I am giving blood platelets this afternoon. It’s nothing special but it’s nice to be loved. Actually I’m a universal donor and the nurses truly seem happy to see me. The process is simple. They take blood out of you, strip out the good stuff and then return whatever is left to your veins and it courses throughout your decrepit body. I wonder if they know all the bad things I have done to that corpus over the years?

I first started doing it as a matter of routine until I found out it was an urgent need for cancer victims. I know a lot of people with and some who have died from the big “C” so it gave me added incentive. As you lie there for an hour and half to two hours you can’t help but think. And then, Shazam! I’ve got it! I am going to send these little suckers to Uncle Sam.

All along I have thought the government has been slowly sucking me dry. I got it wrong. There are cancers everywhere in DC that need to be healed. The Executive Branch. The Legislative Branch. Of course the Judicial Branch. Committees. Under, under, under Secretaries. The Military. Now I know why we have the NIH. Just you wait friends. The cure, not the end is near.

Let’s start with 1600 Pennsylvania. Now this is probably overstating the obvious but I think the prognosis is advanced brain cancer with a touch of Alzheimers on the side. Nobody in their right mind could screw things up this badly. About five years ago these guys and girls came in with a new approach. They were going to be transparent. They were going to be for us. They were in great physical shape. Say Amen and join the choir. Change you can believe in. Right.

The honeymoon didn’t last long. There was aberrant behavior almost from the get go. One of the first hires was Rahm Emanuel. Yeek! It seemed to be affecting every one of them. Was it a virus? AIDS? Drug addiction? Nope. A fatal tumor in the cerebellum blocking any rational thought. Stage four. No chemo. No radiation. Radical surgery was the only answer. We used to call them lobotomies but we are much more touchy feely now. It is also the perfect out. Benghazi? Can’t remember. Did I tell you that you could keep your insurance? Couldn’t have said that. NSA? Who are they. One down and several to go.

Legislate this. As we race down Constitution Ave. in our NIH meat wagon we have another epidemic. Congress is wandering around like Jews in the desert. They have no idea where they are going and Moses is on sabbatical. Factions of all sorts are cropping up and everyone thinks they are the Messiah. They are all grabbing their posteriors and babbling. Is this the gift of tongues or the sign of something worse?

Maybe it’s the food? It might be in the water? Sorry gang but they all have colorectal cancer. What to do with such a disaster? Spend money. What else?. We can find a cure they say. Who needs a plan? Just start the project and we will come up with details as we go along. Terminal? Maybe, but we can drag this thing out for years without facing the Reaper. Uh Oh. The docs have the same damn Bama solution. The KNIFE.

For once Chuck Schumer didn’t want to grab the microphone and go first. He said he was tied up. Sorry Charlie, you are it. Drop your drawers. Where is Anthony Wiener when we need him? They wheeled him in to the Congressional operating room. There was gold and marble everywhere. Plenty of food and lobbyists showering money. When they cut him open they only found two moving parts…his mouth and his rectum. And miraculously they were both mutually interchangeable. Praise Jesus, we have another cure. It turns out they are all built that way. We have an ample supply of both inside the Beltway. The country is safe.

Last stop is the Supreme Court. It is the final resort for a lot of people. You get the feeling the jig is already up. They are all dressed in black. Ginsberg looks comatose. Thomas hasn’t said a word in years. What medic in his right mind wants to examine Scalia or Sotomayor? Let’s just leave them all alone. The Founding Fathers wrote it all down. All they have to do is opine for hours on end and everyone else will die from waiting. Roe v Wade said abortion was okay. Need I say more.

Now I know you are all on the edge of your seats. Some of you might even be praying but you don’t have to tell us what outcome you are pulling for. The docs say they need a lot of rest. Duh? Congress is only planning on working 140 days this year. Barry’s gang it would seem has been on vacation since they passed Affordable Healthcare. Maybe they can take three years for medical leave. Death may be imminent for any one of the justices.

Let’s let sleeping dogs lie. Let’s just go about our business on a state and local level. We survived, hurricanes, floods and forest fires. I hate to say it but ignoring them is the best possible strategy. I would love to throw the bums out but too many of you are too interested in what forty years in Congress can bring your state or district. I get it but let’s just hope we have cut to the margins and this ugly mass won’t metastasize.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Under the ACA the Obama administration told Congress that it would allow the federal government to continue paying a large share of the cost of health insurance for members of Congress and their aides, averting a problem for many who work on Capitol Hill. However, under the arrangement, lawmakers and many of their aides will have to get coverage through new health insurance marketplaces, or exchanges, being set up in every state. The government stipend calls for $5-11,000 subsidy.

In addition to the Bethesda Naval Hospital, in town hospitals Like GW and Georgetown University have been equipped with the latest and greatest in diagnostic and treatment facilities. Purely coincidence.

After serving as an advisor to Bill Clinton, in 1998 Rahm Emanuel resigned from his position in the Clinton administration and joined the investment banking firm Wasserstein Perella, where he worked until 2002.Although he did not have an MBA degree or prior banking experience, he became a managing director at the firm’s Chicago office in 1999, and according to Congressional disclosures, made $16.2 million in his two-and-a-half-years as a banker.
Emanuel was named to the Board of Directors of Freddie Mac by President Clinton in 2000. He earned at least $320,000 during his time there, including later stock sales.During Emmanuel’s time on the board, Freddie Mac was plagued with scandals involving campaign contributions and accounting irregularities. The Obama Administration rejected a request under the Freedom of Information Act to review Freddie Mac board minutes and correspondence during Emanuel’s time as a director.

Now this is a great example of a cancer not in remission but raging. Don’t worry folks there are stories on both sides of the fence. Remember Scooter Libby? Tom DeLay? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

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