I am not up to superstar status with the TV remote but I am not bad either. I can tell when my flipping has reached astronomical proportions when Kathy’s sighs are not those of romance but of impending destruction of my brain. Listen we have 137 channels of TV to be watched. I just can’t let them sit idly by. I don’t have Dish TV so I have to screen out the ads by a flick of the fast forward button. 

There are times when you can’t avoid the barrage of subliminal messages. I don’t like watching football on tape and ditto for the news. While working out it is tough to zip from one channel to the other so I am stuck being sold to. And of course I now have to wait for the ads on my computer while bringing up Yahoo Mail or checking my account balances. Kathy does question the popups for “Meeting Singles in Your Area” or “Beautiful Women Over 50 are Dying To Meet You.” Dying might be the operative word. Anyway, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

But how did they find me? Aha, a little thing called demographics. By responding to ads of any sort you are now caught in a web that is far more sophisticated than the NSA. It’s that little slice of society you belong to that is defined by your age, sexual preference, income, locale, party leanings etc. Several years ago at Vail I was delighted I didn’t have to carry cash or a credit card because it was imbedded in my ski pass. Then this mental giant discovered that they could trail me all over the mountain and Vail Village. You can’t erase it. You are a marked man or woman. 

Now this isn’t just hoidy toidy ski resorts. It’s your gas station, food store, church. You name it. If you look online or pay by card you are in the loop. But why go to all that trouble? Well it seems we spend over $500 billion on advertising every year. Right now about $100 billion of that is spent on line and growing. The more direct it can be the more successful it is or at least the theory goes. Ask an ad man how much you should spend on advertising and you get the Buffalo Shuffle. 

Enough about theory, what strikes me about advertising is manyfold. Getting back to that demographic thing it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out football selling. Booze,Brats and Broads. Oh yeah and big ass pick up trucks. Testosterone is in the air and on the TV. But then as I watch Fox News the products of the day are scooters for the disabled, gold bullion, and of course my favorite, portable catheters. The latter is a sleek new design and they will send you a free sample. Ugh! Rounding out the lineup are reverse mortgages and disability lawyers. Hmm I wonder what that means about Fox watchers? CNN is bad but not quite as.

Speaking of lawyers you gotta love the unabashed commercialism of auto accidents and supermarket falls. During the local evening news there is not one but several slime balls coming on the screen with heartfelt sympathy for your pain. “Frank Azar will get you the money you deserve”. “Frank got me $2.5 million.” This of course by an industry that places their standards so high they put Esquire after their name. 

There is one product that seemingly transcends every program genre. Erectile Disfunction tablets or more specifically Cialis and that little blue bomber, Viagra. This obviously crosses the line between privacy and incredulity but it actually is pretty funny. As any hot blooded American male will agree what else would you think of when you are cleaning the garage, painting a room or that old stand by doing the dishes? We then pan from that to dual claw foot tubs looking off into the sunset. I tried to get my old neighbor to go joint account with me on two of those babies(the tubs) but he turned me down. He’s a lawyer and was concerned about the liability aspect. Which brings up another touchy subject. “If you have an erection that lasts over four hours seek medical help.” Forget calling the doc. If it was me I’d be calling a press conference.But I digress. 

The basis of all advertising is to try to sell you something you don’t really need. They prey upon the basest of instincts, your ego or taken to the adverse, your lack of self esteem. You cannot get the girl without drinking this beer or driving this car. Want to look like a movie star? Dye your hair, lose weight and get a Victoria Secret push up bra. It’s easy. On the other hand if you want to remain a slug or a hag feel free to do so. I think there was one company that was using real live ordinary people for their ads for soap or shampoo. I wonder how that went? 

The bottom line is simple. We get bombarded day and night with messages to buy STUFF. That’s okay. It is the American way no matter how seedy that seems. It is for the most part never never land. You are not going to shoot 75 with your new irons. You can’t lose weight overnight. The rush from new car smell or a new dining room set is fleeting. You don’t need things to define you. Things don’t have soul. You do. I wish we would advertise that but then again there is no real money in it.

As Always

Ted The Great

Factoids:

Definitions.. YUPPIE of course a young urban professional. DINK…dual income no kids. SINK…single income no kids. SUNK….single income, lots of kids. Boomerang kids…leave home and come back. 

New products and promotions are best introduced on TV. Reselling of old products to loyal customers is best accomplished on social media. Nobody talks of radio anymore. 

2/3 of consumers say the best medium is TV. Only 1/2 of marketers agree. What do we know? 

Advertisers spend $168 per phone in advertising. They spend $230 per TV. The most effective advertising of all is personal recommendation from a friend. This can account for over 75% of all sales. 

I am giving blood platelets this afternoon. It’s nothing special but it’s nice to be loved. Actually I’m a universal donor and the nurses truly seem happy to see me. The process is simple. They take blood out of you, strip out the good stuff and then return whatever is left to your veins and it courses throughout your decrepit body. I wonder if they know all the bad things I have done to that corpus over the years?

I first started doing it as a matter of routine until I found out it was an urgent need for cancer victims. I know a lot of people with and some who have died from the big “C” so it gave me added incentive. As you lie there for an hour and half to two hours you can’t help but think. And then, Shazam! I’ve got it! I am going to send these little suckers to Uncle Sam.

All along I have thought the government has been slowly sucking me dry. I got it wrong. There are cancers everywhere in DC that need to be healed. The Executive Branch. The Legislative Branch. Of course the Judicial Branch. Committees. Under, under, under Secretaries. The Military. Now I know why we have the NIH. Just you wait friends. The cure, not the end is near.

Let’s start with 1600 Pennsylvania. Now this is probably overstating the obvious but I think the prognosis is advanced brain cancer with a touch of Alzheimers on the side. Nobody in their right mind could screw things up this badly. About five years ago these guys and girls came in with a new approach. They were going to be transparent. They were going to be for us. They were in great physical shape. Say Amen and join the choir. Change you can believe in. Right.

