You know this is not as easy at it looks. Ted’s Head is supposed to be a demonstration of my writing expertise while relating what is going on in this bald wonderland known as my brain. This week has provided many challenges. There is a real effort on the part of the world and its resident whackos to render me senseless. They are coming close.

Syria aside from any rational observation is a mess. We are up in arms(literally) over Assad’s use of chemical warfare. We should be. But where has everybody been for the last two years when 100,000 people have been murdered? There are two million people in refugee camps at the borders in Turkey, Jordan and Lebanon. If there was a red line I think we passed that about 100 miles ago.

Obama and Kerry and lest we forget Hilary have forged a foreign policy that is beyond foreign to me. This whole let’s “let them blow their brains out” philosophy is admirable to someone like myself. I have been to war and we sure as hell don’t need another one. I am mystified by John McCain and Lindsey Graham who seem hell bent on getting us in over our heads. Forget about Viet Nam. Isn’t ten years in Iraq fresh enough in their memory?

But then there is a sticky wicket called moral outrage. We tended to overlook that in Rhwanda and Kosovo but who is counting. The chorus rang loud in Britain, Canada et alia but when it was crunch time they decided to leave the driving to us. Go get them Uncle Sam and we will sit here in the bleachers and cheer you on but excuse us if we don’t suit up for this game.

This whole fiasco has convinced me more than ever that Obama and friends are in way over their head. It’s kind of like the Hokey Pokey. “You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out.” This is the Keystone Kops at work. But wait Congress is coming back to town. That should make everything better. I think we ought to install a giant weathervane on top of the Capitol dome so they can always figure out where the wind is blowing and vote accordingly. The Debt, Immigration, Healthcare and Jobs should be a walk in the park.

Half of the West is on fire but there is an ongoing discussion as to whether we should fight the flames or let them burn themselves out. I think that might be considered Nature taking its course. TTG, you heartless son of a bitch, there are people’s houses in those forests. That line of thinking resembles in many ways the populace building houses on East Coast beaches and then spending $30 billion to rebuild and transfer sand from one place to another. We need Chris Christie out here.

Want to know the real foolishness of our ways? Let’s assume we really want to fight these fires. Air Tankers can lay down fire retardant to slow things down. The fleet of a couple of dozen we have now is old and dwindling. We have numerous C130 aircraft in the National Guard that can be equipped to carry these tanks. We cannot get authorization to use them unless we go through a myriad of red tape.

There are hundreds of former jet transports in mothballs in the deserts of Arizona and California. We cannot come up with the money to refurbish these things but we are planning to launch 200-300 Tomahawk missiles as shots across the bow. At the cost of $1 mill per unit and then the support staff, well you do the math. We need psychiatrists in DC not Congress.

My good friend in Hawaii sent me a New Yorker article on forfeiture. It seems there is a law on the books that dates back to the early days of piracy. The good folk in Linden, Texas a small town near the Louisiana border have found this law to be the path to riches. You see if you are suspected of drug smuggling you can have your possessions seized without a hearing. If you get stopped in this burgh for doing 30 in a 25 MPH zone or traveling in the left lane you are a suspect. The friendly mirror sunglassed gendarme then thinks he smells pot. Bingo you go directly to jail and do not pass GO. That is unless you sign a waiver at curbside and then you are free to move on minus your belongings or kids. The loot is split between the cops, the DA and the town. And it is all lawful. And it is happening all over the U.S. of A. What a country.

Bringing this recap to a rapid close is not easy. You have a Montana judge sentencing a teacher to a suspended sentence after raping a 14 year old student. The magistrate said the girl was far more mature than her age. He apologized not about the sentence but his lack of sensitivity. Wonderful.

Then I did miss but have heard about Miley Cyrus bumping and grinding as a shy retiring 20 year old. She was tired of being known as a former Disney Girl. And yes ladies and gentlemen she will follow blithely in the footsteps of those other matrons of honor, Madonna and Lady Gaga. I am really not sure what that says about my fellow Americans when the Tweets were coming in at 300,000 per minute.

Gang, it is only 8:55 AM MDT here in Denver and I am seriously thinking about having a drink. Instead I am going to take a long run and muse about these and other things. Trying to make sense. I don’t carry an ID so if I get lost in thought and run too far I hope someone will give me a ride home. Going down life’s highway, bumps and all.

As Always
Ted The Great

Factoids:

A six year old boy in China was discovered by his parents with two bloody sockets instead of eyes. Seems someone who was into body part sales ripped them out and then discarded them after removing the corneas. Nice.

Switzerland now has drive in sex. You park your car in a stall and sprint undetected to a room with a bed and a friendly attendant. I guess you look at the menu and place your order. Wendy’s may take on a whole new meaning. Let’s go to Sexdonalds for a Happy Meal.

There was a study done to send kids to Finland, South Korea and Poland (Really?) to find out why they do so well at education. It seems they have a real dedication to learning. Finland pays the teachers very well and there are no team sports. South Korea is a little over the top(no wonder they don’t smile) but somewhere in here is a message. Where there is a will there is a way.

Please look at Billmoyers.com. I know he is a lefty but the interview with Mark Leibovich is neither left nor right but compelling.

I have stolen some of these from The Week, a great publication that I devour Monday mornings. Me culpa.

This is the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s famous speech in front of the Lincoln Memorial almost 50 years ago. It was beyond eloquent and no matter what your political persuasion I encourage you to Google it and listen to it.

The times then were downright scary. For the young ones in our audience there was a struggle in the South and elsewhere for blacks to be considered equal. They had been slaves by heritage. I was reading that some 500,000 had been ripped from their homes in Africa. They were sold as a piece of merchandise to the highest bidder. By pieces of silver or gold you now belonged to the man or Massa.

Throughout our early history these people were nobodies. In the modern era if it can be considered as such they were not allowed to ride but in the back of the bus. They could not sit with whites at a lunch counter. There were separate water fountains and lavatories. They were labeled COLORED and WHITE. They were considered the lowest of the low. In trying to figure out their status someone actually tried to equate them as equal to 2/3 of a white person. Wonder why they didn’t pick themselves up and make something of themselves?

