Tag Archives: love

I Hate You….

I have spent the last few days researching a topic that has intrigued me and alas at times consumed me. Ironically, my title is supposed to be attractive and catch your interest. We love anger and retribution. If I had said, I lLove You, that would probable merit a meh and you would move on. I hope you stay. 

Defined,hate is “a profoundly intense and enduring dislike for someone or something. It is not anger, resentment, or disgust. Those are emotions in a way. It is deep seated and hard to get rid of. It is in your gut from an experience or maybe a familial or cultural upbringing. Those SOB’s have been that way since who knows when. It attacks the core nature of another person, a group of people  or an institution. 

It comes from fear, hurt or insecurity that leads to hopelessness. Our political climate is a good example. We have the ins and the outs. The outs feel helpless and fear for their future. The ins want to put it to us. We have this feeling of disgust which over time becomes deep seated. To even contemplate discovery and compromise is totally out of the question. I would have to admit that perchance some of my ideas don’t make sense. Ha! Even worse I would have to look at you as a human being and not an abstract object. 

A lot is due to pure ignorance. We have been fed a line of reasoning and leave it at that. There was an instance where someone was homophobic. He or she decided to spend a month with a bunch of gays. At the end of the thirty days there was a new appreciation for what it is like to be homosexual. Wow, there were some pretty nice people. We actually had areas of common interest. It probably took a lot of guts and openness on both sides. The more you know the tougher it is to hate.

I know this sounds like a cop out but I have to mention social media from two points of view. We are bombarded with story lines all day long. As I previously stated this is all predetermined by algorithms. You think a certain way and you will get articles that reinforce your thoughts good or bad. They make money by riling you up not calming you down. Your feeling of camaraderie gets more intense. See, there are a lot of people out there that think the way I do. And the beat goes on. 

Secondly, the internet is anonymous. I can say anything I want and never be called to task. I feel so lonely and frustrated, I want to lash out. Inequities quadruple. It’s not my fault. They are against me. Better yet I have kindred spirits who will back me up. They have been screwed too. I am not alone. I think I will put out a manifesto. Tell them what I really think. And then the unthinkable. I am going to buy a gun and a boatload of ammo. I will show them who is boss. I will be famous. It is not as far out as it sounds and that is very scary.

As infants we do not know hate. We know love and even anger or frustration, but not hate. Our families have a huge impact. Biases and prejudices are passed down. Blacks,Jews,Arabs,Commies. They are all alike. There is not a decent one among them. Besides they are a threat to me. With Hispanics and Blacks we will no longer be a majority. There will be more women than men. Don’t they know the woman needs to have her place in the world and stay there. 

What really becomes sad is if you want to think a different way. Family and social pressures are  potent forces. Say you want to go to a different church or even church at all. The silence and the looks are intimidating. We don’t think that way and neither can you. Say you want to invite a Republican or Democrat to dinner. Even worse, marry one. Come on, you know it is true. We want to be gracious but that often is replaced by being gratuitous. Man, this is going to take a lot of work. 

Where do we start? For me it starts right here. I am not holier than thou. My Irish heritage has ruled me with a quick bolt to anger and prejudices have abounded. So I have to admit I am prone to getting pissed off and yes I hate certain people and ways of doing things. I can give you a zillion reasons why I am right and you are wrong. Yet the kinder, gentler TTG really does want to come out. 

I wear a bracelet that was given to me by one of Kathy’s buddies. Last January she asked me for my word of the year. It was EMPATHY and that’s where it lies on my wrist. I had just lost a good friend. I thought about my work in hospice and how I try to reach out to everyone. White,black,female or male with all sorts of ethnicities. Then as I thought further I realized what a fraud I am. For my four hours a week I was a nice guy but man could I be a jerk at other times. 

Hate is a learned experience. It is possible to unlearn it. Try to see where the other person is coming from. Try to figure out what is triggering their hate for you. Watch FOX to MSNBC and just listen. See if there is anything you can latch onto and grasp. I am trying but man do I have a long way to go.

As always 

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

Hatred negatively impacts the nervous system, immune system, and endocrine system. Extreme emotions trigger the release of stress hormones in the brain. Over time, these stress hormones lead to increased inflammation throughout the body, resulting in significant health consequences. 

It is easy to hate today. Israelis-Palestinians. Illegals-citizens. right-Left. America vs Europe in the Ryder Cup. Haves-have nots. Brian Kelly at LSU. Old thinking vs new thinking. Oops! Some of the are mine. 

Through the miracle of neuroplasticity we can change the way we think. It is almost like working out and it takes a lot of work and discipline. Or you can be a couch potato and just say,Screw It!

Rhetoric is a strong tool. It can incite and it can calm. We value celebrities. I wish they would speak out more. 

Talk To Me….

Well kids,I have come to the conclusion that the whole world is nuts. Many of you have already gotten there but I always hold out hope. A couple of great friends, who used to be Army brass, have told me many times that hope is not a strategy. Tragic flaw on my part. 

