Some days you are the windshield. Some days you are the bug. Right now I am in command. I am performing a very scientific study of life of mosquitoes as we traverse these United States. The grill of this little bottle rocket hurtling along at between 80-90 miles per hour has become the final resting place of some of Florida’s finest. I have discovered that these bad boys don’t get up until at least 10:30 AM. We started out early this morning and the windshield was clean of red and green splatter on our first stop. By the way do you know the last thing going through the brain of one of these critters when they kiss the glass at top speed? Their ASSHOLE of course. Mea Culpa, I couldn’t resist But I digress.

Now Kathy once again is being nominated for the Congressional Medal of Honor having been cooped up with yours truly for twenty some odd hours. I saw her looking up Subaru accessories. What are you checking for sweetie? “Cargo nets”, her reply. What for? “You,” she snapped. Actually I have said very little…deep in thought. We listen to CNN on occasion but most newscasts are the same, talking about the Malaysian Airlines debacle or now the Korean Ferry sinking. Not sure how many times you can go over this stuff and who would advertise?

I have been following the drama in Crimea, especially the annexation. Looking at the US, I wonder who would be the first to go and just as fascinating who would take them. If we use Putin’s rationale of language or culture alone then the most obvious choice is Southern, California, Arizona, New Mexico and parts of Texas being sucked up by Mexico. Can you imaging Sheriff Joe Arpaio becoming a Federale`? Priceless! Now there is also a case to made for New Yorkers or Bostonians speaking a different dialect. The South? I went into a gas station north of Jacksonville and I swore I was in a different country. I still can’t figure out what rural farmer in Tennessee has in common with a fat cat in Laguna Beach? What a country.

On Easter Sunday they played up the Pope’s activities. Washing feet. Telling people to be kind to the poor. All men and I think he meant women are created equal. Making a case against materialism. What the hell is wrong with this guy? Doesn’t he understand capitalism and the global economy? We are in a new paradigm. Every human being for themselves. It’s the wave of the future and oh by the way we are getting so smart in economics and science we don’t need God. sort of. For the moment we might need him in times of danger or tragedy but don’t worry we are working on that too.

Speaking of religion, the people in the South (Bible Belt) are very religious and are not afraid of showing it. An old couple in an “82 Buick had an actual wooden cross in their rear window of their Le Sabre. . Many towns of small populations have an inordinate number of church steeples. Several farms have signs supporting adoption over abortion. Maybe their nurturing of life in both animals and crops gives them a little different perspective.

There is just one wrinkle. As you travel the byways of Dixie there are huge billboards noting the location several kilometers ahead of porn shops or strip joints. I kid you not. Fantasy Island, Passions and The Lion’s Den Adult Center are open 24/7 and couples are welcome. Kathy’s sense of humor would not even let us go through the drive thru.

All kidding aside I am in a bit of a dilemma. Playing golf and lying on the beach only gets you so far. I celebrated my 69th a couple of weeks ago and I still have some gas in the tank. I have this crazy notion that I want to do more with my life. Actually I want to do more for the world you and I live in. I am not sure how that should shake out. I think it will require some soul searching but more important information gathering.

I read about a fellow named Robert Woodson and he really intrigues me. He is a black conservative. Yes, they do exist. He thinks we have this thing on poverty all wrong. We keep throwing money at it on a national and state level. By the time it seeps down into the needy the various echelons have taken their cut leaving a lot less than half a loaf. He goes on to expound that we treat symptoms and not the problem itself. Only 30% of the impoverished have a solid home. He wants to find out how that minority does it and then tailor programs to success rather than going on blindly with band aids. Very Cool.
I suppose I am naive but I am going to spend time trying to understand this in good old Denver,CO. There has to be a Woodson type guy and I hope to find him. Maybe there is one near you. This may be dead end or a whole new avenue for me? Nothing ventured. As The pavement flies by this is where Ted’s Head is going. Thanks for tagging along and bearing with me. I promise I will report back…..and yes clean up my act.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
I was passed on more than one occasion while cruising at 84 in a 75 mile zone by state troopers of varying states and jurisdictions. He or she didn’t stop me. In Missouri this year there have been 184 traffic deaths to date. 64% of the victims were not wearing seat belts.

People who bitch about things rarely have their own solutions. For instance what would YOU do in Ukraine, about Immigration or Entitlements? I mean really what is your answer.

There are an incredible number of Naval stations in Florida, Air Force Bases in Georgia and Tennessee and Army bases in Kansas. Wish I could tell you why.

The majority of cars in the left lane doing under the speed limit are Buicks driven by octaganerians or vans and more specifically Dodge Caravans or Chrysler Town and Countries driven by mothers with large families. In third place are people on cell phones who truly are a menace.