Of course there were black schools. Money and good teachers didn’t go there. Couldn’t blame them. The whites that is. And they faltered and failed and took flunky jobs. They talked jive because that was like talking a secret language. It sounded cool somehow and Lord knows they wanted to be cool in some way. 

If you saw 42 you get a little idea. I was a  kid of seven or eight when Jackie Robinson came up. I didn’t really know racial whatevers. He was one hell of a ball player. You didn’t know bupkus until you watched Jackie or Willy Mays run the bases. You cheered like hell but don’t get too carried away. He ain’t coming for dinner or even for a game of golf at the club.

Jimmy Brown grew up in our town. I would watch him at Manhasset High playing football but even better at lacrosse. But he lived in the Valley at the bottom of Spinney Hill. You passed the Dew Drop Inn and prayed you wouldn’t get a flat tire. Don’t stop for red lights. You might not get home. The homes were run down and rancid. Stabbings and drunks were commonplace. We have really come a long way haven’t we? Did I mention that was in New York on Long Island? Not the Deep South.

Sure we have had desegregation. Yes we have had Head Starts and all of that. We have had public housing that has been trashed and burned by the residents. They killed and raped each other. They sold drugs to one and all. The good side of the tracks called them savages and some of them probably were. But so are we but just in white collars and the crimes are less violent like fraud and embezzlement.  I wonder how most of us would have fared?

I watched John Lewis, a congressman from Georgia this weekend. This man walks the walk and talks the talk. He was beaten, brutalized and arrested over 60 times. Yet he didn’t raise a finger in retaliation. He walked alongside MLK and Ralph Abernathy in lockstep. Show them we are bigger than cursing and spitting and screaming in rage. They say N____er go home but to where. Once again the haunting question. What would I have done in the face of all that vitriol and hatred?

Fifty years have come and gone. We have a black president to the chagrin of many. Let’s face it some of us are pissed because he is an uppity black not a Democrat. We have watched the likes of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson who seem to be in it for the money and the message is secondary. I am so turned off  by the fact that Jesse Jackson got the blacks to boycott Budweiser and was rewarded with a distributorship for Budweiser for he and his sons. Sharpton blatantly lied about Tawanna Brawley and got a radio/tv show for his efforts. But then again I guess no white man has ever committed a crime. Sure he did  but just dressed a little differently and working out of a gated community instead of a ghetto storefront. That makes it alright.

Now except for this week the blacks have been in the background. The Latinos are now front and center. We want to deport them. We want to cleanse our land to make it right. Get them sons of bitches out of here so honest Americans can get a job. Really? Okay I will play your game. Just let me know in a year or so how you like making your own bed or cutting your own lawn. Or if you have help what is it really going to cost you to attract the “right” kind of person.

I am not a cross burner nor am I a cross waver.I am not apologizing for who I am or what I have. But to say I got here completely on my own is BS. There is a thing called the Lucky Sperm Club and I am a member.I could have been black or Latino or poor and destitute living in Somalia. I am not the cat’s meow.And neither are you.

The black community like the Latinos have to take responsibility for themselves. The rappers and movie moguls as well as sports stars and reverends have to stand up and take their own to task along with white America. But we as everything sane can’t keep coming up with vapid excuses to justify our right to throw stones and plain ignore the problem.

I have a dream. That I will be a better person and not be patronizing to less fortunate people but really try to get my ass in gear to help them. That when I see a young black or Hispanic I won’t say isn’t he or she cute but look and see a human being with incredible potential with as much right on the planet and in this country as I do. As I look at my kids and grandkids. That’s a dream and I have along way to go but I have to start somewhere. Care to join me?

As always

Ted The Great

Factoid:

The slave trade in Africa was set up and maintained by blacks. You had to get the poor devils from the inland regions to the coast and waiting ships. Millions went to Europe, South America and the US. They were stacked like cord wood and on the overall journey throughout all corners of the globe a vast majority of them died. Made the “survivors” all the more valuable.

Gospel music as well as the blues are an outgrowth of slavery. At night they would sing to soothe the soul and pray to God. The blues were just that and a tribute to the poor times.

72% of African American babies are born out of wedlock. 90% of blacks killed are at the hands of other blacks. Now you can view this as a cancer or a pimple. Cancers kill if left untreated. Pimples can kill also if left untreated. Just takes longer. Name your poison.

Gangs are the new black and Hispanic “family”.

Cue the music. Pete Townsend and the Who are on full volume as I ponder the question and yes maybe it is CSI. Let’s look for clues and let the evidence not emotion lead us. The boys and girls in DC are on summer break and it is a great time to think of your political bent without the normal barrage of left and right.

I really would like to know what it is I am? I could take a test on the internet which is actually quite fun if you are honest with yourself. But I really hate to be defined. Time to go to Merriam just one more time.

Conservatism

is a political and

social philosophy that promotes retaining traditional social institutions. A person who follows the philosophies of conservatism is referred to as a traditionalist or conservative. Okay I get that. You really like the status quo. Don’t mess with Texas and if you are rich and famous you like that just fine. Who wouldn’t? If you are really conservative then you are a reactionary. You want to really roll back the clock to colonial times or cavemen depending on your fervor.

Liberalism is

a political or social philosophy advocating the freedom of the individual, nonviolent modification of political, social, or economic institutions to assure unrestricted development in all spheres of human endeavor, and governmental guarantees of individual rights and civil liberties. Wow!  That was a mouthful. I think they are saying that you want to tinker with society to make it work better.

On the surface I don’t really have a problem with either side. But as always the devil is in the details and the energy. You can take a workable philosophy and have extremists. This is the take no prisoners philosophy. I can’t back down one bit because to show weakness is to predict my demise.

Branding is a concept that is very much in vogue today. In commercial applications, Coke, Nike, BMW, Kraft Foods et alia push their brand in print as well as electronic media. You want to use or be a part of their family because it implies quality, hipness or a certain joi de vivre that you want to be part of. You know someone says they wear Armani suits because it makes a statement about who they are. A little shallow but true.

We have this irrepressible urge to categorize and label. I’ve talked about neat little stacks because then I can decide if you are in or out and do I really want to have something to do with you. Can I trust you? I think I am saying if I listen to you and hear your point of view then I might catch a disease and then what will people think of me? Politically we have to define you as left or right and then form our message to attract as many as possible to our side.

