional connection.Think about your family, town, club or country and tell me how that is working for you.

The key to solving the aging population dilemma is immigration…but we won’t go there. Ha!

I made a laundry list the other day. After reading my myriad of periodicals I came to the conclusion that world really sets us up for a downer. Climate change, wars, terrorism, a new contagious disease and let’s throw in financial ruin to round out these happy feelings. Yikes! No wonder people are depressed. 

All this sent me in a search for a thing called hope. I found out there is a difference between hoping and wishing. With hope you try to see a different outcome. It is a state of mind and feeling of optimism. You put on your thinking cap and try to figure how the hell you are going to subdue a daunting problem. With wishing you are really majoring in fairy tales. Long shots and winning the lottery. Don’t bet the ranch on it! 

So, what can we hope for? Aha! Psychologically speaking you analyze where you are in the spectrum. Is this thing achievable? If you are smart you set realistic goals. You take stock of yourself and your environment. What do you have control over? What can you change? 

This type of soul searching sends people amiss in one of two ways. One aims so high that some sort of failure is a no brainer. At my stage in life am I going to shoot in the 70’s at golf again? Am I going to be a billionaire? Can I really solve all the problems of the world? Of course not to all of the above. Yet if I set realistic goals I can get a whole lot of satisfaction at getting something accomplished.

That leads to the contrary false reasoning. Gloomy Gus says there is no hope. He can never succeed at even the slightest challenges. That person never tries and of course the world and everything around him sucks. He or she will also tend to be a victim wherein the world is out to get them. 

People hit roadblocks in so many ways. They can relate to health, financial problems, relationships et al. The little engine that could is either on or off the tracks. First is the motivation to get around that obstacle and the second is clear thinking and even inventiveness to create a path. Both are distinct processes and mutually interdependent. 

I am constantly struck by the effect of illness on people. What is it that drives a cancer patient to go through radiation and chemotherapy for months or even years? It has to be hope that guides and energizes them. It has been proven many times a positive outlook strengthens and hastens one’s recovery. 

I had a patient  in hospice last week who was trying to figure out if he was going to try one last time to go off our care and seek active treatment for his illness. We talked for a long while. I tried to help him parse it out. There were distinct symptoms of depression and yet there was that tiny glimmer that he could not get out of his mind. I don’t know which way he went. 

This brings on a whole new set of circumstances. The medical profession is supposed to be optimistic and promising, but do they oversell their capacity to heal? Do people go through unnecessary and costly treatments with very little if any chance for a cure? Ethicists and moralists have been debating this for years. As our ability to transform medicine  becomes more advanced the answer to this question becomes harder and not easier. 

When one deals with mental health hope is as good a medicine as SSRI’s and various other drugs. The mind is a fickle master, One can go from abject despair and hopelessness to a road to recovery with psychotherapy. A patient can see a chance and that builds on itself. Cognitive therapy shows you the error of your ways in simple terms. The sad part is not enough people  seek out that help or want to make the commitment. Many times the availability of money or even trained staff gets in the way. It is not always easy. 

The tragic outcome of so many of these situations is the reliance on addictive drugs or alcohol. That hit from opiates or hootch solves the problem for a very short period of time. Then the morass becomes deeper. Sadly many just say they can’t go on and take their own lives. The epidemic of suicide today is an indictment of a society that is so rife with negative imaging and peer pressure. 

So what do we do? First off to solving a problem is admitting we have one. Many go blissfully down life’s highway without understanding the perils that lie ahead. I believe today we don’t train our kids to surmount difficulties. We try to make the way easier by avoiding its reality. Be truthful with ourselves without beating ourselves to death. 

Secondly is to train the populace to be realistic in goals. We are all not going to be rich, fabulous athletes, or scions of industry. It is ok to be just a little north of ordinary. We figure out alternative methods. We create detours rather than impassable roads. We get creative. In our scientific AI world we have to realize how clever we can be. Do our own thinking. Take responsibility. 

Bottom line is there is hope and solutions out there. We have to go out foraging rather than waiting for someone to rescue us. Rather than bitching about society, figure out how we can change it. We accept so much as gospel. We acquiesce. We get so caught in ourselves. Here’s hoping you and I and everyone get our asses in gear. We are so much better than this. 