The honeymoon didn’t last long. There was aberrant behavior almost from the get go. One of the first hires was Rahm Emanuel. Yeek! It seemed to be affecting every one of them. Was it a virus? AIDS? Drug addiction? Nope. A fatal tumor in the cerebellum blocking any rational thought. Stage four. No chemo. No radiation. Radical surgery was the only answer. We used to call them lobotomies but we are much more touchy feely now. It is also the perfect out. Benghazi? Can’t remember. Did I tell you that you could keep your insurance? Couldn’t have said that. NSA? Who are they. One down and several to go.

Legislate this. As we race down Constitution Ave. in our NIH meat wagon we have another epidemic. Congress is wandering around like Jews in the desert. They have no idea where they are going and Moses is on sabbatical. Factions of all sorts are cropping up and everyone thinks they are the Messiah. They are all grabbing their posteriors and babbling. Is this the gift of tongues or the sign of something worse?

Maybe it’s the food? It might be in the water? Sorry gang but they all have colorectal cancer. What to do with such a disaster? Spend money. What else?. We can find a cure they say. Who needs a plan? Just start the project and we will come up with details as we go along. Terminal? Maybe, but we can drag this thing out for years without facing the Reaper. Uh Oh. The docs have the same damn Bama solution. The KNIFE.

For once Chuck Schumer didn’t want to grab the microphone and go first. He said he was tied up. Sorry Charlie, you are it. Drop your drawers. Where is Anthony Wiener when we need him? They wheeled him in to the Congressional operating room. There was gold and marble everywhere. Plenty of food and lobbyists showering money. When they cut him open they only found two moving parts…his mouth and his rectum. And miraculously they were both mutually interchangeable. Praise Jesus, we have another cure. It turns out they are all built that way. We have an ample supply of both inside the Beltway. The country is safe.

Last stop is the Supreme Court. It is the final resort for a lot of people. You get the feeling the jig is already up. They are all dressed in black. Ginsberg looks comatose. Thomas hasn’t said a word in years. What medic in his right mind wants to examine Scalia or Sotomayor? Let’s just leave them all alone. The Founding Fathers wrote it all down. All they have to do is opine for hours on end and everyone else will die from waiting. Roe v Wade said abortion was okay. Need I say more.

Now I know you are all on the edge of your seats. Some of you might even be praying but you don’t have to tell us what outcome you are pulling for. The docs say they need a lot of rest. Duh? Congress is only planning on working 140 days this year. Barry’s gang it would seem has been on vacation since they passed Affordable Healthcare. Maybe they can take three years for medical leave. Death may be imminent for any one of the justices.

Let’s let sleeping dogs lie. Let’s just go about our business on a state and local level. We survived, hurricanes, floods and forest fires. I hate to say it but ignoring them is the best possible strategy. I would love to throw the bums out but too many of you are too interested in what forty years in Congress can bring your state or district. I get it but let’s just hope we have cut to the margins and this ugly mass won’t metastasize.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Under the ACA the Obama administration told Congress that it would allow the federal government to continue paying a large share of the cost of health insurance for members of Congress and their aides, averting a problem for many who work on Capitol Hill. However, under the arrangement, lawmakers and many of their aides will have to get coverage through new health insurance marketplaces, or exchanges, being set up in every state. The government stipend calls for $5-11,000 subsidy.

In addition to the Bethesda Naval Hospital, in town hospitals Like GW and Georgetown University have been equipped with the latest and greatest in diagnostic and treatment facilities. Purely coincidence.

After serving as an advisor to Bill Clinton, in 1998 Rahm Emanuel resigned from his position in the Clinton administration and joined the investment banking firm Wasserstein Perella, where he worked until 2002.Although he did not have an MBA degree or prior banking experience, he became a managing director at the firm’s Chicago office in 1999, and according to Congressional disclosures, made $16.2 million in his two-and-a-half-years as a banker.
Emanuel was named to the Board of Directors of Freddie Mac by President Clinton in 2000. He earned at least $320,000 during his time there, including later stock sales.During Emmanuel’s time on the board, Freddie Mac was plagued with scandals involving campaign contributions and accounting irregularities. The Obama Administration rejected a request under the Freedom of Information Act to review Freddie Mac board minutes and correspondence during Emanuel’s time as a director.

Now this is a great example of a cancer not in remission but raging. Don’t worry folks there are stories on both sides of the fence. Remember Scooter Libby? Tom DeLay? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

We had one of those spectacular fall weekends here in Denver. The Broncos won and the temps were in the 70’s. I took a run on Saturday. I have been dogging it since our trip to the Northwest so I needed to do some miles. Six to be exact. That includes a jaunt to Washington Park which is a two and a half mile oval festooned with a picturesque lake and trees that are burnt orange and umber this time of year. More importantly there are a ton of cute girls running. Kathy always asks upon my return “How were they?” My reply without hesitation,”Great”. Hey, an old guy can dream.

I love to think when I run. They call it the Runner’s High and it kicks in after a mile or two. This week gives me a lot to think about. The move is obvious but also there was a special day at hospice on Thursday. Things are slow right now at the residence with only eight of our 18 beds occupied. Guess people are still enjoying the fall.? Not ready to go just yet. It is good because you can spend a little more individual time with your charges.

I stopped by to see Sally. Not her real name because HIPPA won’t allow me to do that. Whatever! This is one sweet lady of 100 years young. She doesn’t look a day over eighty. She is beyond with it having all her faculties and then some. I met her two weeks earlier and looked forward to our chat. She has cancer and understands perfectly her situation. Just playing the hand that has been dealt. But her tranquility was not resignation but a realization she had a good life..

She was born in a little town in Kansas and she and her husband happened to be married the same year my parents were. They travelled to California during the Depression and told of passing poor folk on the highway. Run down jalopies with all their earthly goods tied to the roof in some fashion. They were on the side of the road because they had run out of gas, money and hope in one fell swoop. I didn’t need to read Steinbeck. This woman witnessed the Grapes of Wrath.