If you are liberal you want to cure society’s ills through government intervention. You believe in equality and if it doesn’t exist you can create it. Now I feel for my fellow man. I give to charity and volunteer my time. Interestingly rich liberals give less to charity than rich conservatives. Why? They think the government should provide not the individual. I am not sure that makes sense in a philosophical or practical sense.

The error of the liberal way is that taken to the extreme you rob the individual of any sense of self determination. I guess at its real extreme it is socialism. I want to help a bit not give away the ranch. But let’s not get quite so smug oh ye of the right.

Conservatism says we should all do it on our own. No help. Let the chips fall where they may. I got mine. You get yours. I am a pretty self reliant person so I can agree. Sort of. If I am a conservative from the Midwest why am I taking a subsidy for my farm? If I lean right in New York then I should not have flood insurance or any help from the government when my house in the Hamptons or Mantaloken blows out to sea.

If I really cut out the entitlements then no one can get high end surgeries or hip replacements to pay for those houses. Government  grants keep the hospitals and universities that I like on an even keel. I could put in tolls everywhere to pay for the bridges and highways but then the less fortunate won’t be able to get to the malls to buy the stuff  that keep the stock prices up. Hmm. Maybe we ought to help a little. Especially when it benefits me.

Enter the independent. Now he or she says I really can’t buy either of your acts in entirety. They are the bane of politics because no one really understands what they want. A little from Column A and a little from Column B. Playing coy. Not committing but saying you have a chance for my vote. Let me hear your pitch. It really is in pure election parlance the swing vote. How cool.

The only real problem is the institution at the present time does not allow for independents. The true power in Washington is reflected by the committees of Congress. If you want to get the plum assignment you have to be a big cheese in the party. If you want to get money from the lobbyist you have to have seniority. There is not a lot of swagger or influence for the chairperson of the Postal committee.

For this reason there is an incredible need but almost an impossibility for a third party. If there was another side we would have the powers that be making deals and forming coalitions. Not trading tit for tat but forming legislation that was really in the best interest of all and not just doling out hidden percs for support. If you vote for my subsidies then I will give your constituent a tax break. What  a crock. But as long as we let them play the games it will be our ruin. If we let money and power prevail we are screwed. If you think the current situation is sustainable I have some oceanfront property in Arizona I would like to sell you.

Who am I? Government is not the solution to everything. We should be out of education nationally and leave it to the locals. We should wipe out every single tax loophole and start over. Any new levy should stand on its own and not as part of a hidden rider. We should gear our expenditures toward infrastructure and less for defense. Not only roads and bridges but a broadband system second to none. We should say if you have a great idea there is no better place on earth to see it to fruition. We have got to help the poor as civil people. If we have poverty you can’t have a sustainable economy. We have to root out the bloated bureaucracy and corruption. That means attacking power at its roots.

This is not campaign rhetoric for the TTG party. It is just a common sense approach. I don’t want to be labeled left or right. I want to tell you what I believe in and respect your ability to do the same. I want to meet you half way and sing somehow out of the same hymnal. You sing tenor, I will sing bass. But we will sing together. A loft expectation? Of course. If you are Conservative come down off your high horse. If you are liberal don’t expect the world. Those are the real facts of who we are.

As Always

Ted The Great

Factoids;

There are 26 national parties in the United States. Among them are the Communist Party, the Modern Whig Party, Socialist Worker Party, the Christian Life Party, the US Marijuana Party and the US Pirate Party????. Something for everyone.

Up until the 1820’s nominating the people to run for President was really an inside job. The Congress got together and decided who should run. This became so outlandish in 1824 that the individual parties did their own picking and Andrew Jackson, hero of the War of 1812 was the “People’s” pick in 1828.

Our current primary system is both good and bad. Ideally we would have an open primary where the two top vote getters regardless of party would square off  in the general election. Good for us. Bad for the parties.

Good Examples of Positions:

Immigration;

Liberal;Support legal immigration. Support amnesty for those who enter the U.S. illegally (undocumented immigrants). Also believe that undocumented immigrants have a right to: all educational and health benefits that citizens receive (financial aid, welfare, social security and medicaid), regardless of legal status.  It is unfair to arrest millions of undocumented immigrants.

Conservative;Support legal immigration only. Oppose amnesty for those who enter the U.S. illegally (illegal immigrants). Those who break the law by entering the U.S. illegally do not have the same rights as those who obey the law and enter legally.

Abortion:

Liberal:A woman has the right to decide what happens with her body. A fetus is not a human life, so it does not have separate individual rights.

Conservative:Human life begins at conception. Abortion is the murder of a human being. An unborn baby, as a living human being, has separate rights from those of the mother

You wonder why we can’t agree?

I am always continually amazed by our ability to dream. Yesterday I was surrounded by munchkins in the person of four of my seven grandchildren. Padge refused to let them watch TV so they played, dreaming up this scenario or that. Climbing trees or making a box of simple things come alive with meaning that could not have been in the mind of the creators. Very cool.

I am always torn by the concepts of dreaming and pragmatism. I love to think about possibilities of all sorts giving full vent to ideas without the strong arm of the law saying you can or cannot do that. But then the conservative in me says we have to have limits or even better yet it’s okay to cook up this or that but not all the time.

I guess I really wonder if our world is in any way realistic. We keep pushing envelopes with regard to housing, cars, medicine and entertainment. We had friends visiting who live in a three bedroom two bath house. It’s just them and an occasional visitor. They said they really want to add a third bath and I said why? Well because every bedroom should have its own bath, dummy.

I am always on my medical kick. I work in hospice as you know and every time I go there the moment of passing for some soul is imminent. As I walked by a room last week I joined the nurse for the last few moments of this woman’s life. She passed at 3:33 PM with no incident.

I couldn’t help but think of ICU’s and operating rooms everywhere trying to save this person or that at all cost. Pull out this part and put in a new one. Let’s try one more ultra blast of radiation or chemo to rid you of that cancer only to die from something else because your body is so beat up. Why would you ever want to go without a fight? Maybe because it is time.
Movies, games, resorts and wedding have all taken on this air of “Can you top this?” We are totally absorbed by the concept of I am just going to sit here and you must entertain me. I don’t think this is old fart as much as saying when is enough, enough. Sooner or later you can’t go bigger, better, faster or can you?