As always 

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

35 million Americans suffer from mental illness. Only a third seek treatment and only a quarter of those see it through. It is estimated 90% of those illnesses can be cured. 

Everyone of us has the right to dream. I think we call it the pursuit of happiness. We are all entitled…. We are in far better way that 98% of the world no matter our circumstance. 

Research has shown that hopeful people tend to have better overall health and may even have a stronger immune system.

Hope is a gift we can all give. It creates a ripple effect. It is contagious. 

Writer’s Note: I wrote the following for a newsletter. I wanted to share it with you  TTG.

Life gets tough. Awhile back you were diagnosed with a disease that could prove fatal. Cancer, heart, stroke,COPD. You were frantic and a bit lost. I am either too young or just not ready to die no matter how old I am. What about my duty to my family? There is no way I can let them down. Spouse, kids, grandkids. Feelings of panic and a helplessness of sorts. You are not alone.

You have been resolute and relentless. You have taken every sort of blow from chemo to dialysis. You have travelled down every dark alley and chased every ray of hope. This experimental drug or that type of therapy. Your life has been docs and meds and waiting for results of tests and scans. You have lost weight, your hair and your dignity. In a very strange way this has been your quality of life. Is this any way to live? I am not sure.

We can’t begin to understand what goes on in the psyche of so many patients. The survival instinct is real but the reality of life keeps popping up in front of them. We can read books or get counseling but the inevitable is real. We all are gong to die. Few of us get to pick the terms and the timeline. It just happens. 

Death is a transition. Just as we came into this world, we will exit to wherever we believe. It is odd that we attach so much preparation to the beginning of life but don’t have a clue  how to deal with death. Probably with birth we have some control or idea of due dates. In death we are not quite sure. Maybe we could be.

 

I have been working as a patient volunteer in hospice for many years. Not too long ago I sat and thought about all the people I have met and interacted with. The number is in the thousands and that causes me great introspection and humility. I have taken note of how people handle things for good and for bad. 

Hospice has become my passion for a very simple reason. It is the one time in my life where I just give and expect nothing in return. Moreover I see the good that we as clinicians, counselors and volunteers can do. At Treasure Coast Hospice we are a team that is at the ready. We know what we are doing but we do so with the utmost empathy, care and love. For all of us it is a calling. We just wish people would do it sooner.

Hospice is not a building but a philosophy. The word itself goes back to the Middle Ages. It was an inn along the way for travelers and the sick. People helping others in their journey. Every death is so unique and so predictable at the same time. We see symptoms we can treat. We are cognizant of changes in the body and the mind. Yet each and every patient and his or her family are like no other. You are a guest in our house and we are there to serve you and love you. 

A vast number of our patients come to us in the last few days or hours. There is a different if not better way. When someone is told they have less than six months to live they are hospice eligible. A simple phone call to our admissions group can answer a lot of questions. Simple may not be an apt definition. We know how hard that is and we will not rush or make any demands. It is more of a get to know one another meeting.

We have an incredible array of resources at your disposal from medical to psychological to spiritual if you want. That is an important disclaimer. Your whole plan of care is developed by you and your family. Whatever we do is approved by you. There are no contracts. You are free to leave hospice at any time. 

As I have been with family and even friends I sense a feeling of relief when people decide to let us help them. I was with a friend for several days. His wife thanked me for just being there, handling things and most of all letting her know what was going on and what to expect. If people trust us we can do some wonderful things. Again, we are in awe of that faith in us. 

Typically someone who chooses hospice early on are patients at home, hospital or in nursing facilities. We come to you wherever you are. We assess and develop a plan. You could be visited by a nurse or Certified Nursing Assistant once or twice a week. Everything is scheduled beforehand. You will meet a social worker who is our jack of all trades from finding the proper equipment for the home, to finding a volunteer to give your caregiver a break to run and errand, go to the store or just have a little time to themselves. We have a chaplain if you want but we never push religion or philosophies in any way. It is just what we do. 

As time progresses our care becomes more frequent and purposeful. We want you to be as relaxed and pain free as possible. The idea that we drug people to death is obscene. We neither help nor retard nature. Our help line is a resource for knowledgable professionals who can assist you with any crisis care. To the end we are right by your side. 