I keep looking for a middle ground on anything. Israel seems to be starving Gazans but Hamas and friends brought this on themselves. They are living in underground tunnels and so you have to bomb the crap out of them but everything is already back to the stone age. Where is the solution?

Ukraine blows my mind. We supply them with arms but only so much. We don’t want to get Putin mad. Putin is certifiably stark raving mad already! His Hairness says he and Vladimir are on good speaking terms. I would love to know what language they are speaking.

And young people on both sides are being wasted in a war of attrition. Haven’t we made any progress since the Huns and the Tatars?

The stock market has always been risky, but it is now the world’s’ largest casino. You can bet long,short, buy, sell and the wizards of Wall Street come up with a different wrinkle every day to figure out how to make money out of you and me. Meme stocks are the rage and the only thing good about them is that they confound the big shorts. Crypto,Sports gambling? What is the harm? Samo,samo.

I read an interview this morning with Yuval Harari, a very heavy duty thinker about AI. I have gotten through a good portion of his book, Nexus,and I am still as lost as ever. We have Generative AI which digests enormous amounts of data and spits out some translation or analysis. Like reading mammograms or analyzing an impending pandemic. Now we have Agent AI. This little beauty can create its own thought process, edit and correct itself and make decisions without any human interaction. It is said it can read your emails, respond to them and then give you a list of ones you should review. Not trying to be an old fart but isn’t this bordering on mega(not MAGA) dangerous? Maybe that too. 

It seems to me a whole lot of things are about to go TILT. We mess with tariffs, DOGE and going back over Russiagate, impeachments, stolen elections and Hunter Biden. Yet the looming imperatives of immigraton, Social Security, Medicare and unfunded pensions go wanting for lack of interest. Congress is taking six weeks off. The Trumpster is playing golf in Scotland and NYC is going to elect a socialist or pervert, depending on the results. Is it just me? 

Kabul is out of water. Nada, zilch! Who cares about Afghanistan? I really don’t, but is this the canary in the coal mine? Wildfires everywhere from the vast wilderness of Canada to the Western slope of Colorado to the Greel isles. Coincidence? Our oceans are now chock a block with microplastics, which are ingested by fish, that  healthy people are supposed to eat to live longer. Makes perfect sense. 

Now, if you are the average earthling, you probably have three responses. First is, I really don’t give a shit. Your little corner of the world has no effect on mine. Secondly, I have my own worries to think about. Food, rent, entertainment and travel are in my wheelhouse, so get out. Lastly, these problems are so complex that I can’t possibly have any effect on them. I am going to go with one side or the other and just roll the dice. 

Why don’t people speak up? I have thought about this quite a bit. With what I do, I spend a lot of time talking to people. Some special friends say I can talk to a tree. Thank you so very little. But it is true, I love to engage people. I revel in a good deep conversation. Someone’s wife told me once that her husband never talks to anyone…but me.  How does that happen? 

I could take you through the difference between monologues and dialogues, but I think you get it. I ask questions. Look for common ground or hot buttons. I want to be interested in what they have to say. Of utmost importance is that they know, It Ain’t going anywhere! 

People don’t like to look bad. They don’t like to buck the party line. There is a big air of vulnerability that happens in good conversation. Are my ideas stupid? What will the other person think of me? It is so sad, what you really want to say, never comes out. We put people down. Bury them with criticism. Bully them and bowl them over. That is the surest way to success. 

I have a couple of good friends I can go down and dirty with. We have talked at times for hours and I treasure it. I have patients and families in hospice that are beyond kind and trusting to let me into their world and their hearts. No matter what they say or feel is incredibly valid.They are more than worthy. They are so important. 

Bottom line is that we really run the risk of losing that. We have sacrificed our point of view to pundits and politicians.Bottom line is that we really run the risk of losing that. We have sacrificed our point of view to pundits and politicians. I don’t think we remain silent because of shyness or embarrassment. We all have very valid viewpoints and philosophies. We just have no one who will truly listen. We are all too busy or just not interested. You know when you are at a cocktail party and meet someone who, while talking to you, is scanning the room for someone more important to talk to. Hey, good to see you. Let’s get together soon. They never do. 

I am going to go out and look for a tree to talk to. Maybe I will just send you a note because it has been so long. I have no special talent. We all can do it. Maybe I will just get out of myself. Who knows? It might work.

As always 

Ted The Great 

Factoids:

A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, damaged relationships, and increased stress, particularly in personal and professional settings. Emotional distance with family and friends. Damaged morale and missed opportunities at work. 

The line “What we have here is failure to communicate” is a famous quote from the 1967 film Cool Hand Luke.

“Talk To Me” is a creepy horror movie about kids with an embalmed hand. which I have not seen. Maybe Ted’s Head is a horror flick in its own right. 

We think faster than someone else can speak. On average words are spoken at the rate of about 125 words per minute. However, our mental capacity to comprehend what was spoken is much higher; around 400 words per minute. As we are using only 25% of our mental capacity, this leaves ample room for our minds to wander. It takes work and practice. 

People have many sides to themselves. A person can be a Teddy Bear at one time and an Orca the other. Not a Jekyll and Hyde but just something that makes life interesting .