There was a bride to be who lived in one of the most beautiful places in the world, Santa Barbara, CA. They had the bachelorette party in Vegas, the bachelor party in New Orleans and the wedding in Mexico. Of course there was a luncheon for the bridesmaids, a rehearsal dinner, and an after wedding brunch tacked on. Partay on but to what end. I would hate to be the poor schlep who had to follow that act. Now is all of this looking at reality or just going farther and farther into make believe? Don’t be a Scrooge TTG.

For a moment think that our nation is reflected by its politics. Forget about left or right. We have become a nation that is putting off hard decisions. We can’t solve, immigration, infrastructure, tax reform, and medical coverage because we “kick the can down the road”(I really hate that phrase). Is this the deliberative process or a bunch of men and women who can’t seem to face up to what’s happening now?

I know it is the dog days of summer. August is when most people take off and all of this will probably fall on deaf ears. I am not opting for a puritan society but shouldn’t there be some limits? And that’s where I have my problem. I am incredibly optimistic and positive. I truly feel like I am in my early forties as far as mental acuity and even physically somewhat. Actually I was more of mess when I was forty. But that nagging voice in me says let’s look at things in black and white. Have fun but also get the joke.

Maybe it is generational? Not in the way you think. The 50-60 million Boomers who are on the back nine grew up in a crazy time, the 70’s. Make peace not war. Free love. Let’s do a few doobies and life will be grand. Enter Timothy Leary and the wonders of LSD. Woodstock was the birthplace of more than one thing. The whole gig was drugs, sex and rock and roll. Don’t worry. Be happy. Life will work out somehow.

Today we have a whole strata of retirees who have amassed an average of $25,000 in their nest egg. They have beat up their bodies pretty well and now are demanding we fix them. The other day I read with medical advances people might be able to live until they are 120. Now that is an exciting prospect. We are looking for Mommy and Daddy to rescue us and they are personified in a guy called Uncle Sam. Bad news for the next generations.

I guess my whole point is we need a little sobriety. I know some of you have been hurt by the downturn but for the most part we as a country want to keep rolling with the next frontier being an outpost on the moon or Mars. Great. Dream the dream but also figure out how we are going to pay for it. Wait a minute. Why can’t that be our new fantasy? Now that’s a clever idea TTG but let’s not get carried away.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
The average wedding today costs about $30,000. The most expensive one was $78 million and the lovely Vanisha Mittal of India. Don’t know her but she invited 1,000 guests for 5 days. The Donald only spent $1 million. He didn’t want to do anything over the top.

The 70’s brought protest, disdain for authority, wild clothes, crazy hairdos, streaking, lava lamps, Pet Rocks, environmentalism, women’s liberation, the civil rights movement and the early advent of microcomputers.

For the next twenty years there will be 10,000 people each and every day who reach the age of 65. There will be a significant drop in the number of working people (16-64 years of age) to support what will grow to be a population of 85 million retirees.

According to the Employee Benefit Research Institute, 46% of all American workers have less than $10,000 saved for retirement and 29% of all American workers have less than $1,000 saved for retirement.

The life expectancy in the US is 78.3 years young. The HEALTHY life expectancy is around 71 years.

Just imagine for a moment that you are having a drink in a bar with a beautiful woman or handsome man. In my case of course this is just in the realm of fantasy. Honest Kath.  You are deep in conversation and this person is WOW. Intelligent. Witty. Sophisticated. You are so enthralled you don’t even ask what they do until the second drink.You are an undertaker? Excuse me I have to feed the meter and then it is adios.

I arrived at this train of thought through two books I am reading on bias and imagination. I know my brain goes into strange and mysterious places but please hear me out. This whole bias thing was of course kicked off by the Zimmerman trial. Which way would I have seen it if I was a juror? Not as easy as it sounds.

Of course I don’t have a biased bone in my body. When I see a person of color all I see is the human being. If I see a grossly overweight person I don’t see an overeating slug. How about if you have nose ring? Loaded with tattoos? What if your head is misshapen by a gross scar or acne? I stand accused and convicted. C’mon TTG that is not really bias. Oh really?

We all have what might be called automatic biases which are both innate and sometimes acquired. We tend to categorize people at first blush. We take them and put them in this box or that. You’re Jewish? I’ve got one for that. Muslim? Asian? And then we begin this process of going from one sorting technique after another until we have everyone in neat little piles that we have personally  designed. All without uttering a word.

We use all these floors, closets and drawers because we crave order and predictability. We like our view of the world just the way it is. A comfort zone. A warm fuzzy. Why would I ever want to screw that up?

These forces are personal, familial, cultural, religious, race, gender and societal class all rolled into one. Boy do I feel good! I have it all figured out. Except there is one small problem. Our world and especially today is not static. We are taking on one tradition after another and seeing whether it is really appropriate in the new normal.

This isn’t a gradual evolution but an earthquake of cataclysmic proportions. Sure it is bothersome and I will do everything I can to shape it for what I believe in. But I also can’t stand in the middle of the street and say STOP. Even worse I can’t star in “Back To The Past” and tell you about the good old days.

And now enter imagination. I got to thinking if I shoot down every new and crazy idea then I am both a wet blanket and doomed to obsolescence. Let’s face it. Older people are probably the worst. Some are lazy. You know they want to stand up for their rights but it is really a way of saying don’t bother me my shows are on. I think most are scared. A lot of us got to where we are by being cock sure we were the cat’s meow. Admit that I might be wrong? No way.

Imagination is exciting and fun. You come at something from a totally different angle. You blow up your mindset and then start from scratch. You might arrive in the same spot but the sheer exercise of your brain is exhilarating. People my age say they can’t believe the energy I have. When you are having a good time you can’t help but be excited about life. I hope I am this whacky if I am in a wheelchair.

More importantly is sitting down with someone who has a totally new idea. Don’t throw stones but feed their enthusiasm. As some profound individual once said. “Don’t ask why, but why not?” I had the absolute joy of having lunch with a bunch of young people. They had ideas, dreams and reality all rolled into one. I put away my sifter and prejudgment mechanism and just listened or at least encouraged where I could. I learned so much.