In closing the phrase, “they just called hospice” sounds beyond ominous. We would like that to be a call of relief and not dread. Come and talk to us. We are there for you every step of the way

As always,

Ted The Great

Factoids:

Hospice care is covered by Medicare. We are a non profit here at Treasure Coast. Almost 75% of hospices in the US are owned by private equity. Pardon me if that galls me. I really don’t think people dying should yield the sizable return that private equity demands. That is just me.

Currently we have 625 patients in our care. We have over 400 employees and almost 250 volunteers. A pretty amazing bunch of people. We have 32 beds in two locations but the vast majority of our patients die at home or in a care facility. We have 12 patients in pediatric hospice at this time.

We have a “pinning ” ceremony where we honor veterans. It is a great honor for me and others to do. After reading a citation, we salute them as brothers and sisters in arms. We also have Treasured Pets where we assist patients in the care and feeding of their animals. After a patient passes we have a bereavement group that follows up. We had over 5,000 encounters with their families last year. They do an amazing job and our funding for that venture is from grants and donations.

Inhibitions are feelings of fear or embarrassment that make it difficult for you to behave naturally. Hmm! That definition is loaded with all sorts of crazy story lines. Feelings, fear, embarrassment, naturally! Oh baby, are we going to have some fun with this?

I have been an auctioneer at three charitable functions this season here in Flalaland. My sole reason for being was to extract as much money as possible from more than willing contributors. We all knew why I was here. Why would I worry?

To start you have to have feelings. You have to believe in the good people you are trying to raise money for. Hospice, Go Pink and Safe Space were pretty easy to get psyched up for. The challenge is to get your audience equally as turned on. If you have a great items to auction off you have it made. 

Trips, dinners, sunset cruises all conjure up visions of fun. I was doing one with a fellow auctioneer one time  and we took a simple Mason jar and proclaimed,  it contained “Colorado Air”. We sold it for $500. At a recent one I appeared with shorts with dollar bill designs. We auctioned those of for $600. I even took them off right on he spot. Thankfully for the audience I had another pair on underneath. Commando is not a word we even think of here at Harbour Ridge. 

Was I worried about embarrassment? Not really. What does concern me from time to time is that there will be no bidders. A lot of very generous people bail me out. I guess you have to be somewhat self effacing. I don’t take myself too seriously. I gave my sense of ego up a long time ago. 

I think a key point in the definition of inhibitions is not acting naturally. What does that really mean? Simply said, to me it is responding to occurrences and people in a forthright and truthful fashion. That is not in your face but speaking up rather than sitting in quiet tolerance. You say and think what you feel. If you say something you don’t believe in you know it right away. Over time does that sharp edge of honesty wear down?  Probably and that is sad.

We want everyone to fall in line with adherence to this maxim or that. How do those precepts evolve? First we take an ethos if you will. Let’s call it the way we think things should be. It covers dress, respectability, language, business dealings etc. in a certain setting like a town or an association. These become ingrained over time. It’s a good thing if all agree and bad thing if it stifles innovation and creativity. 

The real tricky part is who is the arbiter of what is appropriate or even better allowable? Should we just let everyone run wild? Should we refuse to accept anything out of the ordinary? Better yet what is considered normal? 

This is more than a fun mental exercise. Our world is changing and changing fast. I am constantly struck by my desire to be accepting of new ideas and at the same time treasuring things I think are worth keeping. This can range from dress code at the club where I live, to laws I think should be upheld or changed and political philosophies that I revere or detest. 

The true acid test is when you come to personalities. You can have a very dynamic and productive policy statement that is presented by a jerk. We are a world of personalities which can further or shoot down a very sensible idea. My wonderful wife often says,”Ted, you have great ideas but sometimes you should have someone a little more subtle put them forward”. Moi? The woman is a genius. 

This whole concept of stars, heroes/heroines, villains being spokespeople, actually makes us totally submissive to image.Their adulation by the masses makes one very reluctant to offer anything to the contrary. 

The state of our educational system is emblematic. Ideally a school environment encourages dialogue and debate with a collaboration somewhere either slightly left or right of center. People are scared shitless by espousing this or that view lest they be shouted down or even worse physically threatened or ostracized. Then we are shocked when an outcast explodes in rage or violence. It’s a crazy world we live in.

Getting back to my original premise is asking how honest you are with yourself and your world? Whoa! That is really heavy duty TTG. It should be. 

Our psyche should be formed by us alone with a little influence from societal norms. We spend a lot of time on self help books and all sorts of analyses. Each in its own way tries to find the real me or you. How did we get so lost in the first place? 