Her husband was a sign painter but when the World War II came he could no longer get the paint to do the job. He went to work for the Navy painting dirigibles in cavernous hangars. The blimps roamed the coastline in search of the enemy. Those days you did what you could and what you had to. The war affected everyone unlike our volunteer and drone clad forces of today. It was a good thing because we were all one and dedicated. A lesson to be learned.

The first president she voted for was FDR. She told me how wonderful it was that he put people to work on the WPA et al. There wasn’t a hint of partisan politics. He just happened to be the right man for the job at the time. Tea Parties weren’t part of the spectrum. Nor were environmentalists or radicals. Just wasn’t done.

As I asked her how she pulled this all off for so many years she seemed to intimate that she just took what life gave her and not only accept it but embrace it. She didn’t bitch or bemoan whatever her lot in life was but rather she spoke of her good fortune at having so much. In reality it was probably not a lot by today’s standards but more than enough to live by. Her kids come to visit every day. They are just as classy as she is. A beautiful lady indeed. I hope she hangs around for a few more Thursdays. I guess that’s selfish.

As I rounded the bend coming home to Williams Street I caught sight of another old lady. Our home. It was built in 1895 by a hardware salesman. It complimented a carriage house and barn next door. Victorian by design it is not as sprawling as our various neighbors but it has been a wonderful place to live for the last six or so years. When we first set eyes on her it was love at first sight….at least for me. Nooks and crannies provided perfect hiding places for our growing crop of grandkids. I hope they remember bits and pieces. Six of the seven crossed that threshold for the first time.

I really thought of all the history. The people. The joy and probably a little heartbreak from time to time. During the big war she was made into a two family house. The marks on the old hardwood floors where walls and doors had been are not disfiguring but a real reminder of times past. I still don’t know where they put the kitchen on the second floor. The windows are huge in the parlor. Passersby would comment on what we had down to the interior of the house although they had never been inside it. No secrets here and that was just fine by us.

I will meet with my two wonderful ladies this week. One for the last time today and one for the last time some time soon. There might be a tear or two but then again what a celebration of all things good. I am so much better for knowing both of them. I have learned a lot. It’s time to move on but not forget. I have to see if I can mimic their great qualities. Like Sally I have to embrace life for whatever it throws at me. Like 701 Williams I hope I can continue to strand tall.

As Always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Those over 100
1950…2300
1990…37,000
2010…53,364

The average house in the US is 34 years old. 40% of homes today are over 40. I guess remodeling and renovation are going to be big business in years to come.
It takes anywhere from 6 to 18 months to build a house from scratch. A house or scraper to be torn down can have that accomplished in 2 days at the cost of $10-15,000. Personally I am against scraping. There have been very few houses over the years that I can’t find redeeming qualities inherent.

Yes it is true you will spend more on healthcare in the last 24 months of your life than you did for your entire life prior to.

Hospice cost $225 per day for in facility care and $465 dollars for intensive care. The cost for intensive care in a hospital can range between $15,000 to $25,000 per day depending on your location. Go figure. Literally!

Moving day is just around the corner. Next Tuesday to be exact. I am sitting here or more appropriately hiding here behind stacks of boxes. Honey do ain’t a melon in this house. It’s kind of crazy when you see all you are cracked up to be in corrugated rectangles and squares of all sorts. It’s really bizarre when you put together an Allied Van Lines cardboard puzzle that has scars from a few moves back. Are we crazy? Please don’t answer that.

I packed the office myself. In the back of a drawer I came upon a list of questions that I wrote down somewhere in our wanderings. It happened during one of those seminal moments where I was trying to find the meaning of life or something like that. I can’t guarantee a sip of scotch didn’t affect my thinking but it was fun to look back and see what I had on my mind.

One of the first ones on the list was, “Should I worry about others or just myself?” I still revisit this one a lot without any prodding. I somehow have this weird feeling I can make the world a better place. I see things that are wrong and want to fix them. I want to help people out.It’s not really egotistical or at least I hope not. I think I have empathy for my fellow man. I am lucky to be in a pretty good place and know that not every one can get there. But I just want somehow to make each person feel special because they are.

I am constantly intrigued by people. I love to know what makes them tick. Not nosy but inquisitive. If you have a problem I want to help in any way. Not to interfere or pry but just to be there. I have been through some crap in my life and maybe I can just give you a little tip here and there. But that gets dangerous because I am not the authority on anything. I used to think I was pretty smart but I have had my comeuppances. Bruised but nor broken. Must be my age talking.

I had bunch of questions about religion. What is God really like? Should I jettison the Catholic church? That was before Francis I am sure. Why aren’t there women priests ? I asked if I was a religious person? I think somehow spiritual fits the bill better. Where is heaven? Probably not sure if it is a thing or a concept. Why is God or at least one’s belief in God the source of so much violence?

I guess that last thought has to do with the superiority of one religion over another. We are all out to save the world just in a different way. Why does my way have to be right? Does the current state of affairs have its roots in religion? You know fair and balanced as long as you lean my way. I really would have a hard time telling a devoted Bhuddist or Hindu that he is way out of line. Jews, Atheists, and Muslims all have their own axe to grind. I just wish they wouldn’t try to hold it to my throat.

Next was something that obviously has been emblazoned in my subconscious. Are all politicians bums? Are any of them honest? Is there any way to get a consensus? Should you just accept bad people? If you see something that is wrong should you call it out or look the other way? How do you get people excited? How can you get them to learn?

I didn’t have the answer then nor do I have it now for some of these beauties. It is good to believe in something. Maybe you have to admire this faction or that? At least they are getting off their butts and trying to do something. Unfortunately it is a take no prisoners approach. Zero tolerance but not for drugs or guns. It is for anyone who doesn’t think the way I do. Comforting but not practical.

The last ones involve me directly. Do I dare to be great? Whoa! That must have been years ago. Am I really creative or full of shit? Should I become a speaker? Should I be a teacher? A film maker? Can I jam more things into my day? Do I have the power to change? Boy a lot of unanswered ones. Oh oh! Now I am really letting you in. Got to be careful. Kathy says I should be more mysterious. I would never be a good spy. I talk too much.