If you think of an insect is it a mosquito or butterfly? When a person is a lawyer or surgeon are they a male or a female in your mind? If a person makes an incredible scientific discovery does the vision of a white or brown person conjure up in your brain? If a black man is walking down the street in a hoody do you say hello or cross to the other side. Think how all these automatic responses cut us off from any new discovery about both people and things.

Look we are all biased for good and for bad. Like all other learned traits they can be changed. And to me that will result in growth both personally and as a country and a world. We will find solutions as opposed to going to our respective corners to wait the next round. Life is too short and if we use our imaginations we can really picture just about anything. Even dating an undertaker.

As Always

Ted The Great

Factoids:

A funeral director does embalming, burial and cremation. The industry employs over 30,000 people. More woman are currently enrolled in mortuary science programs than men. They are fun. My favorite body snatcher, John Horan, TC and I are going to have a glass of red and a cigar at Churchills Thursday afternoon.

Your biases can be set off by words alone. Orchid, tulip, lily vomit, poison, evil, gnat, wasp, roach, steak, liver, corn, brussel sprouts. See what I mean?

How components of the U.S. population are projected to change by 2050:

The times they are a changing.

Zimmerman got away with murder. Forget about Florida law you can’t just tail a guy, be told to stop, continue on and confront that guy, get into a fight and kill him. I don’t care if Martin was white black or pink.

To all you denizens of Gotham for the third or fourth time(who’s counting) you have a Weiner to roast. This is bordering on the absurd. They said today he has fallen to fourth in the polls. Why is this pervert even in the polls? And all you New Yorkers thought rational thought stopped at the Hudson River. You are right it does but it is west of it. As Frank said “If you can fake it there, you can fake it anywhere.” Didn’t he?

I am really starting to like Pope Frank. Getting off the plane he had a carryon. As he said, it didn’t contain the nuclear codes but a razor and a prayer book. He got stuck in traffic when his driver took a wrong turn and they were beseiged by the masses. But wait…he was riding in a FIAT! He made do by laughing and kissing babies. Then he told the hierarchy of the church to come down off their high horses and get out among the people. He went on to say they should not consider themselves something special but just like the rest of us. Then he held an impromptu 90 minute press conference on the plane returning to Rome. He answered each and every question with candor and no teleprompter. We gotta hire this guy as a consultant to every mucky muck in the US whether elected or not.

Palestine and Israel are talking in DC or at least they were at press time. If Kerry pulls this off I may have to reconsider my considerable dislike of him. Israel has released some prisoners to be named later. Sounds like the big leagues. Palestine isn’t sure who represents who? I am sure at the end of this little soiree we will have a new policy. Don’t Budge. Don’t Tell.

News Flash: A Rod has been using HGH (Human Growth Hormone). You think so? Can’t be true because well, he denied it. Just like Braun and Armstrong. I was actually hoping Harry Reid, Boehner and the gang would all use performance enhancing drugs and I don’t mean Viagra. Maybe Obamacare would cover it.

I was making homemade ice cream yesterday and today with my granddaughters who are in residence while their parents are working hard on Nantucket. First I had to search everywhere in the store for heavy cream. Then my total at the checkout was $27.83 for various ingredients. Hey, I got three quarts out of it. We made one batch of mint cookies and crème and the second was cinnamon with a variety of things that were hanging around the cupboard.

I can’t make this stuff up. As a postscript to last week UBS agreed this week to pay $885 million for misleading clients on mortgage backed securities. A friend pointed out if they made billions then it was a small price to pay on the plus side of the ledger. I said sooner or later we have got to be talking about some real money. A billion here. A billion there.

Looking out for your fellow man or woman. Last Friday I was walking into the Cherry Creek Athletic Club as an ambulance was arriving. I feared for several of my old fart friends but unfortunately they were all accounted for. It seems a Zumba teacher was getting a little too carried away and passed out. As the gurney with her on it was going out the door I heard a woman at the front desk demanding to know if there would still be a class on Monday? Another asked since the free class was cut short was the club going to give out free guest passes? What a country!

Two takes on a touchy subject. I watched Obama’s off the cuff news conference on the Travon Martin case. I will give my take at a later date but this was really quite a talk. He did not use a teleprompter and I believe he really spoke form the heart. At the same time I watched Bill O’Reilly’s “Talking Points” on the same topic. I am not a fan of either but I think O’Reilly’s passion and hard hits made me sit up and take notice. I heard the pans from all sides for both of them but I encourage all of you to Google both talks. Leave your biases at the door, Look, this race thing is there and we all know it. By being politically correct we dance around issues that need a full venting. At the same time I watched “42” this weekend which was indicative of the hate and venom of the time. It wasn’t just in the south but everywhere. We have made great steps but we really do have a long way to go. Hang in there everyone.

Last night a husband awoke to find his 45 year old wife and mother of three teenaged children had died in her sleep of natural causes. A two year child was run over and killed in a mall parking lot. A young man and white collar father of two is going to jail for five years on a first time drug possession and trafficking charge. A beautiful young woman is having radical surgery for breast cancer. Think you are having a bad day? Think again.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Coca cola would be green if food coloring was not added.

Bat those baby blues…women blink twice as much as men.

You heart beats over 100,000 times a day. More if you are in love. Your heart also creates enough pressure to squirt blood thirty feet.

Try, try again…. 35% of people using personal ads for dating are married.

Hold the QTips. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21 inch long tongue.

People are more allergic to cow’s milk than any other food.

Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails

THE END

Walgreens fined $80 million by the DEA for letting millions of controlled substances like oxycontin find their way into the black market for drugs in Florida.

Walmart fined $111 million for improperly handling hazardous waste and dumping of pesticides.

Johnson and Johnson fined $2 billion for illegally marketing a drug Risperdal

Abbott Labs fined $1.5 billion for illegally marketing Depakote

Merck fined $950 million for Vioxx

Glaxo Smith Kline $3 billion in criminal charges around the antidepressants Paxil and Welbutrin.

McKesson fined $190 million for inflating drug prices to Medicare.

Barclays Bank fined $453 million for fixing the Libor rate.

JP Morgan, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Citigroup fined $740 million for collusion and bid rigging to set rates paid to municipalities which were below market.