We were at a dinner party one evening in Vail. One of my mucky muck friends was nice enough to ask us along. As the seating was open I decided to go sit with the women of the titans of industry. I had heard enough of their husbands’ wealth and accomplishments. I decided to have some fun.

I told each of the three women that I was giving them $25 million tax free. They had nothing tying them down. No husband. No kids. No family. What would you do? It was like the leashes had been taken off. They spent the next hour or so just letting it rip. Reluctant at first, each one had a bunch of things they wanted to accomplish. Someone they really wanted to be. Very cool.

It is not just those women but all of us who might imagine what if? Let go of our inhibitions or fears.

Follow a dark alley that may not be so  financially rewarding but deep down be so relevant and satisfying. No inhibitions. What a beautiful thing! Come on in. The water is fine. 

As always

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

Marketdata estimates that the self-improvement market in the U.S. was worth $13.4 billion in 2022. The market bounced back about 24% in two years, fueled by growth in personal coaching services, self-help books and audiobooks, and self-help apps.

Good inhibitions. Not hitting someone who annoys you. Trying to hit the golf ball too hard. Not inhaling every piece of food at a buffet. Controlling one’s impulses.

Bad Inhibitions.  Why is it when we have a few drinks in us we are brilliant, suave, and without guard rails? 

Walter Mittys.  noun,plural an ordinary, timid person who is given to adventurous and self-aggrandizing daydreams or secret plans as a way of glamorizing a humdrum life.

It is reported that ninety-six percent of adults daydream every day, with daydreams making up about half of the average person’s thoughts. It is all very normal.  Make them come true. 

We fill our lives with every type of escape from the facts of life. We want to be transformed, transcended, lifted up and remade from our ordinary existence. We have become artful dodgers and adept dreamers. We take delight in fantasy and in the end probably feel worse than before. 

The Trumpster can’t even imagine that he lost the 2020 election. He was screwed by everyone but his cohorts. He derides anyone who does not buy his BS and as a result has the Republican Party is in a full nelson. He has created an alternate reality. 

The Dems come off as holier than thou. We are for the people. Our candidate doesn’t misstep and have trouble with his faculties. What is clear to the eye is just an illusion brought about by anti democratic right wing wackos. It is a sleight of hand like three card Monti. We are the suckers in the crowd. 

We sat agape at Super Bowl weekend which was the culmination of everyones’ hopes and dreams for stardom and bragging rights. How apt that this year’s orgy took place in Sin City. We ate, drank and blew our brains out to escape this miserable world of war, death, pestilence and broken dreams. Is this any way to live?

TTG, you are such a killjoy! What is the problem with having a little, good, clean fun? You are so right. Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. An incredible amount of people had the Super Bowl flu and did not show up for work last Monday. People who had no idea what a football looks like watched carefully for even a glimpse of Queen Taylor. And this my friends is the world we live in. 

We have people pouring over the border in droves and our governing bodies are saying there is not problem. We run up a deficit of absurd proportions and economists tell us it is a good thing. We have a bunch of thugs beat the crap out of a couple of cops and we let them go without bail. We have the wealthiest saying they pay too much in taxes. We have the poorest pleading for help but not willing to do anything positive about their plight. 

Am I casting aspersions? Not really. I am as guilty as the next guy. Am I going to give up my Johnnie Walker black? Not just yet. Do I try to do a thousand things at once with the absolute belief that I am young as ever? Of course. I claim it is in my DNA. So I am not exactly throwing stones. I really am trying to duck. 

I have been doing research for a presentation I did on Monday about Global Warming. This has been going on for several weeks. It is fascinating but also a bit disconcerting to try to dig out the facts. Everyone is chock a block with numbers to support their side. The truth or reality as it were is somewhere in the middle. 

For me there are two sides to this equation. First is to come to grips with my humanity if that is not too heavy duty. Like all of us I am flawed and maybe more than most. I also know exactly what those malfunctions are. It is not self flagellation but a bit of a chuckle as I tell myself, “Who the hell do you think you are kidding?” Blame anyone you want. The solution is looking at you right in the mirror. 

Secondly is this thing called life. For some of us we will never be happy. Not for want of wealth but because there is always some itch we can’t scratch. We constantly keep score so we define our worth in relation to what we have not who we are. I know that sounds trite but I have never felt in more in my life. 