I have put these questions down for both me and you. My to do list doesn’t exactly coincide with Kathy’s or for that matter any of yours. We all have hundreds of thoughts and feelings and enigmas that keep us up at night. But that is also what it means to be alive. It is why even the best super computers can’t outdo us. At least not yet. We have thoughts and aspirations. We have heartbreak and indecision. All these things above are part of Ted’s Head. I hope I just jostled your Head a little bit too.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
There are at last count were about 4200 religions in the world. Those can be categorized into 12 majors. Of course every one believes they have the right answer. Maybe they do?

There is an interesting interview by Bill Moyers this week with Sherry Turkle who is the leading professor of psychology at MIT. She discusses the affect of social networking on every aspect of our lives. Very interesting.

The Chairman and major stockholder of Quicken Loans has invested $1 billion of his own money in downtown Detroit. He is joined by a fellow who is razing homes in blighted areas. He has already torn down 300 falling down buildings. These are guys who are reaching out and walking the walk.

There is a 15 year old in Baltimore that has come up with a test for pancreatic cancer on his own. He was chastised in class for reading scientific journals and very few people gave him the time of day. A professor of oncology at Johns Hopkins did and now he is speaking to scientific forums throughout the world. Dare to be great? This kid does.

As a kid we had afternoon activities at the Plandome Road School in Manhasset on Long Island. The Police Boys Club was the place to be and we played basketball or my beloved dodge ball in the gym.You know the drill. Everyone line up on either side of the center line and four or six beach ball like missiles are put into play.

In the game you can either get hit, thereby being eliminated or you could catch the ball and the thrower was ejected. It got out all sorts of pubescent aggression and outrage and of course it was considered good clean fun. Sneak attacks and totally annihilating someone was considered primo and for the most part nothing more than egos were battered.

Now this endeavor had no team per se, so the last boy standing won. Sorry we weren’t into girls yet. Bragging rights and highly offensive heckling were also in vogue and on the walk home you were all buddies again. I think the seeds were being planted for our future pols and the little charade we know as Congress. I hope you caught Harry Reid speaking of his dear friend and colleague Mitch McConnell the other day. They really are the dysfunctional part of our American Family.

But the similarity of childhood and today’s children doesn’t end there. You all know how we could put things off. Term papers. Studying for tests. Who the hell would want to plan in advance? Cram at the end and then say the dog ate your homework. Any excuse will work even though you know you had this assignment six months ago. You wanted to go out and play and not do homework. The called it recess then and they call it recess now.

Last but not least there were the BMOC’s and now the BWOC’s. Best Whatever on Campus. They were cool. The opposite sex loved them. They would swoon and coo when they walked by but only an idiot didn’t realize there was not a lot going on upstairs. They each had their clicks and you had to pledge to get in. Once in you did things in unison following the leader. If you even feigned an original thought you were ostracized. Stay in line. That is not the way we do things around here. Interesting how little changes over time.

When we speak of government it really is the institution itself. The buildings, the bureaucracy and the falderal. Governance is a lot different. It is leadership and making decisions for better or worse. It is not hemming or hawing. It is setting a course and getting there. It is forming consensus. It is about putting the greater good above your own.

This thing called leadership is terribly interesting. It is the process of social interaction whereby one person or persons enlist the aid and support of of others in the accomplishment of a common task. Now that can be any variety of tasks. The Don of a Mafia organization can be considered a leader. His getting people to think the same way might be different than mine. Fuggedaboutit. A doctor can lead a surgical team. A foreman handling a work crew. A leader of a party or faction.

What distinguishes these from failure or success is measured in many ways. Did you get your point across? Did you win skirmishes or the battle? Was it a Phyrric victory where no one was left standing at he end. The true leader in my mind can bring together various factions understanding the nature of the human spirit but knowing full well what it will take in the long run. Schmooze and cajole but keep your eye on the goal line.

Now kids will get pissed off, take their ball and go home shouting empty retorts and expletives. Their legions of followers will sing Hosanna to them for being so courageous but in the long run what got done? There was no game. No game and everyone loses. I didn’t come here to argue. I made my point now let’s move on. That’s tough. You swallow principal and pride but there is always something you can hang on to say “Hey it is not that bad after all”.

We had a thing called Simpson Bowles. It was and still is a great blueprint for getting control of our purse strings. Obama put the group together and they put a report on his desk three years ago almost to the day. Not very inspiring. But sad to say the other sides in Congress didn’t pound the table and say we have got to look at this either. Now everyone is saying it was pretty good after all. Kind of like having your term paper outline already written for you and you are too stupid or egotistical to see the forest through the trees. Think of all the precious time and money we have lost while dithering.

We need leaders, my friends. We need another party called the center. By most accounts there are 50% of us or more who can’t stand either side. We need someone to come forward. People feel leaders are born, taught or just emerge. I don’t care how we get them, just send them as fast as possible.I am not kidding. We need more than bipolar politics. We need to form coalitions on different issues. It can work.

But it also takes us to be leaders. It takes us to put our agendas aside. We have got to enlist each other’s support for a common good. Dodge ball is a kids game. Let’s grow up.

As Always
Ted The Great.

Factoids:
I gained eight pounds on vacation and have lost seven of them since Saturday.I asked Kathy how that happens? Well she said you eat too much, drink too much and don’t exercise. Brilliant my dear. Brilliant.

We are moving…again. We are giving up our 1895 house and moving into a condo. This will either be the beginning of something or the end. Stay tuned.

Peyton Manning is back. Real back.Glad he is on our side.

This blog is being written in my future office in our new abode. Not there yet but opining while waiting for a vendor. I am five stories up which is not exactly like my front porch at 701 Williams. I wonder if my voice will carry down to the street. I think you already know that answer

These factoids are totally nonsensical and whimsical which fits in perfectly with the topic of this week’s epistle.Gotta catch a plane to DC. Just what they need. One more whack job.