JP Morgan, Bank of America, Wells Fargo and Citigroup agreed to pay $25 BILLION to states for shoddy and illegal practices in handling foreclosures. That’s not a typo it is the same cast of characters.

JP Morgan Chase fined $1 billion in rigging electrical contracts in California. They will probably negotiate down to $500 million.

HSBC fined $1.9 billion for money laundering drug money in the United States and Mexico. They said they had no idea but a used car salesman deposited $25 million in sequential travelers checks at an out of the way branch in Mexico City.

Bank of Tokyo fined $250 million for 28,000 illegal payments totaling $100 billion to Iran and other members of the Axis of Evil.

Goldman Sachs fined $22 million for “huddling.” This refers to analysts, traders and salesmen talking about the analyst reports amongst themselves prior to release. Strictly verboten.

Rajat Gupta, a member of the board of directors of Goldman Sachs fined $13.9 million after being found guilty of passing confidential information to a hedge fund.

US banks topped $10 billion in fines in 2012.

Met Life fined $400 million for failing to pay death benefits to people who were deceased.

Prudential $138 million for the same practice.

I won’t keep going but you get the idea. We scream and yell about regulations and we want to get the government out of our business. I could not agree more. Everyone says let us regulate ourselves. Really?

Sure the banks are bad. Oh I am sorry they just paid all that money without admitting any wrongdoing. What was I thinking? But these aren’t the only culprits. Everyone tries to game the system or so it would seem. Push the edge further and further until you get caught.

I am not a boy scout but this sucks in my book. I love it on CNBC when after earnings Dimon or Blankfein or some CEO of a drug company expounds on the world and their place in it. With all of this going on on their watch. Please don’t snicker and tell me how many minutes it will take Goldman to pay off their latest slap on the wrists. Sorry kids. Someone should be going to jail and it should start at the top.

Many years ago my brother Kevin said you should make every CEO responsible for the outcomes of pollution. Bottom line you wouldn’t have a problem for long if at all. Ditto Drugs, Banks, Wall Street and insurance. Good thinking.

We came out with 3000 new regulations in the US last year. They covered everything from banking to chicken farms. Everyone says they should just enforce the existing laws and maybe they are right. But then we cut funds for enforcement and investigation.

I was in Italy last summer and it just so happened the Inspector General for the Department of Health and Human Services was on the trip. Poor man. I jumped on him like a cheap suit. This guy was responsible for investigating fraud in Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, the Veterans Administration et alia. No wonder he did not have any hair!

I asked simply why there were not more investigators? “Great point TTG”, he replied. He said they could prove that the money spent on enforcement was returned 10-12 fold per annum. But the Congress didn’t want to authorize new hires because it would look like they were trying to increase government. Aaargh!

He did make an interesting observation. He felt that the civilization as we know it faced one catastrophe it might not recover from. Corruption. He said in business and in government it was so rampant and insidious that he wasn’t sure we could make great strides toward rooting it out.

It is not just us but throughout the world. Afghanistan, China, Europe, Russia, Africa and South America. Bribery, fraud, theft, bid rigging are just a few that are not only illegal but unfair.

The end game is it really hits us all. If these guys screw municipalities in bid rigging we have to pay higher taxes. The thefts and payoffs add to the price we pay for everything. Corporate welfare by paid off Congresspeople not only tax us more and add to our deficits but are next to impossible to get rid of.

Yet we look the other way. Let’s just make sure our share prices go up. It’s the earnings stupid! Not just the banks but IBM, GE, airplane manufacturers, defense contractors, doctorshealthcare providers, major contractors, all have their place at the trough.

The good part is that not everyone does. There are decent people in all these organizations. And let’s just hope some of them are stand up. I am not trying to be anybody’s moral compass but my own and my family’s. I just would like others finally get off their asses and say ENOUGH! if they share the same distaste for the sleazy dealings of corporate America. If everything is just fine for you so be it. It’s not for me.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids: None. I bored you with too many already. Pax

I am sitting here in Command Central. They are fun digs with a simple desk and my big old leather chair. One is for reading and writing. The other for sleeping. In this module they are mutually interchangeable. Big windows give me a bird’s eye view of the corner at 7th and Williams.

There are several shelves with plenty of books I have never read. There are stacks of papers begging to be put away. I have a large stack of hymns that have to be cataloged for my new choir career. And of course there is nautical and golf memorabilia strewn every which way. Don‘t you know these are all characteristics of a creative mind? Okay maybe of a severely dysfunctional personality. Hey, it’s too late to change.

Then there are boxes of toys. The grandkids hang out here to get away from their parents. There are dolls, LEGOS, water guns and boxes of craft stuff which inevitably get disbursed in equal mayhem all over the room. They tell me I am nuts and I tell them they are creepy kids. We all get along fine. They like my rules. There are none except when it comes to bodily harm. Pain is okay but when it becomes near death it has to stop.

My buddy Yeoman tells me I look at the world from 30,000 feet.
Actually I vary my altitude depending whether or not I contemplate landing. I circle several times but inevitably choose to stay airborne. Actually I should have been on the stick of that Asiana flight at SFO. I would never land at anything other than full speed.

Maybe I should buy a drone. I could equip it with sanity bullets. As my unmanned aircraft prowls the skies I could control it right from here. I would have to be careful with my target coordinates. There is a very good chance I would mistake the floor of Tahrir Square for the floors of our legislatures. Sunnis. Shiites. Muslim Brotherhood. Democrats. Republicans. All the same crackpots except for their garb.

I would opt for Preparation H suppositories rather than heat seeking missiles. I would take care of every pain in the ass in the universe. In Viet Nam we used to carry 81mm rounds with little darts in payload. I would probably try to find some old ones and use them as ego deflators. Target wall Street and DC. On second thought maybe not. I would have to expend a lot of ammo in this man’s world.

Up here in the stratosphere you see a lot of crazy things. Over the Capitol rotunda last week I watched a magic show called the Farm Bill. Now the boys and girls took out direct payments that we make to farmers every year whether they plant crops or not. That’s right we just sent it to them monthly like Social Security. That came to $17.5 billion. But the vast majority of recipients are large corporate farmers. Our brazen and bold pols stood up for us and took out this waste. An illusion befitting David Copperfield. Sort of.