I did a celebration of life for a wonderful friend. Someone probably said, “He is in a better place.” Really? If you look at things he has had a pretty good life. A wonderful marriage and family. Sure things were tough at the end but you can’t order your departure time. Why can’t we just accept life warts and all? Why do we always have to look forward or back? 

We are told our lives are boring. We have all this pent up need to go out and splurge. We owe it to ourselves. We have been cooped up by COVID. We want to move but we can’t find anyone willing to sell.

Okay then, I am going to go on a cruise on some Mega ship that will blow my mind with all it has to offer. And on that cruise I will probably drink my brains out or pop some pills because I want the experience to be more intense. Do we really think this way? Not sure.

Reality really doesn’t suck. It is our perception of it that does. Bad things happen. Good ones too. Acceptance unfortunately has been translated to mean giving up in our current vernacular. That does not mean we don’t hope but our dreams have to be realistic. Look around you and take note. Is it really that bad?

As always 

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

Fantasy Land:

25% of all pickups sold in the US were for bling and not work.

Someone in DC spent $1million in constructing their closet in their home! Not sure if it was a member of Congress?

The American Gaming Association, an industry trade group, states that gaming in the U.S. is a $240 billion industry, employing 1.7 million people in 40 states

Visitors spent $45 billion in Las Vegas last year. Good clean fun. 

No I am not joining the Women’s Christian Temperance Union….Just trying to be real! 

I don’t know about you but in our whacky times I often crave a thing called normal. Just one day, week or year that is not enveloped by some sort of chaos. I have been reading several essays on everything from inequality to insecurity to formative AI. I hate to tell all of you but if you don’t realize it, that is normal. Uncertainty is a part of life. 

We go about our lives without realizing  the beauty and serendipity of random. We want everything to be wrapped up in a bow and presented as happily ever after. We want to be in total control. It is just not achievable. Things jump up and grab you at the most inopportune moments. Good stuff and bad stuff. 

Today is our 53rd wedding anniversary. Last night over dinner we laughed as we noted, “And they thought we would never last”. I know most of you were betting on Kathy but I do have my moments. She had just come to Boston and was living with some girls I knew from Georgetown. Between ups and downs and a place called Viet Nam we still made it though. Look at what we would have missed?

Too many years ago the equation was simple. For me, you went to college somewhere between Boston and Washington DC, went in the service and then came out to a career on Wall Street, banking, insurance or law. You eventually had the kids, a dog, the standard three or four bedroom colonial and a station wagon. Not necessarily in that order. But the times, they were a changing.  

As air travel became more commonplace by sheer happenstance we went more places and met more people. Technology blossomed, medical feats became routine and a thing called crazy wealth crept into our vernacular. More money drives one to seek more unique experiences. To shine and brag and to look for the next big thing to flaunt. 

As an old fart we were going through photo albums when kids and grandkids came for Christmas. Flashbacks of when we were young gave PTSD a whole new meaning. Clothes, hairdos(yes I did have hair once) cigarettes you name it. Friends made and lost. Decors and finned cars that could only bring to mind,”What the hell was I thinking?”

These travels down memory lane cause one to conjure whether we have all been swept by the tide or if there was any sort of a rudder steering this ship of life. I keep coming back to a thought that if this world is screwed up or beautiful, then either way I helped cause it. Directly or indirectly we are complicit. We should receive the accolades and absorb the hits for our brilliance and idiocy at the same time.  

Is there any constancy? Maybe a credo or philosophy? What is in your gut? Your definition of good or bad. I think mine relates mostly to  relate to a lot of different people.  I am not a loner. I seek out and want to engage. I really try to explore the world around me. Not picture postcards but what do others believe. But that is just me. You might think 180 out of that. That is okay.

Polarization, isolationism, arrogance, and inequality that exist today, have somewhat of a common theme. It’s about me, not about you or us. As we become smarter and yes richer we feel we really don’t need anybody. You are there to facilitate me but if you choose not to there is another one to take your place in my little realm. Relationships? Only if I can benefit. 

 Today we are reporting if not touting a singular life style. People are not marrying or if they are, they are not going to have children. Dogs are so much more predictable. Are they trying to save the world or could they just not be bothered? Raising a family takes time and resources. It also takes love of another human being. 