Sorry I am late but got waylaid by a beautiful woman and some great wine. I am coming to you from a wonderful bed and breakfast in Healdsburg, CA which is about as far opposite as you can get from Eureka, CA, where we spent last night. This tour has shown all ends and all people. And that is what is all about. Since we last talked we have been in Vancouver,BC, Victoria,BC Seattle WA, and the Pacific coast regions of Oregon and Washington if all that makes any sense.

If you are young it is a trip you should make after the kids stop drooling so they can appreciate it. If you are old it is one you should do before you start drooling and can’t remember. It helps make this jigsaw puzzle of a nation more understandable. You can’t help but marvel at these United States. If we were any other nation we would probably be seven or eight.

It is also the best and worst of us. You see 50,000 acre forests of redwood and you can’t help but be both in awe and recognize how small a part we are. You have to have big ones not to feel that way. Driving through national parks you see parking lots locked and a meadow without visitors because we have a national temper tantrum. Go up the Columbia River Gorge and you see nature at its best. Fall foliage and a broad expanse of water that had its source several days ago and many miles back.

We went to New Zealand last winter and fell in love with the South Island. You can see that and more in the Pacific Northwest. You motor through coastal rain forests, sheer cliffs with waves crashing below and dunes that feel like the Hamptons or the shores of Carolina. This coast is a working one with saw mills and acres of cut wood awaiting the bandsaws that are part of the building process.

You see all manner of domiciles. The structures are perched on hillsides or trailers hidden by groves of trees. I remember once taking a city friend on a ride along the Colorado River Road, just outside of Vail. As we passed a rundown trailer he commented on the poor devil that had to dwell within. I really wonder if he knew it was that inhabitant’s idea of heaven. You get to feel that more and more as you travel on. Live and let live.

There is a certain breed that is half super person and half maniac that bikes this terrain. Incredible numbers take to the road and pedal push up hairpin turns and steep rises. They are laden with packs and packaging that betray this is more than a day trip. Who are they? Where do they come from? Who cares. This is their country club or rental cottage on wheels. Enjoy.

Maybe they are searching for something. A woman in Seattle told us that everybody headed west trying to find something or forget their past. They kept going until they ran out of real estate and settled on the coast. I think that could be true going east as well but in toto you run into some amazing people. At breakfast this morning we sat with two circus performers, a first time woman novelist and her husband who made robots. TTG met his match and did more listening than pontificating.

You contemplate the numerous modes of transportation we have been on and seen. On the rails we had to step aside and let mile long trains of freight pass by. The port of Vancouver handles 3700 containers a day. That’s about two every minute, 24/7. The port cities have a plethora of water craft but my favorites are the ferries. One took us to Bainbridge Island which for you New Yorkers is like Shelter Island on steroids. It is a marvel of seclusion and we sat at a waterside deck eating chowder and savoring a craft beer. I asked the waitress what she thought of the government shutdown as we basked in an autumn afternoon. Huh? I thought so and good for you.

We have seen some weird scenes too. I was taking a run at 7:00 AM in Victoria, BC. I shot across the street against a light. There were two cars on the road and the second in line was a pickup being maneuvered by a rather corpulent woman. As she passed by she started screaming at me and I of course gave her the international sign of friendship in return. I thought to myself what it must be like to wake up to her in the morning. Spits out a couple of nails and lights up a Lucky from a deck on the nightstand. No thanks.

There was a man walking his tiny dog. He was sucking on a cigarette like he has for the last 50 years. If he was two pack a dayer it meant he had done that 600,000 times in his career. Best of all was when the dog pooped. He proceeded to make a barehanded toss of the litter into a nearby bush. He then ran his fingers over the grass several times. All help please wash your hands before returning to the work area. You can’t make this stuff up.

We will wend our way to SanFrancisco today. Great friends await and then to home. Thanks to all the nice people who befriended us. Thanks to waiters and waitresses and hoteliers. Thanks to the ocean and forests for letting us in. Thanks to my wife for putting up with me for two weeks straight. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am indeed a lucky dude.

As Always
Ted The Great
Factoids:
The redwoods are of several varieties the largest being the coastal sequoia. The can grow to 370 feet in height and a girth of 22 feet in diameter.

A fallen redwood decays for several decades providing nutrients to the forest floor. A kind of super recycling plant. How did nature ever figure all of this out?

The Bainbridge Island ferry was the best deal in the world. $3.95 got you a round trip ticket on a trip to paradise. A foggy transit out and brilliant sunshine on the ride back. 45 minutes each way.

Our trip covered over 2,000 miles. Everyone of them memorable.

We come to you this week from of all places Vancouver, British Columbia. We started our most recent trek in Calgary, Alberta. This is one of those “Bucket” trips that we are on a mission to complete. It is part plane, train, ferry and car all rolled into one. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Our final destination will be SanFrancisco and some dear friends who are heavily into sailboat racing. I hope they will still be reveling in Oracle’s stunning comeback. Champagne anyone?

The people of Calgary and so far Vancouver seem somewhat withdrawn. They avoid eye contact and don’t really smile. You can imagine these poor people bobbing and weaving to escape the wide grin of TTG as he roars towards the local Starbucks. Even worse when he comes out loaded with the darkest roast they sell. But upon engaging these wonderful Canucks they open up and are truly delightful.

The Banff and Lake Louise area is full of contradictions. We have lived in the Colorado Rockies for years but the Canadian Rockies are so different. We travelled on a thing called the Ice Fields Parkway which connects to the Columbia Glacier and beyond to Jasper. The sheer rock faces and incredible landslide and avalanche chutes bring to bear all the forces of nature. Their massiveness and beauty proves once again what a poor imitator man is. I think of the grandiose cathedrals of Europe and they don’t hold a candle(no play on words) to these monuments. Yes you do feel God and say a prayer. The wind and stillness of the land provide the organ music. I would love all of you to see and hear it.

The glitz and glitter of the Fairmount Hotel at Lake Louise seemed loud and garish. As you walk the arcades there are stalls like the bazaars of Instanbul. There is a middle eastern woman selling artifacts and fossils to put on your curio shelf at $3,000 a clip. Bulgari watches or diamond necklaces to bring home as a souvenir. A little mink muffler or and alligator bag to warm you up on a chilly mountain day? You actually wonder if some of these dudes and dudettes even go outside. That’s okay I will have my puny $5 ice cream cone and go to my room to get on the internet at $15 per day. I get it but then again I don’t.