Instead we have now put in price supports that kick in when wheat, corn etc go down a certain amount. Very cool except for the fact we are pegging the base point at near record prices today. So if they approach anywhere near normal they get propped up. Oh yes you should also know that the US government also pays 62% of the premium for crop insurance that farmers have to pay. The insurance companies are also guaranteed a 14% return. This all is predicated on failure of these green pastures but last year only ½ of 1% of the number of farms failed. Is it me or do you smell manure even in my aerie?

At the same time I am watching everyone bitching that SNAP (new name for food stamps) should be cut by $10 billion. Now, now, I hear the restless natives down below. Understand these programs take care of 50 million of our fellow Americans. These people live on less than $18,000 for a family of three and amount to about $3 per day. I can blow that with a VENTI Starbucks.

I know some buy booze and cigarettes but the cheat rate is actually very low. Now I know you all pay all your taxes. No one accepts cash for payment. Docs don’t pad Medicare. Rigging LIBOR? Really? You know that casting the first stone jazz. Now this is dysfunctional. But I digress.

Up here you get the big picture. It’s not your street but a city, a state and a country. You realize the diversity and sheer expanse of this place we call home. Up here people look very foolish. Their hamster pedaling and frenetic life style belie the real meaning of life.

This world is nuts and none of us have a monopoly on the insanity. The past few weeks I could probably use one of those PITA(Pain in the Ass) shots. I have been a grouch of sorts. I am also gloating because my handicap dropped two points so here come the darts.
But I also hope I have some manner of civility and compromise.

No, I don’t like your left or your right wings. You are crazy if you think it’s your way or the highway. Too bad, with your intransigence you have really forgotten how to fly. Being grounded isn’t as smart as you think it is. You don’t know what you are missing.

Major Ted over and out.

As always
Ted The Great

Factoids:
Ted The Great started many years ago. I had a friend who was the head of world wide operations for a major financial institution. I knew him in his other life so when I called his office with the requisite irreverence his executive assistant asked in a rather haughty voice who was on the line? I said, “Ted”. Indignantly she asked, “Ted who?” To which my only reply could be, “TED THE GREAT”. And now you know the rest of the story.

July 14 was Bastille Day but some Francophile has been walking by my window whistling the French National Anthem since Saturday. Vive La France!

To make $18,000 a year you have to make just under $9 per hour for a forty hour week. Approximately one in four work at that wage or below. That is the poverty threshold for a family of three and what it takes to get food stamps. Bon Apetit.

Well you would think Ted’s Head got a rest last week but not really. I have been working as a very junior editor on a new book about Swift Boats. I also had a chance to catch up on a variety of Charlie Rose, Bill Moyers and Nature shows. More interesting and exciting than they sound.

The most scintillating part of my mental gyrations was watching a series of interviews by Charlie with David McCullough, historian and story teller extraordinaire. He honed in on the Fourth of July without the beer and brats. We can all imagine the scene in beautiful downtown Philadelphia as august members of the aristocracy planned out their their future. Kind of like a Union League smoking room. Au contraire mes amis.

Most were in their 30’s and 40’s with Ben Franklin as the only senior citizen of sorts.They were firebrands and statesmen alike. They had to keep the windows closed so subversives would not overhear their conversations. A little seedy in July. They literally risked being hanged as traitors and the populace was not exactly 100% behind them. But they had a vision and nothing was going to dissuade them .

As war came to be, our wild colonial boys were outnumbered and in many cases outflanked. These were farm hands who came with no shoes, which was not unusual and the shirts on their backs. Ill equipped but they had a fire in their belly that provided an extra lift when the insurmountable hit. And they had a secret weapon in the person of George Washington.

They were a motley group and had to pick up tactics and leadership on the run. They probably had formal education of about 5 or 6 years of grammar school. GW shepherded and all the while stumbled making some serious mistakes along the way. Yet he was there to the end when most of us would have crumbled.

Incredible luck prevailed. Retreating from the Battle of Brooklyn there was an eerie fog that blanketed some 7,000 men who crossed the East River only to find the shores of Manhattan Island clear as a bell. The Brits could have wiped them out and wanted to do so but an ill wind on that same East River prevented a naval attack…and the rest as they say is history. Imagine if that fog and wind had not miraculously appeared? What would our world look like now?

Point being is that we always look back at our early days and see liberty wrapped up in a tidy package. Eat drink and be merry. The hell with the king. Let’s shoot off some fireworks. It was anything but. Eight long years bore on. How many of us would have walked barefoot in the dead of winter at Morristown or Trenton? Hungry, freezing, suffering from dissentary. We speak of our love of country and the Bill of Rights. Are you really ready to die for assault weapons and same sex marriage?

Washington was phenomenal. He didn’t want the job of General but he took it. He didn’t want to be President but he assumed the mantel. The original members of Congress did not want to hang around Washington. K Street and PACS hadn’t been invented yet. You paid for own food and transport. The gym and Capitol barbershop weren’t even on the drawing boards. These gents served out of a sense of duty and not self promotion.

There was a simplicity and yet subtleness to our constitution that worked. There was a collegiality that said we are all in this together. Let’s not step on each other’s toes but be able to do our own thing. Sequestration, lavish expenses, junkets, lobbyists, assault weapons, immigration stagnation, humongous staffs. Is this how it was supposed to be?

Pan over to a place called Rome. The Vatican to be exact. I think about the Catholic Church. It started off with a guy named Jesus who had a very simple concept. Forget about doctrine and religiosity for a minute. He wanted people to be free and care for one another. His disciples didn’t have expense accounts but travelled on their own nickel. Peter wanted to hang around Rome. Paul wanted to go far and wide. Somehow there was room for both.

A lot of water has gone over the dam. We started building huge edifices and the papacy took on a life of its own. Pomp and circumstance and basilicas overtook common sense and purpose of mission. We called them princes instead of disciples and boy did they act like royalty. You can kiss my ring and kiss my…, well you know what I mean. Any similarities to the US of A?

Then this guy who would come to be known as Francis shows up. He didn’t want the job of Pope. It wasn’t in his genes. He was a Jesuit. When elected he didn’t bolt for the limo but took the bus back to his hotel. He is not served in residence but hangs out with everybody else for dinner. He drives security crazy by reaching out to people of all sorts after saying mass in a local church.

