If we were in Latin 101 we would conjugate the verb amo,amas, amat. I love, you love, he or she loves. Fair enough. Love is a word that is bantered around for a variety of circumstances. I love my wife Kathy but I also love to play golf. Please don’t make me choose. I love ice cream but I also love being in shape. It can denote passion or just a warm feeling towards a person or inanimate object like the water or Denver.
From songs to poetry to plays and movies it is present everywhere in our society. Of course there is the antonym in hatred which is also pretty evident today. For the moment let’s get back to the good stuff. Contrary to the Puritans it is perfectly alright to have fun. It does one good to have feelings of pleasure. Lust is fine but it is somewhat fleeting. It takes more than that to keep a relationship going. There is that dirty word of commitment and lastly intimacy. Wow, we are talking serious stuff !
I think it is the most wonderful and yet petrifying emotion in the world. There is an attraction of some sort and then we slowly but surely expose ourselves. Not that way, you slugs. Little by little you open up and are of course vulnerable. It goes beyond physical in that you find some really neat qualities in the other person. A conversation goes deeper as you blurt out some things that not many if anybody knows about you. You trust and you hope they are trusting as well.
Here’s the tough part. Inherent in this journey are the secrets of your inside and in many cases, warts. Do I draw back or throw caution to the wind? If they find this or that out then there is no chance this relationship or friendship is going forward. But then again I could live a lie until I get caught further down the road. Decisions, decisions.
You not only love but you have to be open to love. Idiosyncracies and more appropriately annoying behavior have to be not only tolerated but embraced. Too many rely on their ability or desire to change the other person. Fuggedaboutit! What you see is what you get and that is the beauty of it. You give as well as you take. You are not only accepting but welcoming.
Don’t for a minute think I have this down. Kathy is a saint and I know it. But as we progress down life’s highway we are in many ways more outspoken and honest with one another and that’s okay because we get it. We are embarking on this whole new journey but make no bones about it, this is a joint decision. WE think it is good for US.
I have been beyond fortunate to have a fairly good number of close friends. Not just acquaintances but true amigos. Men as well as women. Sure I like to talk about this or that but more importantly I want to find out where they are coming from. What’s inside their gut? Are they on a good or less than memorable path in their lives. Just by listening is there some way I can help them out. I don’t have all the answers but at least they know they have kindred spirt.
Coincidental with that is sticking your neck out and getting burned. I am sure I have done so and it has been done to me. That ain’t no fun. As a matter of fact it is downright the worst feeling you can have. Some have done it intentionally and some without knowing. Either way it hurts. And then that dirty little emotion called hate creeps in.
Hate, revenge, loathing, resentment and detestation are some pretty ugly words all on their own. Your bile gets going and there is no uglier dude than TTG scorned. It sticks with you and does not want to let go. Love and hate are visceral. Look at today. You either can’t stand or cheer for the Donald. Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Shumer, Mitch McConnell?
You either sing Hosanna or throw pipe bombs. Polarization is simply the result of all this and no number of Kumbaya recitations are going to calm the waters.
My solution? Work with what I can. Our technologically amped world does not afford face to face meetings and the language itself lacks any emotion. Short, quick hits and then move on. Maybe a metaphor for one nighters that have us at a low for committed relationships. I simply try to make each meeting or conversation as meaningful as possible. I love to smile and cause them in return. I treasure moments and hopefully my actions prove that. I reach out and some might consider that ostentatious. So be it. I take risks knowing that it can go one way or the other. That’s life but think how many fun encounters I would have missed if I stayed back?
I say “I love you” a lot. I say it to my wife every day and amongst my kids and grandkids it is part of my Padge repertoire. I say it to friends, both men and women. Sometimes they look a little shocked. It is just a symbol that you have entered my space and I think you are special. It’s funny because I never grew up that way. We were a loving family but hugs and “I love you” did not abound. I like it better my way.
All I can say is being a lover of people and to be open to love is a very cool thing in my book. Some will laugh and that is okay. Some will harrumph, fold their arms and turn away. They don’t know what they are missing. Most of all in parting I will say, “I love you” to all of you because you read my musings and in some way I hope they stir something in you.
Ted The Great
This is the You Tube for Van Morrison’s “Have I told you lately that I love you?” A marvelous song . Take four minutes out of your crazy life and just listen and think about someone special. It is rumored Van thinks that someone is God https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J789GId1kaY
When a person falls in love, the ventral tegmental area in the brain floods the caudate nucleus with dopamine. The caudate then signals for more dopamine; the more dopamine, the higher a person feels. The same system becomes activated when someone takes cocaine. Now that is a nice hit.
Scientists suggest that most people will fall in love approximately seven times before marriage
A meta-analysis of the best long-term studies of loving relationships highlight some behavior patterns that couples with lasting love share: Partners think of each other positively when they are not together; they support each other’s personal growth and development; and they undertake shared experiences in which they can learn and expand themselves.