The Trans Canada highway is just that, going from the Maritimes to Vancouver. Beautiful road and so simple. No bawdy billboards and the speed limit seems unnecessary. They actually have built intricate landscaped overpasses for wild life to traverse the habitat. There is this incredible feeling of peace but beyond that man and nature figuring out how to make it all work. Government shutdowns and blovating politicians seem so far away. They should come here to get their act together.

Before getting on the train we chatted with a mountie. Dudley Do Right he was and Little Nell could not be far off. He was a delightful fellow who had retired but suited up from time to time to send people westward and pose for the incessant Asian picture taking. He was a zoologist by trade before entering her majesty’s service and to this he returned. He was studying the ways of bears. Black, brown and grizzly to be exact. He simply stated that we should not view ourselves as the dominant species but just an essential part of the order of nature. Instead of sucking up the earth’s resources how about using what we need and leaving some for all. What the hell is this guy thinking?

It took us two days and an overnight stop in Kamloops,BC to cover the 850 miles to the Pacific. It didn’t seem long enough. You get to think, which of course I love, but you also get to know people at a leisurely pace. There was a fellow from Australia who had undergone open heart surgery 10 weeks earlier. His daughter, a surgeon in Perth was right by his side. Two senior Aussie sisters (not nuns) were a stitch and by day two they were my fall girls. You see I became the unofficial emcee of the bus and beyond. I know you are shocked. I would comment on their drinking or dancing on tables to the delight of all. The dining car din grew louder as people dropped their guard.Departing we all vowed to stay in touch but you knew that wouldn’t happened. At least the thought was there.

The true irony was my book of choice for the trip. “This Town”, which I have mentioned before is the chronicle of excess and self aggrandizement in our fair capitol of DC. The fawning and self gratification seems even more absurd after seeing these panoramas and life so simple. These little people on the plains and valleys are actually the big people. They have learned the true meaning of life. They don’t all agree but they respect one another. They don’t judge by the size of your Rolodex and Rolex but what you have in your heart.

The train could probably hold 600-700 people in good style. I really think we ought to book it and send the boys and girls who are our elected representatives off on a trip to nowhere. They can’t get off until they agree. That’d fix ’em.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Sockeye Salmon spawn and are most prolific in the Adams River. The girls find their way back by sense of smell and different amounts of chemicals in different parts of the river. They disperse 4,000 eggs in the rocky bed and wait for the boys. 2000 eggs survive and become adults of a sort that travel downriver after 6 months to a year of training. They then change in the brackish water from freshwater to saltwater fish and travel the oceans from Alaska to Japan and Hawaii for anywhere from 1 to 5 years. Then they sojourn back to the starting place and it all starts over again. Only 2 of the original 4,000 make the round trip. The returning school numbers 2 million in a bad year and 10 million in a good one. After spawning the male and females die and provide food for ospreys, bears and the like. Amazing but true.

When on the bus in Kamloops I asked the driver where he was going next. He said he was driving US military personnel to Anchorage. They had flown into a Canadian AFB in town. After getting them up north they would board a flight to Nome Alaska. He would then take the bus on a weeklong ferry ride back to Vancouver staying in a superior cabin with booze and food. He said the cost of him living in the lap of luxury at the expense of the US Government was $20,0000. You mean we couldn’t have done this a little more direct and cost efficient way? And this my friends is why sequestration makes appearances by the Blue Angels and Marine bands etc. at public events impossible for lack of funding. Aaaaargh!

Sorry to go so long but Eh?

My Denver Post never made it to the doorstep this AM. I thought this could be the final death knell for print journalism. I hope it was just a glitch but who knows? There is a new editor and maybe he has gone totally electronic and decided not to tell anyone. I do miss it.

With nothing else to do but ponder, I reflected on all form of journalism. I decided to put my MacAir to good use and do some research. I was sure I would find that there were probably 1000 journalists in the entire country that could affect my everyday feelings on life. There are 645 of such at the Washington Post alone.

Let’s really open the doors. Count in the ranks of journalists not only writers but photographers, broadcast types like O’Reilly,Wolff and Brian, sports commentators etc and you have got one boatload of people affecting how you think. We have five local TV stations here in Denver and dozens of radio stations. Add in local rags and monthly magazines and can journalism be dead? I think not.

But as I thought more and more I got good and bad vibes. I love David Brooks, Tom Friedman and George Will to name a few. I am not a fan of Charles Krauthammer and find both he and Paul Krugman to be on a one track rail line touting their particular brand of gloom and doom. I can take bad news with the good but lighten up boys.

What gets dicey is when it is on the tube. Under the guise of broadcast news you see inflections of voice, a slant of the eyebrows or a soul searching glare when reporting this or that.The press has gone from reporting to punditry. Make whatever commentary you want but please just put the words EDITORIAL underneath your theatrics. The scary part is that for a good number of people this is the only news they get. 30 second sound bites from 6:30 to 7:00 PM.

I am not trying to be a snob. I am a news junky and try to take in all sides. It’s just that not all of you are as sick as I am nor do you have all my spare time. I get it. But to sit back in your comfy chair and tune in the right or left and feel smug that your favorite personality is singing to the choir I find a certain waste of time. What did you really learn? What did they teach?

I read a weekly aptly called The Week. They take a story, give you a synopsis and then the reactions of the press from all sides. Left. Right. In between. They have the best national and international columns highlighted. Yes it is their choice as to how they play it but they truly seem to have their rudder amidships. The point is there are nuggets of knowledge everywhere if you look to the Times, and Journal but also in hard to find spaces.

Life is going to get more interesting with the advent of Al Jazeera America. You all are familiar with the Arab version which seemed to be pretty favorable towards Osama Ben Laden after 9/11. The US version will have a lot of well known TV types as broadcasters. The most intriguing part is that this is the old Current TV that they paid Al Gore and friends $500 million for your viewing pleasure. What a country!