He is shaking things up. Like his namesake he wants to place more emphasis on the poor and forgotten. At Easter he washed the feet of criminals instead of the Curia. Actually there may be a message there. He is throwing the bums out. But he is also going to make two former popes saints. One liberal. One conservative. A compromise. Imagine that. A smart man. Very smart.

Some people call him a radical. I think he is just going back to basics. Back to where there was a purity of purpose. Not a gazillion interpretations by the cognoscenti or Machiavellian intrigue at every stage of governance. He likes fellow Christians, Muslims, Jews and even Atheists. I don’t know about you but I think we could use a guy like this on our side of the pond. Let’s be Frank. I think we could do worse.

As Always

Ted The Great

Factoids:
Historians have estimated that approximately 40 to 45 percent of the colonists supported the rebellion, while 15 to 20 percent remained loyal to the Crown.

The Treaty of Paris was signed in 1783, and Great Britain acknowledged America’s independence. The treaty established a northern boundary with Canada and set the Mississippi River as the western boundary.

Pope Francis shunned the red Gucci slippers in favor of the black Brogans he had brought from home. When he addresses the throngs he speaks to his “brothers” not my “children”. At least he is halfway there. Not a factoid but I think he looks like a cross between Yogi Berra and Rudy Guilliani.

An estimated 25,000 American Revolutionaries died during active military service. About 8,000 of these deaths were in battle; the other 17,000 deaths were from disease, including about 8,000 – 12,000 who died while prisoners of war, most in rotting prison ships in New York

Although as many as 250,000 men may have served as regulars or as militiamen for the Revolutionary cause in the eight years of the war, there were never more than 90,000 total men under arms for the Americans in any given year.

I am putting together a program to help people understand Hospice better. I want to be able to talk about it in a coherent way so of course I go through the various aspects. There are the physical surroundings, the ethics, the philosophy but I found myself drawn to the intangible…a thing called care.

The nurses and the aides at Porter Hospice are incredible. There is a sign over the entrance to the nurse’s station that says, “Angels Live Here”. They got that right. This isn’t a job to most but some sort of superhuman calling.

There is a woman by the name of Margie. She gets into this zone where she is going through check lists of the eight or nine people on her watch. It’s her brood. She juggles a myriad of details about each patient from meds to dietary concerns. From family to where they want their remains sent. One day when I was on duty she called four hours after her shift to check on a patient’s well being. This is more than a job.

The incredible part is that they do this day in, day out. I spend four hours a week. I started to look around my mundane world. I began to notice a lot of heroes and heroines. I saw a woman in church with here husband by her side in a wheelchair. He had suffered some sort of a paralyzing blow and was motionless. He could maneuver his chariot with the joystick on the armrest but who got him in and out of the car? Who fed him? Who cleaned his soiled body?

With my eyes getting wider and wider by the day I saw parents with spastic children. I thought of the poor babes stricken from birth. They didn’t institutionalize them but took on a superhuman task of taking care of the child 24/7. There really aren’t quiet moments. Romantic dinners. A getaway to the islands and idyllic beaches. Forget it.  Their life is their child.

There are husbands and wives devoted  in sickness and in health. There are sons and daughters who forsake time alone for a parent lost in the fog of Alzheimers. We have a friend whose wife visited her mom everyday for almost ten years. Long past any sort of recognition it was not an act of duty. It was pure love.

There are young wives and families dealing with a husband or dad who had his limbs or his brains brutalized by war. They are scarred by burned flesh and seared minds. Imagine seeing that hunk of a guy going off to faraway places only to come home a mere shadow of a man. You talk about love.

I also thought about those special ed teachers. Their students are not overachievers breathlessly waiting to be called on as they raised their hands frantically. They work for days just trying to elicit a tiny response. Progress is measured in year not days Patience, love and understanding far beyond anything I am capable of.

Many of you have gone through some of these ordeals. I can only sympathize not empathize. I have seen members of my family dealing with ALS and the ravages of cancer. To each and everyone of you I tip my hat and can’t say enough.

I don’t write this to sooth my own pangs of conscience. I have been beyond lucky. If hit with it I hope I will be able to cope. I wrote a few months ago a piece called, “You’ll Never Know.” I evoked some interesting responses as I tried to speak of catastrophes in life that we can’t even imagine. And that is the point. This our world not yours or mine. We are part of it and really can’t look away if we are to be part of it.

I am constantly amazed by the plethora of people today who dwell on bitching. My marriage sucks. I lost money in the market. I am going to give up golf I am so bad. This wine is dishwater.  Really?

There was a study done and released last week that said that the rich are not uncaring but just have no idea. You can’t understand what life in the projects or on the streets if you haven’t been there. You have no idea the ignominy of standing in line with food stamps unless you have felt the glare of your fellow shoppers as you dole out the chits. Ditto for all for all of us and  what I am speaking of here.

Look it takes an incredible person to really devote their lives to caring for others whether it is by choice or circumstance. There are very few Father Damiens or Mother Theresas. Saints they are or should be. We are not them but we should at least appreciate what drives them and what they mean to all of us. .

I guess I hope when I get my presentation ready I can give it with a lot of soul and passion. Not for me but for all the incredible people out there that spend most of their time in the service of others. I hope I do them proud. Most of all I hope they realize with every encounter that change my life for the better.

That’s it for now and please take care.

As always

Ted The Great

Factoids:

The estimated value of volunteer time for 2012 is $22.14 per hour.

According to the Corporation for National and Community Service, about 64.3 million Americans, or 26.8 percent gave 7.9 billion hours of volunteer service worth $171 billion in 2011.

65.7 million caregivers make up 29% of the U.S. adult population providing care to someone who is ill, disabled or aged. A caregiver is an unpaid individual (a spouse, partner, family member, friend, or neighbor) involved in assisting others with activities of daily living and/or medical tasks.

MySalary.com reports that in 2011 the national median annual income for hospice staff nurses is $65,829. Entry-level hospice nurses, in the lowest 10 percent of wage earners, receive an annual average income of $54,736. Hospice staff nurses with extensive experience and academic achievements, fall in the top 10 percent of earners and receive an annual median income of $77,179. They are worth every penny.