Maybe I should be more conciliatory ? My generation has not exactly wowed the follow ons by advance planning. We have created some marvelous things but also loaded up our world with a lot of crap. That’s okay if we can reverse some of those pratfalls and pitfalls but some of our miscues have become next to impossible to erase. 

Atomic energy can provide huge amounts of power. It can also make a perfect recipe for annihilation. Petroleum has increased our scope and provided energy when there was none. That has created problems in everything from breathing to avoiding our being parboiled by the sun. Plastics rule our world and brought transportation and storage to a new level but nobody told us it would get into everything from landfills to oceans for generations to come. 

Our world is imperfect, exciting, exacerbating and generous all rolled into one. From the beginning I believe there was a balance on so many levels that we have in our exuberance but stupidity upset. This has happened over millennia. When there weren’t so many people involved the disruptions were minimal. Now there are zillions of philosophies, beliefs and theories on governing. Each one of us thinks we have the right answer. The really smart ones won’t devise AI or a cure for  cancer. They will figure out how we can stop killing each other. 

As always

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

There are an average of 55 earthquakes each day. That’s around 20,000 per year. America goes through a major flooding once every 3 days. There is an average of 100 lightning strikes that occur in the world every second. How do you plan against that?  Imperfectly!

Odds:

Getting hit by lightening 1 in 228,000,000

Kill in a plane crash  1 in 22,000,000

Dying in a tornado 1 in 13,000,000

Winning the lottery. 1 in 320,000,000

Getting your car stolen. 1 in 3,000,000

Dying in a shark attack. 1 in 7,000,000

Graduation from college in 6 years.  4 in 10

Person next to you nor being able to read this in the US 1 in 7

That’s right we are 14% illiterate here in the 50 states. 

Human teeth are the only part of the body that cannot heal themselves. Teeth are coated in enamel which is not a living tissue.

People are more creative in the shower. When we take a warm shower, we experience an increased dopamine flow that makes us more creative.

Nutmeg is a hallucinogen. The spice contains myristicin, a natural compound that has mind-altering effects if ingested in large doses.

There’s only one letter that doesn’t appear in any American state name. There’s a Z in Arizona and an X in Texas, but no Q in any of them.

You can hear a blue whale’s heartbeat from over 2 miles away. Blue whales weigh an average of between 130,000 and 150,000kg, with their hearts weighing roughly 180kg.

The world’s longest walking distance is 14,000 miles. You can walk from Magadan in Russia to Cape Town in South Africa. It requires no flying or sailing – just bridges and open roads.

Kim Kardashian has a ‘glam’ clause in her will. It states that if she’s ever in a position where she can’t get ready herself, can’t communicate, or she’s unconscious, someone has to make sure her hair, nails, and makeup are all perfect.

Kim Kardashian knows the alphabet in sign language. Apparently, she used it to cheat on tests with her friends at school.

A jiffy is an actual unit of time. It’s 1/100th of a second.

I just got nuts doing my factoids. Couldn’t stop. Please forgive me.  See you next time 

Adjective…..having or showing great knowledge or learning. What is going on in your crazy mind, TTG? Plain and simple I am trying to find my way on a number of topics. I am hard to please. I know there are some great minds out there but the acclamation of genius I find hard to bestow. Show me what you got!

I don’t know about you but I limit my experts in either print or social media. I was watching a panel deciphering the NCAA football playoffs. I was hard pressed to know which ones out of the 4 commentators were at least qualified, much less competent in their particular expertise? I had never seen or heard of them before. 

We are inundated with sports and news channels. Let’s go on the low side and say there are fifteen of each. Multiply that by regional, division, country, region, military, hockey, and whatever  experts in each venue. Is it me or are we dragging up a lot of people who are pleasant but not savants? The real difficulty is that in the midst of the throngs there might be somebody who really gets it but is either drowned out by larger voices or isn’t really good at expressing him or herself. 

In spite of this we formulate our opinions based on this or that one’s ability to win us over. Even beyond whether you are watching, FOX, CNN or MSNBC, the plot line doesn’t vary. Ditto our our print media. WSJ, NYT, NY Post, Washington Post.  You for the most part will get the flavor du jour. I guess that sells copy or ad space but can you honestly say you are getting the truth. 