The thing I am trying to digest is what more do they have to offer? We have umpteen zillion channels filling the cable waves. This of course brings up the quality issue with so many outlets. There are good journalists but then again there are some really bad ones too. Can you have that much blank air time twenty four hours a day and not rely on questionable facts and half baked newspeople? Once again I am not trying to be stuck up but where are we going with this?

I read a statement the other day that “Media sets the tone for the nation.” I don’t know about you but that stopped me dead in my tracks. You take an event of any sort. Depending on how it is portrayed it can be run of the mill, sensational, maudlin, vile, happy and heartwarming or destructive in the blink of an eye.

Blacks can be victims or heroes above the fray.Immigrants as pawns or trespassers. Soldiers can be vicious or caring. A gangster portrayed as a celebrity or a ghoul. A politician…well let’s just say there is really only one way. But think about it. It all depends on the slant of the story and you have no control over it. You can start off your day with a spring in your step or feeling like you are in basement B. It all depends what filter you have on. That is a little startling.

Yes I know many of you believe the liberal bias and I don’t disagree with you on many levels. But the boys from Fox counterbalance rather than balance. The fascinating part is that Roger Ailes and crew outweigh the other guys by at least three to one. If that means there are more conservatives than liberals then how did Karl Rove miss the boat so badly in the last election? Just wondering.

Amidst all the furor about Wikileaks and Snowden, the scandals on Wall Street and Main Street as well as analysis of issues that have got to be important to us all we need journalism. It will be taken hostage and subverted like almost every other part of our society. That’s the American way. But to throw your hands up in disgust and refuse to engage in the process as a reader is even worse.

Watch Leno do “Jaywalking” where he quizzes the man or woman on the street about current events. A lot of people in this country don’t have a clue. It’s cute in one sense but so incredibly sad. People make voting decisions based on the cut of someone’s hair or clothes. We know every word to a new song but can’t recognize a decision maker or his or her beliefs. We shrug and say we are too busy. If you are one of these don’t bitch about where our country is. You helped make it that way.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
The press is sometimes referred to as The Fourth Estate. This goes back to the French Revolution. The were three classes: nobility,religious, commoners. The press it would seem oversaw these and were to keep people in check. Their commentary could actually move governments and policy. Ergo freedom of the press.

There are currently 1382 daily newspapers, around 14,000 radio stations and 1774 TV stations. Cable itself depending on the locale can have up to 600 different outlets of a sort.

Classic Jaywalking:

What country is the Panama Canal in? …..dunno.
What separates your inner ear from your outer ear? …..your brain
What is the Gettysburg Address?…..I am not sure exactly where it is but I have heard of it. That was a college graduate in her cap and gown after commencement
Couldn’t identify pictures of Barbara Bush, Al Gore, the Dalai Lama,Colin Powell or the new pope. That last one who was stumped was a Catholic.
What countries border the US? …..Australia and Hawaii.
The best of all. Which president had the nickname Tricky Dick?…answer Bill Clinton

We went to the mountains to see friends and family this weekend. It has been a tough time here in the Rocky Mountains. It rained on and off for six days. 34 more and I would’ve had to get out the ark. The devastation is severe and the brunt of the pain falls on simple folk. Dozens of trailers pushed against each other like toy blocks. Houses and cars washed away. People’s lives and hopes crushed and mangled

I was trying to figure out if it would’ve been better to have a hurricane or tornado to do me in. One short blast and in a matter of hours it would be over. Or is it worse to pray for a break over 96 hours and then 120 and on and on. Saying God couldn’t be that cruel. When will it stop? And the water kept rising. A poor man’s water torture. In Boulder Canyon a dam of debris cut loose and a wall of water 20 feet high roared straight downhill without regard for man or beast

The people are amazing. They are tough and for the most part silent .They have lived through drought and blight and horrific snowstorms. They know how to hunker down and if need be bury their dead Edwin Markham’s profound line “stolid and stunned a brother to the ox” is incredibly apt. True Grit III should be filmed right here.

As we drove down to Denver early Monday we were treated to nature at its best after seeing the worst. This time of the year the summer folk have gone home and it is still too early to strap on the boards. The aspens are changing and the shadows lengthen. The hills and roadways are quiet except for local folk going to work. Pick up trucks and campers on the side of the road mark the trailhead to the altars for hunters performing their fall ritual

The sun began to peak through in spots and clouds or wisps of fog lay hazily on the ravines and vales. It was really a picture to behold. No entrance fee. Just realize the rhythm of life. As we sped we left the sunlight behind and descended through the foothills and met the floor of the land we call Denver. It was still raining. “Hang on, help is on the way,” I wanted to say. Little by little those rays caught up to us in our Mile High City.The healing was beginning.

Throughout the day the temperatures rose and with them the spirit of some beautiful people. Smiles broaden and bikes and carriages were taken out of hiding. With over 320 days of annual sunshine we do not do clouds well. That orange ball is part of our psyche and our spirit.It is also a tribute to the resilience of man.

We will rebuild as has Seaside Heights and New Orleans. We will pick through the rubbish to find some little trinket or photo that will be the link to the past and the hope for the future. In the grieving process acceptance follows soon on the heels of shock and denial. Probably no different than the poor souls in the Naval Shipyard or Damascus or the mom of a murdered child in Chicago. This is life…. and death.

Mondays are special to me lately. I take singing lessons from a marvelously spunky and talented 31-year-old. She has had her own set of things to overcome but the smile is ever present. She pounds the piano and TTG belts them out. All of a sudden sounds come out of my mouth and they don’t sound half bad. The world is my oyster. Maybe I can do happy hour at the Holiday Inn in Lakewood.

But the residue of my lesson is the best. I drive the car or walk around singing to myself and sometimes the windshield is my audience. I don’t worry about this or that. There’s a stupid feeling of euphoria or even better the realization that whatever life throws at me will just be fine. It is really cool to be alive. Ted’s Head has got to work on that more

Later on I go to choir practice. I am not a holy roller but this is a neat part of my life. There are some real pros. Our director works us hard and that is good. All told if everyone showed up there would be about 130 in the peanut gallery and they all give it their best. If someone is off key nobody winces but it’s corrected with tact and compassion. Now that is a unique concept.

Maybe this week’s chaos is unique to Colorado or DC but I’m finally understanding that this is life. Maybe a new normal but it is the hand we are all dealt. We could hand wring but what is that going to prove? Let’s take the foot off the Obama,Wall Street, global warming and celebrity gas pedal just for a bit. Set it aside and well….sing in the rain or the sunshine wherever you may be. It’s good for the soul and the last I checked that was our most vital organ.

As Always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
The annual rainfall in this part of the woods is 15″. Boulder got over that in five days and has 32″ for the year. If it had been snow it would have been over 20 feet!

As of press time we still have over 500 people unaccounted for. Over 1500 homes have been destroyed. 650 miles of road are either torn up or destroyed.

Besides our roads our rail lines have been weakened. Not only Amtrak but a good portion of your daily coal comes in and around Denver. Over 15,000 citizens have been evacuated. Many by Chinooks and Medevac choppers from Fort Carson. It’s a small world after all. Pax.

I have been with different groups of friends and probably a few enemies over the last few days. Of course the talk was of you know who and you know where. Our Executive Branch kind of reminds me of the old Abbott and Costello routine, Who’s On First. C’est la guerre.

I am not surprised we are in this mess. I actually thought it would come sooner. Not just for Obama but all of us. A few weeks ago CIA declassified documents said we engineered putting the old Shah of Iran back on the Peacock Throne in 1953 where he ruled until 1979. Not the people of Iran. US! So we could guarantee a supply of oil and in the name of stability.

I remember once sitting in my 1971 Volvo Station Wagon outside Gerallomon’s Mobil station on Main Street in Chatham New Jersey. It was 4:00 AM on a Saturday in 1973 and they didn’t open until seven. The Mideast Oil Embargo had made us beggars on a soup line. I was freezing my ass off and wondering how we got into this mess?

Iranian hostages, The Six Day War in 1967, The first Gulf War, the bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, Hammas. PLO. Hezbollah. Al Quaeda Muslim Brotherhood. Do you really think we are going to bring democracy to this part of the world? Not our brand. But time after time and president after president we think we have it figured out. Forget it kids. Ain’t gonna happen.

The simplest reason is that this has been a religious war for centuries. Shias and Sunnis, the two main denominations of Muslims, started going after each other in 632 AD. They couldn’t figure out who was going to succeed the prophet Muhammed. And they still can’t. Sects break into tribes with warlords and turf and there is no love lost. It is like the Crypts and Kings, Hatfields and McCoys and Republicans and Democrats. The really crazy part is it probably takes a tyrant to keep them all in line.

The problem is there are 1.62 billion of these dudes(women don’t really count) and a good portion want to kill each other. Religion trumps sanity every time.

You know what? I think we ought to let them just have at each other. Why? The world doesn’t really care. We are nuts because Assad killed 1500 with poison gas. Nobody has even talked about the 100,000 dead in the last two years. Sadam Hussein gassed the Iranians in 1988 and we gave him the satellite photos to do it. The Iraq War killed anywhere from 150,000 to 1 million civilians. So many people have been brutally slaughtered, dismembered and violated in this part of the world without any outcry except towards US serviceman or drone strikes. We are the patsies.

Under factoids I will tell you how far Damascus is from various capitals around the globe. Surprise. We are the farthest away but the one everyone looks to solve this quagmire. There are countries ranging from 85 million in Egypt to 5 million in Lebanon. There are millions of refugees in neighboring states. Where the hell are the people that would be hurt the most by violence spilling over? Where are the oil sheikdoms and continental Europe? Have any of them rose up in retribution? If Iran has nukes who do you think they hit first?

Whether we lose credibility or not we have got to back off. Our volunteer force has taken in the shorts too many times only to be used once again as pawns. Military diplomacy serves only one group. The Military Industrial Complex. We keep writing checks and burying our boys and girls in the name of national security. I say bullshit.

I went to war once. So many of you have served your country too. But today 93% of Americans are not connected in any way to the Armed Forces. We are happy to salute at ball games and then get back to whatever else we do without giving a thought. War accomplishes little or nothing. How do you think I felt when everyone was hightailing it out of Saigon and they were tossing helicopters into the ocean because of the fleeing masses? How do you think a maimed or burned soldier feels when he sees people still being killed by the dozens every day in Iraq and soon in Afghanistan?

After 40 years in the Middle East we have accomplished zip. Sure we get to try out our flashy new weapons system or tactics designed by civilian desk jockeys. But in the long run we have pissed away so much money and worse so many wonderful lives.

Ladies and gentlemen I vote no. Call me a wimp but I think you know better. If they laugh at us, so be it. They were going to curse us even if we struck a blow with a Tomahawk for liberty. Either way we are not at the top of their Christmas card list. We are left out on a limb and everyone is doing the dance of derision or looking the other way.

Let’s figure out a way to rebuild our crumbling roads and bridges. Some schools don’t even have book to start the year. We pay an admiral or a general $250,000 per year and a teacher $50k. We have so many pressing problems and we can’t even get Congress to come back early from a five week vacation.

I don’t want to see people die in any way shape or fashion but let’s have others do their turn. We are the greatest country militarily but we get out butts kicked in urban warfare by two faced warlords. I say we train 100,000 Seals and bring everyone else home. I guess that is too simple but I like the strategy.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Damascus to:
Moscow 1538 miles
Rome 1422 miles
Paris 2042
Mumbai 2461
London 3545
Beijing 4316
Washington DC 5875
San Francisco 7342

We are almost 70% energy self sufficient at this time. We could be 100% in a few short years. The feeling is that we should continue to use foreign oil to have a wedge to use against them. Not quite sure I get that.

Disclaimer: Regardless of what is said tonight by Obama the above treatise was written from the heart. It bears no resemblance to well thought out theory. Might even border on the irrational. Sorry but that is where Ted’s Head is right now.