I have written too many times about algorithms. If I look up anything from Trump to the Broncos to progressive to conservative, I am automatically steered to that side of the street even if I was just trying to get a different viewpoint. Personally that pisses me off on two extremes. If you know me, I really don’t like to be defined as this or that. More importantly knowing what I do I like is to be able to venture to the other side so to speak without fear of being discovered. Hmmm.  Maybe that sounds a tad paranoid. 

Here in Flatland we have a thing called Foreign Policy. A half a dozen of us pick a topic from a list. We research it and do a presentation to a hundred plus of our fellow members. The talk is about forty minutes and then we open up to questions. I love doing it because you have to do a fair amount of research. One to elaborate on your topic and the other is to not look like an idiot when Q and A starts. My topic this year is Global Warming. I might do my delivery with a helmet and flak gear on. 

I have been poring over articles, news clips and documentaries of a sort. Simple? Cut and dry? Fugeddabout it. It’s not only about solar and wind but alternative avenues to solve the problem. First I had to approach the whole thing from the point of view there is no problem. Good stuff. More importantly I have found every possible scenario from some supposedly very smart people. As a babe in the woods and budding scholar which one do I take as Gospel truth ? 

I am flummoxed and at the same time fascinated by our world today. If you followed some very well paid wonks you would have missed this crazy stock market of the last year. 90% of the cognoscenti said this puppy was going to be on life support at best. Inflation, recession, doom? Step right up. That is not calling the shots in politics but your and my nest egg or college fund. Cold hard cash. Sorry Charlie. We just miscalculated. 

Israel with Mossad et al is considered beyond scary when it comes to intel and penetration of the enemy’s lair. That did not work out too well on October 7. People said there was absolutely no way Ukraine could stand up to the Russians. They have gone  not only head to head with ground forces but even blown up parts to the Russian fleet with drone speed boats. Have any of you thought about every major nation’s dependence on big ship navies? 

Where does this lead Teddy and the rest of us? Plain and simple you have to do your homework. We cannot accept the pablum as presented. That is not to become unbelievers. This is to go back to my Jesuit way if you will excuse me. Question everything. Go deep. Look at different opinions before we frame our own. Does it take work? Sorry, but it does. Can we sit back and go on cruise control? Sure we can and leave a shit show for our kids and grandkids. 

I hate to be a drag on our la la view of our world. A lot of my contemporaries say it is up to those who will follow. We have worked hard and now it is our time to rest. I do not fault you in any way but I will take issue. Our good times have been financed by largesse and a horrendous debt. Not only money but responsibility. I think we checked out of the real world without realizing our extended life expectancy and good times are leaving a big wake. 

I am not erudite. I am an average schmuck who sees the world from my little place here in Flalaland. I am sure a lot of people a lot smarter than me could and probably should call me to task.We are all trying to figure this out. Please don’t just think of ourselves. We have a big blue marble with a lot of pieces. It belongs to all of us.   

As always 

Ted The Great

Factoids. 

Predictions for the ending S and P 500 average in 2023 ranged from 3,675 to 4,500. The closing was 4796. 

A new study by three MIT scholars has found that false news spreads more rapidly on the social network X  than real news does — and by a substantial margin.

I read content from the Wall Street Journal, New York Times,BBC, CNN, NPR and Axios. Some of my favorite journalists at David Brooks, Tom Friedman, George Friedman, and Peter Zeihan. Their content is stimulating. You don’t have to agree with any of them but man it makes you think.  

It is 5:00 AM here in Flalaland. Winter Solstice has assured me I will still have a couple of hours of darkness. After running through my various news sources I am just enjoying a little solitude. This morning I am thinking of Christmas which is a mere two sunrises away. 

We are having family of all sorts over the next several days. New Jersey and Colorado will visit and we will see how many people can fit in our smallish house. Blowup beds and vacant closets will serve as elegant suites. No one really cares. We are all here. 

I got to wondering about where we are in this celebration. It turns out the whole thing started in the third century AD.

There was this pagan festival, called Saturnalia  that celebrated the longest night and the hope that as days got longer there would be more light and prosperity. 

The marketing department of the early Catholic Church decided this would be the best way to increase worshippers by tagging along and providing a new spin. Jesus was the new and improved “Light of the World!” Over the years various regions added their own wrinkles. Most of the time it happened by accident. Someone said “Hey that works for me” and a new tradition was born. 

Hey, let’s be honest. We always look for a way to make money. Trees, cards, even Christmas carols can yield untold riches for those who suck us in with a bit of merriment but also a healthy dose of greed and guilt. Always a sure fire combination to get you to open your wallet. Hurry,hurry. You can get a Nativity set straight from Bethlehem. Or you can just go to Target. No one will know. 

I don’t know about you but I love Christmas carols. In years past neighbors got together and fortified with a little Schnappes ventured out to spread cheer for their neighbors. I remember those days as I listen to Beyonce belting out, O Little Town of Bethlehem in some super slinky outfit. I hope she brought a blanket. 

Stockings by the chimney come to us from Scandinavia. Before global warming, the way home from school was via a deep snowy lane.This was before snowblowers. Your socks got wet and you hung them in front of the fireplace to dry. On Christmas Day they were filled with candy or mouthwash or whatever. You put your name on it because your brother’s feet stunk. Now you can get personalized booties from Neiman Marcus for just short of a thousand smackers. 

You probably already knew that the idea of Santa Claus came from St. Nicholas. The saint wasn’t really a bearded man who wore a red suit; that look came much later. In the fourth century, the Christian bishop gave away his large inheritance to the poor and rescued women from servitude. In Dutch, his name is Sinter Klaas, which later morphed into Santa Claus. 

Actually Santa was little creepy looking until in 1931 when Coca Cola came up with the  image we see today. Not because they were beneficent but because you would down more bottles of Coke. The new look was cosponsored by dentists and Weight Watchers. It’s the real thing!

Christmas trees came to the fore because our European friends thought it was too friggin cold already in December. The smell of fir and the sight of green was sure to warm one’s heart. Of course that has now morphed for our convenience into artificial trees, brought to you almost exclusively from those nice folks in China. 

Some 25 million Christmas trees are bought every year. Not to worry there are 350 million growing to replace them and of course to give a farming tax write off to our more wealthy brethren. 15,000 of our beloved Americanos go to the emergency room each year because of tree trimming. Lacerations, falls and back strain are the culprit. Brain damage can also be contagious in certain areas. 

One last thought on trees. It was the depression and workers were constructing Rockefeller Center. They cut a small tree (a la Charlie Brown) down in Times Square and put it on a stand at the work site. They sat around a fire and probably got loaded on Christmas Eve. In our true spirit of capitalism we now have this giant lighting ceremony, TV specials and chestnuts roasting for about $10 a bag. What a country! 

By now you have tired of my drivel. I am not faulting change but marvel at it. We are clever, imaginative and adapting. The danger is not how smart we are but how we use those brain cells. I see Patriot missiles, supersonic bombers and every wizardry of war and wonder what if we spent all that money on curing cancer or hunger. We spent $1 billion on Brittany Speers last year and we have hundreds of thousands of homeless. We concocted Oxycontin to relieve pain and caused so much more of it in our society.  What are we thinking?

Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ. We are not in competition with Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever. We all have our way of praising our own superior being. I will stop by hospice on Christmas morning. I won’t do my full shift but selfishly remind myself of what I have and my own mortality. We are born and we will die. In my clumsy way I will thank my God for all I have and that includes all of you. 

As always, 

Ted The Great

Factoids:

Bing Crosby’s classic song “White Christmas” is not only the best-selling Christmas song, but the best-selling single of all time.

The Rockefeller Center tree is always a Norway spruce, usually from 65-100 feet high. There are more than 50,000 LED lights strung before lighting. When the tree is taken down it goes to a saw mill and the lumber goes to Habitat for Humanity. Pretty Cool. 

Wreaths were made from leftover branches after trimming the tree.The religious significance is that the circular shape and evergreen material of the wreath represent eternal life. The circle, which has no beginning or end, “symbolizes the eternity of God, the immortality of the soul and the everlasting life we find in Christ.” Bet you didn’t know that. 

“Silent Night” is actually the most-recorded Christmas song in history. It’s had more than 733 different versions copyrighted since 1978. In World War I soldiers from both sides of the trenches sang Christmas carols together declaring a truce for one day. 

Amazon delivers 1.5 billion packages during the Christmas season. 800 million for USPS. A total of 3.4 billion for all transporters. 1.7 million packages are lost or stolen. We spend $1000 per person buying gifts. 50% of people in the United States go to church for Christmas.